And this may not be relevant to any of you but is a thought that crossed my mind today when talking to my SO about the child that his OW may or may not be having. We know people who go to jail regularly [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] because they don't pay the support for their children, some don't even see them, and I wonder why they don't just give up their rights, its not as if they are doing anything for the child/ren.<p>So my question to you is are there any of you out there who's husbands have chosen to sign over their rights to child. I see alot of families who have chosen no contact as we will I'm sure, wouldnt' it be easier to just be done with it all, it sure would kill the excessive amounts of child support. That alone would make me a bit happier. But if in fact this child comes to be in our situation, which I hate to say, I hope it doesn't, I would be all for signing over rights, that would just make it easier for me to pretend it doesn't exist at all. This is juat a random thought, any comments?<p>Bridgette

Hello,
That is not how it works. If your H signs over his rights he still has to pay child support unless someone comes around and adopts OC. The only way to lessen the amount in most states is to get joint custody. <p>Dawn

In our state the only way the my H could sign off his rights was if the OW requested it. She had to say that he was unfit. And I do believe he would have had to still pay support. Nice system.<p>babstr.

Yup...the girls have it right. Regardless of whether or not anyone gives up parental rights, the non-custodial parent still pays child support for eighteen years. Period.<p>Don't feel guilty about hoping this child doesn't exist. We all feel like that, or have, at one time or another. Some still do (me). It's normal to feel that way.<p>Catnip =^^=

Mr. "T" signed away/over his rights to ex-Ow. We still have to pay child support for the next 16 years. In our state, you still have to pay unless Ex-Ow wants her spouse to adopt the child.<p>Hugs and prayers,
Twiisty

Well that bites, what's the point of being able to do it then? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Guess no point in looking for a way out, should of known that, if there were more people would have taken it and I'd already know what it is. Really sucks that the ball is in her court, let's hope she decides not to have a baby with someone she will not "be with" I mean she is only 19 and still lives at home, I know she believes in abortion cause she said she's had one already, but that may deter or make it easier to do it again. *sigh* I hate her/really dislike her [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I'm working on that [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks for the advice. I think I'll still check in to Arkansas law, but I won't get my hopes up.<p>Bridgette

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by some1s_mom:
<strong>And this may not be relevant to any of you but is a thought that crossed my mind today when talking to my SO about the child that his OW may or may not be having. We know people who go to jail regularly [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] because they don't pay the support for their children, some don't even see them, and I wonder why they don't just give up their rights, its not as if they are doing anything for the child/ren.<p>So my question to you is are there any of you out there who's husbands have chosen to sign over their rights to child. I see alot of families who have chosen no contact as we will I'm sure, wouldnt' it be easier to just be done with it all, it sure would kill the excessive amounts of child support. That alone would make me a bit happier. But if in fact this child comes to be in our situation, which I hate to say, I hope it doesn't, I would be all for signing over rights, that would just make it easier for me to pretend it doesn't exist at all. This is juat a random thought, any comments?<p>Bridgette</strong><hr></blockquote>

You know, as unpalatable as it may be, there is another option, especially where the other woman is not really equipped to raise a child. Go for custody. In every state, the father has as much right to custody as the mother, and if the father can provide a stable, two parent home, he may even have the advantage. Then, instead of paying support, you'll be collecting it.<p>It's pretty radical, and it may be impossible in many situations. But I can't help wondering why more partners don't consider it. After all, in marriages where the wife was the wanderer and got pregnant, everyone assumes that her husband will live with the "OC" in his home if the marriage survives.<p>No, I don't have any personal experience in this area, except for the terror I had for several months after D-Day that the other woman could have been pregnant, as my husband didn't use condoms. But we have foster children, so I am sort of experienced in raising the children of people you don't like or respect, and I also have professional experience in adoption and family law. It shouldn't be automatically dismissed without consideration.

Not a possiblity here. Can't stand the fact that the child "may"(still don't know for sure she is) come into the world...yet. I'm sure it will definately not be allowed in my house or around my family they will not know it exists unless some miracle change of heart happens for me. I think that may be true for a lot of the people in this situation, raising the child of someone you don't like is much different than that of the person who helped to betray your marriage and ruined the life you knew. I do think that men do it more often than women, and I'm not sure why it may or may not be easier for them, maybe its because they are less emotional than women. That would be a good question to ask.<p>There are a lot of very selfless and loving women out there who do in fact go for custody, but I am unfortunately? still deep in the hurt and thinking about me. Maybe in time..doubtful but maybe.

some1s_mom,<p>I know how you feel. I have been in those shoes. I didn’t want anything to do with OW or her child. I wanted all this to be a nightmare. But, sadly, my wishes were not meant to be. Though sometimes I wonder what life would be like had they come true. <p>My H would not consider no contact with the child. He was adamant from the beginning that this child was his. I was skeptical and I still feel that a woman who is able to sleep with another woman’s husband, and not care one wit about it, is capable of lying even to him and be sleeping around with others as well. It was my pushing to have a DNA test and my pushing to know the full truth that brought about this whole court thing. But until I found out about OW’s past experiences with her children, I was against contact with the child. When I learned of her giving up a child and having another taken from her… I could not turn my back on THIS child.
Now, we are in the middle of a custody battle. Complete with DCS/CPS and lawyers galore. So far, it’s been a 9-month battle… and is nowhere near complete. I have had lies told about me, been asked if they were true, denied them and accused of lying. They have since been proven to be lies, thank heaven. H was given a generous amount of parenting time (visitation) that amounts to 51% of the week and joint custody, much to the chagrin of the OW.
There is an 8-month-old baby girl that I now love dearly, as if she were my own. And I am blessed that she loves me too. I have a husband that is still learning what he has caused but having this A… and what it’s going to do to us for the rest of our lives. We are fighting against an OW that wants nothing more than to make our lives a living He##… She cares nothing for this little angel. I can’t understand anyone that would say some of the things she has said about this whole mess, let alone say that she doesn’t want the child. But will not give her up. <p>Life is not fair… and the system doesn’t make it any easier. We can only pray that what is best for these children is what happens. But waiting for the system to “do the right thing” is nerve wracking! <p>I honestly hope your OW is lying. That she is NOT pg. If she is not pg, it can make life a little easier. But if she is… I urge you, GET THAT DNA! There is no way to know other than that if the child is your SO’s… Remember… Prepare yourself for either outcome. I wanted this child to be someone else’s child so bad I didn’t prepare, as I should have. I was devastated. BUT, I recovered… It wasn’t easy… <p>My thoughts and prayers are with you… <p>Take care,<p>Stacia Lee

Charynne,
I would raise the OC even now, but her mother will never give her up and we live too far away to have any influence on OC. So we'll spend 18 years being XOW's "cash cow"; lucky her, she gets the kid and the money too. I'm surprised all women don't go this route... Oh-Maybe some women have values. Do I sound bitter? Oh well.<p>Good luck to some1's mom! Hope you don't have to travel this ugly road.<p>Jenny,
actually much happy than I sound in this post [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
3+ years in recovery

Thanks for the support guys...<p>Charynne,
I am dealing with "what if she is" the problem is that my SO is not, at least not out loud. He insists that she isn't and when he lets it slip into his mind that she might be he then insists that she won't have it. He never considers the fact that she may. I have asked him what his plans are if she does, he tells me he can't predict the future..Not sure whether to accept that as an answer I don't feel like it's an appropiate answer given the situation. It is much to important an issue to just wait and see on. But on the other hand I do see that it may be hard for him to decide what he will do if/when something happens. All I want from him is just some insight into what he's thinking. I refuse to believe that a 25yr old man with one child, helping to raise another (mine), one on the way in a week [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] is not thinking that there may be another that he'll have to support. He knows I don't think we'll make it as a couple if I have to deal with her child, but he also knows I don't want to deny my kids their father just because of her, so I'm quite torn, I wonder if thats why he refrains from saying too much on the subject. <p>Hopefully I'll catch a glimpse of her soon, she should be showing soon. What do you all think of me calling her mother to ask, I feel like I have a right to know, but others might not. She did agree to a preg test, but she never showed up, SO says if she really were she wouldn't hesitate to prove it. I don't know? Her mother does know that they were seeing each other because ow#1 told her after dday. Her mother also knows she is claiming to be preg...I wonder if she'd tell me?<p>I have stored this situation in the back of my mind to better deal with my own baby coming, but I get a reminder that its there all the time. I'm so sick of waiting to see... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

bumping for an answer to questions....^^^^