Long story short my H had a "2night stand" with ow and she got pregnant. Still hoping it is not his but am making plans for the worst. We have been married for over 10 years and have 3 children ages 9, 6, and 4. Ow is in another state that my H travels to infrequently for business. Ow wants my H's name on Birth certificate but my H will not without paternity test. She actually said it was up to him. Do you think she is playing any games or wants more than she is letting on? I know they haven't had any contact in months and the conversation re: oc birth was akward at best. I have no problem paying cs if oc is his. How do you deal with the visitation choice or the no contact choice. I told my H that he had to make that decision because I don't want to be held responsible later if it is a wrong one, but I really feel like it will be tough for me to know that he will spendning time with oc when he doesn't spend enough time with our children.

Hello,
You came to the right place. I am kind of in a similiar situation. H had an affair, she got pregnant. The affair lasted one week. But don't know if OC is my H. I have my doubts because she wanted to put my H name on BC until she realize he wanted a paternity test and has not contacted him for one. She thought she could just put his name on the BC without him signing or getting a paternity test. My H has twice asked for a paternity test and she refuses. OC is 5 months old. As of now, he does not want any contact and OW does not want CS.<p>I also have my doubts it is his because he is hispanic and the OC has blues and blond hair. OW is also dark complexed and also has black hair and dark eyes like my H.<p>I said it was up to him to see the baby and he did try at first but OW refused. So, for know he does not care.<p>I also feel sometimes that he does not spend enough time with our kids. He has been doing better though.<p>Dawn<p>[ March 23, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

Let me add a little more to my situation. My H is in the military and I wonder if she just didn't see him as an easy father. I almost totally blame my H for this situation,but I have to put some of the blame on her because she chose to sleep with someone she just met and knew that he was married but seperated(we weren't but that was his lie to her). She still knows nothing about us and I really like it that way. I hope and pray every day that the oc is not his.<p>I really want to keep my family intact, but some days I wonder if it is worth it.

Hello,
There are some people on this board that are in the military. As for OW, who knows what they are thinking. Are you getting a paterinty test done? Does OW want to get a paterinty test?<p>
Dawn

If she ever hopes for anything at all she will agree to one. We have talked about this at length and have agreed that nothing will be done without a paternity test. There is limited contact with ow and have not discussed with her yet. <p>Thank you for your responses and help Dawn, it's nice to know that someone can understand what I am feeling.

Take it from an old Navy wife, the military guys are great catches for women who need an easy way out of an unplanned pregnancy.<p>Where else can you get all those great benefits?<p>Have you ever thought of ending all this heartbreak wondering by asking the court where she is (clarification - in her state/county) for a paternity test? It is his right, and it won't cost a ton, if she is getting any kind of government assistance it will be free - WIC, healthy baby - healthy mom, afdc, food stamps, and the list goes on.<p>Maybe it would be worth it to finally know the truth. <p>Elizabeth<p>[ March 24, 2002: Message edited by: justthewife ]</p>