Bipolar and I celebrated our 22nd wedding "un" anniversary on Friday by registering at an exclusive hotel downtown.<p>We got to our room and unpacked, both in a high state of manic (his was natural-haha) and looked through the phone book deciding where to go for dinner. <p>He had a hankering for lobster while I had my heart set on filet. He suggested Ruth's and we headed out on foot to see if we could get in without reservations since it was so early. Well, God must have paved the way because we ended up with a cozy table with my favorite ambiance of white linen table cloths, heavy silverwear that feels substantial in your hand, pedestal glasses of ice water and little balls of butter in a chilled bowl. The server brought warm bread that we were afraid to eat because we didn't want to ruin our dinner and we both had our sights on the creme brulee for dessert...so we had to 'pace' ourselves.<p>I had the second best steak I had ever eaten and Bipolar dined on lobster and filet, dipping both in the melted butter, to my horror. I insisted he take an aspirin to counteract the cholesterol and plaque I was sure was clustering in his arteries, realizing that I was probably grasping at straws.<p>Our waitress was the uncanny image of Tanya Harding. Bipolar said something about "Don't complain about the potatoes or she'll beat you". Eventually we were both reduced to peals of laughter and high hilarity, building on that joke with all kinds of segeways to others. Sometimes when I really get going, I snort when I laugh which causes Bipolar to loose it and then he can't stop laughing. The whole thing was ridiculous...I guess you had to be there.<p>We saw two movies in bed, ordered room service one night because we just didn't want to leave the room or each other and be around other people. Earlier that day we went to a flower show and shopping in the stores looking at clothes, housewares, furniture and walked the avenues and checked out other hotels in the area for future reference. We held hands while we walked and stopped at a coffee shop and had latte' and a scone.<p>When it was time for us to go home to our respective residences, we both found it tough to say good bye. <p>Bipolar asked me to marry him again.<p>I said 'yes'.<p>Catnip =^^=

I am so so so happy for you!!! And so so jealous of your weekend. I want one just like that. So are there any definate plans, a set date and such?
This is so exciting!

Oh Catnip!!!!<p>I just had to post to you. <p>What a wonderful weekend! And I know that it felt much better to live it than it felt to read about it!<p>This is twice today that you have had me in tears.. Thank you for your lovely post... Thank you for being here... <p>You are an amazing woman, Catnip...<p>God Bless You!

Hey Cat,<p>Do we all get an invitation to the wedding? But seriously, I am SO happy for you, that this weekend was so wonderful! I hope that Bipolar realizes what he almost lost! And how lucky he is that you chose to stick it out, through all the muck, and "other stuff" that he dished out! It is amazing how you have helped me through this past year and a half! <p>I just can't seem to put things into words the way I want them to, so I will just say again, I am so very happy for you and bipolar!<p>Love,<p>Tigger

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WOOHOO!!! Hot damn! It's been a long time coming. Congratulations, Catnip. I'm really happy for you.<p>OB1

Sheesh, you Guys! I just posted this thread twenty minutes ago and here you all are with your responses!!! What fun for me!<p>We'll have a cyber wedding so you can all be there. I wouldn't set a date (safety net) but I imagine it will be late spring or early summer....I want Bipolar to have some sobriety under his belt.<p>Ohbratti...be my flowergirl, OK?<p>Tigger...how about a DOUBLE Wedding?<p>Stacia...baby steps got me here and lot's of tormented time. Remember the time frame. You're right on schedule. Don't rush the healing process nor be discouraged by the three steps forward, two steps back. It is all part of the big picture.<p>WIB...OK, WIB, this update was at your request...thanks for asking for it. It was fun for me to tell you about the weekend.<p>You can make this happen for you and your husband because he probably feels like I did/do and desperately wants this. You hold the power as all Waywards do. <p>DG: [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 26, 2002: Message edited by: catnip ]</p>

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K!!!!!<p>There you are! I am so happy to see you. So...where ya been?<p>Catnip =^^=

Catnip,
Congradulation! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Dawn

Sounds puuurrrrrfectly wonderful!!!<p>Hi K. Long time no speak. Miss you.<p>love
Debi

What a wonderful way to celebrate the new spring season. I am very happy for you both. <p>Tina

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Good for you, may the Lord bless you and H as you start your new life together. Congratulations!!

Dear Catnip,<p>Your weekend and your news could not be more wonderful and I could not be happier for you and Bipolar.<p>You are so right, we have the power to make it happen ... and you definitely have the right stuff!<p>All my love and prayers,
heavenly

Sometimes, Heavenly, I am just comforted knowing you are here....and so relieved you are back.<p>We haven't set a date but once we have, I will make the big announcement. I am kind of excited about this...not too apprehensive, just a little cautious, but excited nonetheless.<p>So, how have things been going for you lately? You sound good, you sound stronger.<p>Love<p>Catnip =^^=

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sounds sooo romantic, like your good ole days...

Star crossed lovers reunite. Congrats!<p>Goodandplenty, formerly Pollypurebred

Wow Cat! That's romantic. <p>Life with Polarbear is really living life on the wild side, isn't it?! How is he doing in his illness/addiction?<p>Best wishes to you,
J

Well, Jen, he's sober. And he is taking his meds. He marvels at how "normal" he feels and loves it. He says, "So THIS is how normal feels." He says he thinks clearer and more logically than ever before and tries to think back to when, if ever, he ever thought this way about things as he does now. <p>He says he remembers being as young as five and having bizarre thoughts, terrible nightmares, troubling compulsions and did outrageous things that always got him in a world of trouble. He spent a lot of time in front of the nuns at school explaining himself. <p>He had a charmed childhood, too. A big, loving family and his mother and dad adored him. He was never abused or mistreated so there is no root explaining his demons since the age of five. It was all chemical imbalance and no one realized or knew he was suffering from a mental illness because he was so personable and intelligent, I suppose. Back in the fifties and sixties, psychology was still pretty much in its infancy in the sense people were given shock treatments and so many psychosys went undiagnosed, sluffing it off to bad behavior. Sometimes he wants to drink to "take the edge off", but lately has been fairly successful at staying away from it. He has no support system to keep sober because he absolutely hates AA meetings and "group" stuff, so there's the rub. This is my worry. <p>He was successful for 18 years in his sobriety without any kind of support program, although he had his own spiritual program and a dog-eared prayer book that he used to meditate every day. I beleive that was a huge component to his previous success. But now, he is so traumatized by what he did 3.3 years ago, he struggles with his remorse and regret and is sometimes so plagued by it, he still occasionally has suicidal thoughts.<p>Just recently he asked me if I had ever thought of suicide. I said it had never ever crossed my mind because I knew it would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem and that things always get better if you hang in there long enough. He looked so surprised and said, "You really have never thought of it-ever?" I said, "No, never". He couldn't get over it. He thought it was normal to think like that and that everyone thought the way he did. <p>If he can get past being so ashamed of himself and if everyone in our circle who know of this don't look at him with less respect, he might make it. He is keenly sensitive to how others perceive him and while he doesn't care if people like him, he certainly cares if they respect him. And I know they do not...not like they did, and it breaks my heart. It is one of the reasons why I haven't told too many people and kept it from the kids because it is such a humilation to him and to me that we just don't discuss it with anyone else.<p>It is taking my Mom and Dad a long time to get over what he did to me and to our marriage and our finances. They both think I have rocks in my head to stay with him, still love him and that I have forgiven him. I asked Mom one time if she thought or if she knew if others thought I was weak for not leaving. She looked at me and said, "Oh, no, I think you are incredibly strong to stay." It took a lot for her to say that because I know she would rather I cut him loose and move on, but at the same time, she adores Bipolar, or did, and they were the best of friends. She is just so hurt and disappointed herself. She loved him so much.<p>She is going to be here this summer for a couple weeks and will be staying with us for the first time since all this happened. Bipolar said the other day, "I can't wait to see your Mom, I have missed her so much. It's going to be so good to see her again." And I thought, Oh, God, if only you knew how much heartburn she has over this.<p>The best thing about my Mom is that she has so much class and decorum, he will never know what she is really feeling or thinking, and she will do this for me. Be kind, be friendly and never mention anything. I am hoping that two weeks with Bipolar loving her like he used to and on his best behavior will help thaw Mom.<p>On GQ, someone posted about their indecision over telling family members abut Wayward's affair. I replied that it is no one's business but their own and I felt it not necessary to burden loved ones with this kind of information. I wish I never would have told Mom everything but I just happened to be down in Florida just a couple days after D-Day #2 (finding out about the pregnancy) and she caught me crying on the balcony at 4 AM. She came up behind me and I didn't hear her (I've got to get that woman a bell). She put her hand on my arm and I just blurted it all out, sobbing. It was so awful and so painful and I regret so much I told her. Had I not been down there, I doubt she would know it all today.<p>It burdened her, it changed her opinion of Bipolar, which makes me sad and uncomfortable, he doesn't know she knows and is happily waiting for her like a dog at the window wagging his tail.<p>Telling others something so profoundly tragic, personal and awful just puts this horrible burden on all of them and changes their opinion of the Wayward, and unless I was going to "cut him loose" forever, it wasn't necessary that they know since we are in recovery. Now EVERYONE has to recover. It stinks.<p>Thanks for caring to ask, Jen. I bet you didn't need this loooong winded response, (my MO) but this is something I have been mulling over lately and needed a platform...and hey! You're it!<p>So, enough about this...what about YOU. Everything still rolling along well? Kids and recovery doing OK? You rarely say much these days so an update would be nice. No sense me taking the floor all the time.<p>Love<p>Catnip =^^=