I was doing better dealing with my H's PA with my former best friend. I had just found out last July, but it happened 6 years ago. They both lied and said it was EA only. In fact, she had sex with him in her car, at her house, made out in our office (where her H was my H's partner) and was IN MY BED which has devastated me. To find out so much later was sooo hard. I went back on antidepressants to deal with it. Then a few months later I found out I was pregnant and had to quit the medicine that day.<p>I am very happy to be pregnant. But I'm really starting to get down again. I can't sleep at night and I'm very weepy. I want to breast feed too so I know it will be a while before I can take anything. I'm worried that with the hormones, I'm going to have a very hard time after the baby is born.<p>Does anybody else deal with this? How do you cope? Thanks for any advice

m.r.,
I haven't been on medication, but I do have hints on coping with recovery while having a baby. See my post "thoughts for newbies(again)". I was 8mo pregnant on DDay and nursed thereafter, so I had to do without.<p>Prayers for you and Babe,
J

Thank you, I'll check that out. I really want this to be the happiest time ever, it's hard to have it tarnished with this. I appreciate your help.

Is this your first baby?<p>I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I don't post much to new people, but I am sorry for your pain and all newbies. For me, too, the OW was a supposed close friend of mine. I know how it hurts that they BOTH lied and betrayed friendship, feeling used, she even used my son to spend more time with us; it's just disgusting. <p>I don't know how long it has been since DDay for you, but I am sad for what DDay took away from the joy of my baby. My baby's first year is kind of blurry because of my emotional state, although I also remember times when I just held her and memorized that feeling of how wonderful she was (is), how glad I was(am) to have her. She came after 3 pregnancy losses (one of them fullterm), so you might imagine how special that was, our miracle baby. How horrible to also be dealing with XOW's birth in the same month.<p>But you can somewhat mind-over-matter it... if you don't mind, it don't matter! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Enjoy your baby!!!! They are not little for long!!!

Yes, this is a first and very much wanted baby. Just not the best timing.<p>I found out June 27th of 2001 and the affair took place May-August of 1995. So I guess I'm 8 mos into recovery, if you can call it that. <p>My friend came over today and helped me put up wallpaper border in our 'new' bedroom. I really resent sleeping there and it unfortunately is a constant reminder that she was in my house and bed. <p>I've give up trying to figure it out, I know I never will. I do know they were both incredibly selfish to do what they did. And even more so to lie about it for 6 years.<p>I continue to work at forgiveness, some days are harder than others!

MaggieRose,
I could be wrong here, but I'm on zoloft and I'm still breastfeeding my son who will be 1 next month.<p>From my understanding, zoloft can be taken safely while pregnant also, but I would check with your OB/GYN first to see what other alternatives there are...<p>Half of my breastfeeding support group was on zoloft (deemed safe to take) due to Post-Partum depression.<p>Look into it with your OB/GYN...I am hesitant to take any meds while pregnant,but it may be an alternative once baby is born.<p>Hugs and prayers for you and your baby,
Twiisty

twisty,
Congradulations on baby birthday! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] That's good info. for m.rose<p>mrose, I don't suppose there's any chance you could move? Or maybe buy a new bed or mattress? If you can't, there have been lots of discussions in the past and on the "recovery" board about ways to "reclaim" a location. You might start a thread on ways people have done this. I think catnip even returned to the hotel her H and XOW used! <p>I have to go for now, but best wishes on your recovery. Are you getting any counseling or reading any books? I think it's pretty important to understand the dynamics of the 'whys' it happened and ways to protect your marriage in the future. Good luck!

Thanks for all of the input. I did buy a new mattress and headboard. Today a girlfriend came over and helped me put wallpaper border up. The day I found out she was in my bed, I slept in another room, on the couch and on the floor until the new mattress came in (about 3 mos). <p>My story is much different than most. We were separated in June of 1995 until Feb. of 1996 beause of what I thought was EA only.<p>I just found out in July that it was PA. We have been in and out of counseling for years, we are supposed to be finished in about a month. I do lots of reading, and especially liked Torn Asunder. I have some very close friends also which helps. It's very hard for me to be around his 'phony, perfect' family who know nothing. They basically abandoned me when we were separated and don't know the truth, say it was 'nothing.' It really bugs me that he won't tell his parents the truth. When I'm depressed now they probably think I'm a lunatic.<p>I am realizing that yes, I very well may have to take something when I'm nursing. My sister had pretty bad post partum depression after one of her five kids. I don't want this affair to ruin what should be such a happy time.<p>Keep in touch! Happy Easter

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I don't want this affair to ruin what should be such a happy time.
<hr></blockquote><p>Make up your mind right here and now for that to be a reality...my son was two weeks old when ex-OW called me and sprung the "good news" on me.<p>I determined not to let my son's first year get away from me. In some ways, my son helped me in that I had him to focus on, but in another way, being that this was fresh and raw to me at that time, I felt that my son grew up faster than I had a chance to "watch"...but that happens the more kids you have...they all want to grow up faster to be like their big bros and sisters...*sigh*...<p>Enjoy your pregnancy...enjoy every little hiccup...every little movement...every little nuance of your little life you are carrying. I know I will treasure those times of pregnancy I had with my children, even though all four of them were born under adverse situations.<p>I'll be praying for you and your precious little one...please keep us posted about you and your little one also.<p>hugs,
Twiisty