My H has O/C that is 4 months old. I found out about O/C when O/W was pregnant last April. I try to put it out of my mind as a way to cope because when I think about it or talk about it I feel worse. Does it help to talk to others in same boat? Or do you find that you get angier? I'm really confused. Sometimes I want to vent and other times I try to act like it never happened. I feel like I'm hurting myself more by thinking about it.

My opinion....you can't get over pain until you have gone through it. but that could just be me and my way of dealing with things. I tackle everything head on. <p>Is this your first posting here? If so, welcome. I have been gone for two weeks so I might have missed any of your earlier postings.<p>MJ

TTC<p>The first two years after discovery are the toughest, I think. We all get tired of talking all this through over and over again but it is a healing process that really does bring a lot of insight the more it is discussed.<p>Dr. Harley has mapped out a brilliant way for us to begin the healing and recovery with his principles and Rules that are here on this site. A good place to start is to read everything here on this site and begin posting here to get to know the others and realize we have all been where you are at one time in our recovery.<p>Sometimes we just need to talk to others who are going through the same thing we are. You've come to the right place.<p>Let us know how we can help.<p>Catnip =^^=

Thanks for the reply. Yes this is my first time using the BB. I haven't read the guidelines yet and I'm slowly figuring out the abbreviations. I wanted to try it first to see how I would feel. I think you are right though but I'm afraid I'll have to face a lot of tough issues. Like why am I really staying, can I deal with having no recourse, will my H be willing to really help me cope, should I be supportive of my H's realtionship w/OC, how will I react when I actually have to see OW.,etc. Right now I feel like having words with her and making him suffer by not inquiring about his feelings and needs.We foot most of the bill for OC and at this point I don't want to see OC anymore. I don't always feel like this but today I do. Thanks for listening.

Thanks Catnip. I think I will try this for awhile. I'll read through the site and Dr.Harleys principles and rules. I feel a little better already. Hope to gain some valuable, positive and honest feedback (even if it hurts).

Hello,
I just wanted to say it does help talking to others. I found out about my H affair in March 2001. OC is 5 months old. I was two months pregnant when the affair happened. My ds and OC are only a few months apart.<p>We do not have contact with OW or OC. We are not sure if OC is my H. There has been no paternity test and my H has requested one but OW has refused. So, we have our doubts that OC is my H. We do not pay CS because she has not agreed to a paterinty test.<p>It is hard on me because sometime I look at my son wonder if OC is my H or not.<p>Dawn

Thank you and hang in there Dawn71. It is tough. I think I have a hard time because my husband is doing the responsible thing and has contact with OW due to the OC. My problem with that is their contact is only via his cell phone. He works at night so she only calls when she knows I'm at work or he's at work. I don't think anything is going on but I think it's disrespectful.On the other hand I don't want her calling my house because I have an 12 year old daughter and 2 year old son. Maybe I'm wrong but she should have to deal with both of us not just my H. We have not had a paternity test yet but plan to. I have doubts and so does he but OC is a boy so he is pretty attached. We don't pay mandatory CS, we buy what OC needs.I know this BB is supposed to be positive and I should be using it to focus on my marriage but I wish I could put OW up on a highway billboard to let everyone know what a home wrecker she is. Don't understand why any W would want to have OC with a MM!!!!

Hello,
I would advice you to get the paternity test done as soon as possible. Especially, since you have your doubts. I would not let my H buy anything unless it comes back that OC is his.
Can you ask your H to talk to OW only when you are around. I know I would not want my H talking to her unless I was there. I told my H if he wants contact it should go through me because I do not trust him or OW.<p>My H did ask if he could see the baby and she said no and he did ask for a paternity test and she hung up on him.<p>Dawn<p>[ April 03, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]<p>[ April 03, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>