My W and I are very excited today because of a simple request from our oldest son.
At the end of a long phone conversation I had with him in which he asked for my advice, he said, &#8220;dad will you do me a favor and tell mom that I love her&#8221;. After hanging up with tears running down my face I relayed this to my W and she began to weep as well. Perhaps there is a chink in his armor after all!<p>How powerful simple words are will always amaze me. We do tend to sometimes over analyze a statement but I feel that he really meant it. He is in the process of a lifestyle change and maybe this has started the healing process with his mom. I am optimistic and W is guardedly optimistic since she has been groping for any kind of sign and has been sorely disappointed before. <p>W and I talked later and something she said caught me totally off guard. She felt that I was happy that the children were &#8220;on my side&#8221; and the reason I was crying when I told her was that I didn&#8217;t want to relinquish my position with him. Where that came from I have no idea and I reassured her that they were tears of happiness for her and only her. I don&#8217;t feel that she trusts me to convey our true feelings to the kids without her being there. It must be so difficult for her to have the feeling that she has no control after having total control for so many years. <p>I told her that I have never been comfortable being a mediator in this situation and I couldn&#8217;t be more relieved if things resumed a more normal course where she was the organizer of gatherings. Am I being too selfish in this?<p>We are keeping our fingers crossed that this is a beginning.<p>MJ

I am so happy for you with the arrival of the children. Sometimes I miss those days of noisy chaos, however as the big 60 nears I guess I will settle for infrequent visits from the grandson besides he is easier to spoil. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>God Bless<p>Usedlongago

ULA,<p>Boy Oh Boy! is your W still in the fog about some of this. She needs to understand a few things doesn't she? Have you decided to EDUCATE her about your feelings or even show her you posts here? I know education is a no no in MB, but here I do think she needs to understand a few things about you and your perspective.<p>I guess in a way I am smiling because whether she knows it or not, YOU are indeed controling things. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] But, what she doesn't understand is your goal and your reasons. I guess I would be tempted to state out front that you are controlling things and you intend to do so from now on. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] But, she needs to understand the goal of your control is the mutual happiness of both of you and the restoration of your family. Not the punishment of any of the members of YOUR family. <p>It just might wake her up. <p>OK! I have vented. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>All I really have to say is congratulations. You have reconnected with your son, and I suspect your efforts have helped him reconnect or consider reconnecting with your W.<p>God Bless You ULA and your family,<p>JL

Wow ULA,
That is GRRREAT news! Answered prayer, actually. Thanks for letting us know!!! Praising God for more family breakthroughs for you all! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]