My husband and I have been together for 5 years. The last year has been rocky. We started going to church and he was saved. Something I have been praying for, for 5 years. 2 weeks ago I founf out that my husband had a affair with a 26 year old girl and she is going tohave his baby. My husband has known about this since February, but says he has been praying to Gof for a way to tell me. The affair has been over since the last of January. I made him take me to her house. I asked her if the child was his, she said yes. We will have a paternity test to determine that. I said to her---You are telling me that you are sleeping wife a married man and no others. She said yes. I don't know what to do. I cry all day and night. I can't sleep or work. I have not left my husband yet. I probably will. I have been praying to God about , but no answers yet. I have been through mored test, then anyone should have to go through. I am so broken inside, I have turned into this anger hateful person. I just want things to go back to were they were. Please help

I am so sorry for your pain. I've been there, although my H's affair with my former best friend did not result in a child. It will be the hardest thing you will face in your marriage, but you can overcome it if you choose to. <p>If he is willing to break all contact with her, and work on your marriage....it can be done. Don't rush into a divorce, you may regret it. Too many people do that and regret it later. Divorce tends to take on a life of its own.<p>It will be very helpful that you are christians. Prayer and christian counseling saved our marriage. I won't say it's easy, but it's worth it. There are lots of supportive people here, post often and find support with friends/family, etc. It's very important for you to take care of yourself right now. Also, journaling can be very helpful too.<p>If you need medication to get thru this (I did), don't hesitate to see a dr. It really helped me during my H's affair. <p>I wish you peace and healing....prayers

Thanks----my H says he doesn't want anything to do with her and hasn't for a while. We will be going to our first counciling meeting next week. I don't know what I will do if I stay with him. This OW can't take care of the boy she already has. What do I tell my girls (teenagers) what do I tell my parents.

my orginal message keeps coming up. How do I get rid of it!

Hi Destroyed,<p>First things first...sorry you have to be here in this situation like so many of us. Post often...just to get the stuff off your chest. You'll find many people will understand exactly how you feel.
Secondly...focus on you right now. Whatever you decide to do, you'll need to be the strongest person you can be.
Thirdly, read the information on this site on dealing with an affair and arm yourself (and your marriage, if you choose to stay) with knowledge.
Finally, make informed, well-thought out decisions for yourself, and if you decide to stay, with your husband.
You'll find there are many people here that have been through this fiasco..some with contact with the outside child, others w/ no contact.
Either way, each situation is different, but we're all here for the same reasons...to get relief and to build a marriage.
Prayers to you and your husband,
M

Just as an FYI,
FOR ME....medicine was not an option.
I always promised myself if I had to get medicine to deal with my H, I'd go packing...for good.
To each his own, but here's a thought....the pain you'll experience from this disaster will at times leave you feeling like there's no point to living.
But you mentioned you are saved right....rely on your faith and some STRONG Christian freinds to help you get through this.
I'm a living witness that for every tear you'll cry over this mess, you'll experience a joy and a relief that is beyond imagination in the long run. For experiencing that incredible pain and agony, once you are over the tough stuff, you'll feel more empowered than you may have ever felt in your life.
I know now for a fact....I can do ALL things through him that strengthens me.

hello,
I just wanted to say you are not alone. My had an A that lasted one week it was at the end of Jan. 2001. OW got pregnant claims it is my H but won't get the paterinty test done. OC was born in Oct. 2001. I was two months pregnant myself when H had the A. I had to go through my pregnacy knowing that OW was pregnant too. I had the baby early. He is fine.<p>I am still angry at my H. There is a good chance that OC is not my H since she won't get the test done. SHe admitted that she slept around but said that was over way before she did anything with my H, but she hung up on him when he called her to get the DNA test done. So, I believe she has her doubts but she won't admit to sleeping with anyone else. My H is hispanic and the OC does not look at all hispanic.<p>As of now, she does not want CS or want my H to have anything to do with OC.<p>Dawn<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

Thanks Dawn for the note. When we confronted this girl she said she would have the test done. A couple of days went by and we dalled her to ask questions ie. devivery date, hospital etc. SHe hung up the phone. We emailed her and told her we needed these questions answered. She hasn't emailed back, or made contact in anyway. She can't afford this child, she barly can afford the boy she has...I don't know how I will get through this. I tell my husband everyother day I want a divorce....

I am currently in posting hiatus, but something you said struck a chord with me...<p>you said: <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I just want things to go back to were they were <hr></blockquote><p>I used to think that, so I wanted to tell you that when you stick it out & pray, God graces you with a recovered marriage... you'll never want to go back to the way it was.<p>Your new life with your husband will be better, more enriching, more thoughtful, more gracious than you can ever imagine. <p>I know right now in the midst of all this chaos it seems like a pipe dream, but take it from a couple who sought healing through Christ, there is recovery at the end of every struggle. Just put it in God's hands and let him guide your hearts and minds.<p>I know for a fact that my marriage BA (before affair) was on a path to destruction. We would be divorced today if it weren't for the discovery of his affair.<p>God has touch my heart to give me the strength to forgive and to better myself for my marriage. And he has touch my husband to "grow up" and appreciate God's gifts (me and his family). He now is a God fearing man who wants to be the husband and father God intended him to be.<p>Continue to pray...someday you too will be thankful that you were sent this "wake up" call. Always remember... before was not better. If it was... you wouldn't be here. Now start thinking and talking about what got you here and how you can both change for the better.<p>I'll be thinking of you,
Z.<p>P.S. My favorite gospel song goes like this:<p>I almost let go. I felt like I just couldn't take life anymore. My problems had me bound. Depression had me down, But God held me close so I wouldn't let go. God's mercy kept me... So I wouldn't let go.
I almost gave up. I was right at the edge of break through but couldn't see it. The devil really had me, but Jesus came and grabbed me and he held me close... So I wouldn't let go.
So I'm here today, because he kept me. I'm alive today only because of his grace.... OH, he kept me... so I wouldn't let go.<p>Take comfort in his mercy girl. He is faithful. Good luck. Post often and read much.

Z,
I am an avid Kurt Karr fan and that song kept me alive and in my right mind many-a long night. I can remember the times when I wanted to let go of even my life and even my faith in God for allowing this to happen to ME.
I capitalized me because that's where part of my healing came from...knowing that even though two people did something that could hurt me (and others around them) so bad, that maybe...just maybe, someone else was going to be blessed in a major way by what happened.<p>On March 24th, we had our adopted baby boy dedicated in church. My brother in law and our son's god father both received Christ that same day....now I know without a doubt that somebody was watching how my H and I handled everything. Both my brother in law and our son's Godfather commented to him how we hung in there and worked things out instead of running from our problems. God is always in the midst...even when we think we are in our dryest season.<p>If we had walked away from our marriage, I wonder what good would have come out of things....truly, truly...what the enemy means for evil, God will work together for our good.

Dear Destroyed,<p>Please listen carefully to Zebra and Matthew. They speak the truth. They both have described the metamorphosis that my marriage went through and I too am convinced that my H and I would be divorced today if the OW/OC issue had not made us face some unpleasant facts about where our relationship was headed.<p>You have just found out and your feelings are too raw to appreciate our stories. But just try to focus on the fact that there are women out here who have felt exactly like you felt and survived. More than survived, we have rebuilt strong and healthy marriages with God's help and a desire to change.<p>I used to describe the feeling of just finding out like "being hit by a train". The crying and wanting to divorce one moment and wanting to try the next -- these are such normal feelings. Give into your feelings right now - be sad for yourself and mourn the marriage. These are natural stages that we go through.<p>What helped me tremedously was therapy (and I am so glad you are going) and reading. I read everything I could find on relationships and marriage. And I started to identify with the stories that I read. It comforts you to know you are not alone.<p>Right now, don't worry about what to tell family or whether to tell family. You have teenagers so it must be hard since they are much more aware of tension and problems between parents than small children. But please don't make any quick judgements while you are still hurting and angry.<p>I just wanted to tell you that there is hope at the end of the tunnel, but there is no easy way to get through that tunnel than to walk it step by step holding on to others for comfort and guidance. But, please, don't despair. Forgiveness is possible if you ask God to soften your heart. And, like Zebra said, your marriage can be better than it was if you and your H are committed to working at it.<p>I will keep you in my prayers.<p>It was so good to see two familiar names from the past, Zebra and Matthew. I am so glad that you are both doing well. Blessings to you both.<p>love,
heavenly

Heavenly,<p>Thank you for your letter. Our first counseling was yesterday. It went ok. I still hurt so bad. It has been 18 days now. My couselor says that, because of this girls past, and the fact that my husband was never with her on the weekend or evenings, there's a good chance that it isn't his. I told her it only takes once and that for some reason, something is telling me the child is his. If I decide to stay, my life is going to be so messed up because of this OW/OC. She has such a bad past. What is this child going to go through. Can you offer advice, what you did about the OC