As I often say, I read every post every day and am not a big poster myself. I find you all to be more help to me than words can express.<p>I posted back in Nov how OW called on Thanksgiving and ruined my day. After she called I hit *69 on the phone to see where she called from. I've had the number ever since (No, I've never called her and I would never do it). <p>I've been curious as to whose name the phone is listed under. She's gone through all of her children's names and always has the phone disconnected because she doesn't pay her bill. I thought perhaps it would be OC's name.<p>Just the other day I was at site that did a reverse phone # check and put the number in. She is using MY last name. I think my heart sank to my stomach when I read it. <p>I asked H if he knew about it and he said no. I believe him because when she called in Nov he didn't even know she had a phone.<p>Part of me wants to call the phone company and say she is lying to them because she owes them so much money. H said that he would talk to her, but I don't want him speaking to her about anything. I don't know what to do. That is my last name and she had no right to use it.<p>The other thing that has happened put me in an awful mood all weekend. While OW has moved (3 years ago) all of her family lives in the town I work in. I found out that her oldest daughter works as a recess monitor for the school system I work in...and has a child of her own. OC is only months older than OW's grandchild. <p>The people I work with often comment on the limited gene pool of this family...not knowing my situation. It is so difficult for me to have to say I can't have this child in my class or this person working in my room because my husband has a history and children with OW (never mentioning OC). Nothing is more embarrassing to me. I hate being put in that situation. I hate having it continually thrown in my face...there is no escaping.<p>I mentioned this to H. He is honestly really trying so hard but them something like this just sets me back and I wonder when it will ever stop!<p>I have been fortunate in that through all the posts I've read many of you have put words to my thoughts and through your words I am able to express many of the feeling I need H to understand. For that I thank you.<p>I guess I just really needed to vent. Thank you for listening.<p>
Take care,
Why

why,,,, i have read it here so many times before about BS's being so ashamed of their WS's A that they can't stand to show their faces in public. i for the life of me don't understand this train of thought for more then maybe a month after your d-day. with all your emotions running wild at that time low self esteem is a very powerful enemy. but after that period of time i found myself and relized that even if i wasn't the perfect H it wasn't me who had the major character flaw that lead to an A. so my embarrassment level dropped to nearly zero. it was actually easy for me to talk to people about what had happened in my life. i honestly feel that these discussions are one of the main factors in my staying in the marriage and attempting to work on our relationship. you will find that most people are very understanding and will admire you for the strength you are exhibiting in trying to overcome this hurdle. i think you should hold your head up and not try to hide the situation. you don't have to wear a sandwich board or hire a sky writer to announce it but don't be afraid to plainly discuss it. remember you have done nothing wrong and should be admired for your morality and character.<p>good luck with your self confidence,
pops

Gosh, have you guys considered moving to another state? I can't remember if you have contact or what, but would you consider moving far away? Dr.Harley recommends moving marriages to a different state than where the OP resides, but of course, this is not directly referring to affairs where OC's have resulted. Might be a healthy thing for you to think about doing, tho... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I wouldn't worry about OW antics with her phone, eventually, she'll get behind on that bill and wear out that name, too. Her misdeeds will catch right up to her and bite her in her own butt. That's just life, but I can understand how that must have made you feel. That was/is a pretty lowlife thing to do. She sounds like a very desperate person...<p>I give you much credit for not calling her up and telling her to get your name off of her phone bill!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] Grrrr! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Sending hugs and prayers to you WHY...it's good to see you again.....<p>Hugs,
Twiisty...<p>I agree with BTDT...GRRRRRRR GRRRRRRR [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Pops, thanks for the reply. It is not so much that I am embarrassed by the affair. Heck, I had nothing to do with that.<p>What I find most embarrassing is just the connection with the family. They are a well-known family in the town I work in. I want to be politically correct here...they have certain limits socially, intellectually and morally. As part of my job the children of this family are always entering my school. I hate having to say I can't have these children because my husband chose to have children with one of these people (he had children with OW before we were married) and it seems like I'm always having to bring it up. For years I questioned how he could be with this woman and then choose to have a relationship with me. I thought I had the answer once but then he chose to go back to her when things got tough here. If I question it, I know people I work with do the same thing. I have some colleagues that know. But I certainly don't want to share with an entire school system.<p>A few months back OW's sister ended up working in my classroom as an assistant. I was very gracious, friendly and as nice I could be, but it was hard having it so close to home. I'm trying to get over it and it is just a constant reminder.<p>I don’t think my self-esteem is an issue. I think my self-esteem is pretty good. He has put me in an uncomfortable situation at my job and I’m angry with him for it. <p>BINtherDUNthat…thank you also for your response. I would never move. My children are the 7th generation of my family to live in this town. I love where I live and I won’t let the actions of two “stupid” people dictate that I leave my home. You are right; she will probably have the phone shut off again soon. I did tell H last night again that I am angry and she had NO RIGHT using MY name. He said that he would speak with her and tell her that she can not use his name.<p>The only conversations I’ve had with OW have been in my head and they are not nice! I won’t lower myself to even speak to her.<p>Twisty…thank you for the hug. Boy have I needed it this past week. I really just needed to vent. The audacity of that woman just gets to me.<p>Take care,
Why