We knew this would come up and come up soon after we got back from our adoption trip.<p>exOW is expecting us to make a visit to see Precious. Precious asks about both of us all the time. (She is only two but exOW has done a good job of keeping "Daddy and MaryJanes" in OC's mind. Not bad for sustaining the relationship over long distances and time. Bad only if we wanted to discontinue the relationship--which we don't.) Remember that I don't mind visiting Precious, in fact, I love her and enjoy spending time with her. <p>However, we don't have money for four airline tickets at $350 a pop (no offense intended Pops). No way on God's Green Earth am I leaving my boys with someone for 4 days right after we get home! Not even their grandparents. Besides, we didn't tell social workers about Precious and I don't feel we can tell boys about her until we are through the final step and this adoption is recertified in the US, about six months from now.<p>Mr. J asked what would I think about him asking his parents to go. My MIL would like to see Precious although I doubt my FIL would go as he hates flying. (So does MIL, but I think that her desire to see Precious would win out.) I feel like a real ratter, but I know that MIL hopes to never meet exOW. MIL blames exOW for what happened because she was the aggressor in the beginning. I don't know if I trust MIL to supervise the pick up and exchange of Precious. I feel like a heel telling Mr. J that I don't trust him to see exOW alone even for 10 minutes, but God's Honest Truth, I don't trust him around her and I doubt that I ever will. She is not an ex-wife, she is the woman he screwed around with for 7 years, they woman he says he felt love for, the woman who tried to destroy our marriage, who thought that her pregnancy was her trump card.<p>Sometimes I wish this pregnancy had resulted from some quick and dirty roll-in-the-hay: some two or three-week mistake, but my H had a complete double life and I never suspected a thing. I thought we were happily married but very independent people. I never knew he was using his freedom to abuse my trust. He loved her, he feels guilty about "what he did to her" and I don't know if he still loves her or if he would go back to her given the chance. <p>He tells me that this adoption should show me very clearly where he wants to be. He loves his daughter, but he still wishes that she had never been born. He did not have this affair to have a biological child. They managed to prevent pregnancy for 7 years. He doesn't care one bit that she is gentically his child and our boys are adopted. He says he thinks that exOW is "evil." I said that no, she is just shallow and has a bad habit of going after married men. She is one of the walking wounded.<p>I don't know what he would do if she got an hour alone with him. I think she could guilt him into starting an A again.<p>Even if my MIL goes, and Mr. J is properly supervised at all moments, I will miss not going. I will miss not seeing Precious. I will be jealous that Mr. J has time with her that I don't. (She likes me better anyway. I told you all that she was smart. She inherited my easy-to-get-along with personality and my brains. Funniest genetic mutation in the history of evolution. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] )How can I be jealous that I won't get to see the child born of my H's affair? I am truly a sick puppy. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>MJ<p>[ April 13, 2002: Message edited by: MaryJanes ]</p>
