Ed and I have been married 3 years. Before we were married, we discussed having children. I was against it and he wanted them. He decided that if he couldn't have children with the women he loved then what is the point. His exact words. So we got married. Two years later he got drunk and spouted off in front of our friends that he wanted children in two years or he wanted a divorce. I confronted him the next day and he just kind of blew it off and I let him. Well a year later, it comes up yet again. I have since moved out but we are trying to resolve. I absolutely do not want to have children and I can see it in his eyes that one day he wants them. He claims that right now he is content, but can't guarantee he won't divorce me in 5 years to find someone who will give him what he wants. Obviously this does not sit well with me. Any advice????

I am a woman who does not want children, ever. I got a tubal ligation and I reccomend that for you too.

He told you he wanted children, your first mistake was marrying him since he did not agree with you on this important issue. It was his mistake also since he wanted kids but married you anyway knowing how you felt.

While dating, I broke up with several men once I found they wanted children. Painful, but the best way. I was not going to stop them from getting what they wanted.

I do not like his attitude of yelling at you and saying "if he does not get kids he will divorce you". This is NO WAY to discuss the issue. And that is NO KIND of good father if he is that immature yelling like that disregarding your feelings even though he knows full well your stance on the issue. I question his maturity here as evidenced by how he tries to bring this subject up.

It sounds like you two still disagree on this subject and FOR SURE you should not have children just to please the man. You will have to be primary care giver and do 20 years of "hard time" raising the kids since he sounds like he wants you to not only have them but raise them too.

Please thing about MC or maybe splitting up. This issue should have STOPPED you COLD from ever getting married and now you have to deal with this problem again.

Good Luck, I have been in the painful position of breaking up with men who wanted kids many times. It is not pretty but neither would I ever "produce" children just to have a man.

Even producing kids is not a guarantee the man will stick around. As evidenced by all the divorces here on MB where kids are involved!

We did discuss it before we got married. His exact words were "If I can't have children with the woman I love then what is the point." He said that he was ok with it, basically.

He was drunk at the time of his outburst, although not a good excuse. Currently we are seperated. I am living with my parents. We are attempting to go to MC. I am making him get the appointment.

I believe he married me thinking he could change my mind.

One of the biggest mistakes we can make in a relationship...thinking we can change someone else.


First of all, you can't change anyone but yourself. Secondly, what an insult to the person you love!