HI Aimee,<p>I am just wondering if things are settling down for you. So many new parents on the board and you are Stacia are parents to children not born to you, children that you didn't intentionally go out and get like Mr. J and I did with our adoption.<p>You are a strong, loving woman. I hope things are settling down a little for you.<p>I steal time for myself when I can get it. Our goal is to walk out of their bedroom by 9:00 or 9:30 pm but bedtime is still stretching to 10:30. Right now I figure the bath time and the story time is too important to cut short. However, I occasionally duck out of the playing in the bathtub bit so I can dash into my sewing room and sew for 15 minutes or so. I usually don't come back to a flood but did the other night. Even those 15 minutes of relaxation help keep me sane. Of course, your two are too little for that. Do they nap?<p>MJ

Hello and thanks for checking on me!! I figure that since I do more lurking than posting that folks forget that I am around. That's okay cause I gather a lot by reading. <p>I am hanging in there. We are still dealing with protective services since the two states that ow was in can't decide who had jurisdiction over these kids. We started (and finished) our custody case in state where she had been for just over six months. She moved to another state before it was resolved, but that is the state that picked up children. So everyday there is a call from their protective services or from an attorney or someone. Hopefully the two states will get together on it. Then maybe someday we will transfer it to our state!! I am super tired of all this legal jumbo. And of course even though both states are far from where we are, we watch every move we make with these kids. We are scared of anything that might resemble a harsh move or word.<p>And boy, do I know how you feel about thinking you're losing it sometimes. The boy whines over everything. If his sister falls on him, hits him or just touches a toy or anything, whaaaaa whaaaaa whaaaa. Good grief. And he doesn't take up for himself either. He just sits there and whines. We figure he has been babied since he was the only boy. H and I have decided to ignore that behavior. But meanwhile the whining really gets to you sometimes!<p>The kids are probably adjusting better than we are. H and I are both worn out and getting less sleep. And I don't really have to worry about missing my birth control pills (although I'm back on schedule now), cause there is just no action anymore. Dinners have been a boxed rush. I've tried to do a little walk around the block or time in the yard after supper, but it is a crunch. Bath time is probably the best time. They both love the water. And morning's are the worst. Sitter just keeps adding on more things she needs. I have been late to work almost everyday since we got the kids. And everyday there is some kid-related thing that we have to do after work (or get off to do which we CANNOT afford). But the kids actually seem happy most of the time. We've had a few restless nights with dreaming, but for the most part they are doing well...fingers crossed.<p>Except for the whining, the kids are just kids. It's a lot more than I wanted all at once, but they are just normal toddlers. I am moving through my days better. We made a bedroom for them (out of a big closet area) so they are not in our room anymore. I get a few moments of peace after they get to sleep (bed ~900, sleep ~930). And then I'm exhausted and ready for bed too. <p>I treat them okay and do for them. I take care of their needs. They call me Mommy. But I don't feel any bonding really. I honestly haven't found any joy in this at all. And I'm still kinda resentful over the fact that everything in life has to do with kid kid kid. I feel like I've given up a lot of my desires for this noble mission. Hubby tells me that I can be happy if I just will, if I just decide that what we have is what I want. <p>Well, duh, yuh mean all I have ta do is change my wishes to match yurs and I'll be happy...man why didn't I think of that. <p>He has no clue how insulting that is, and he's not tryng to be mean or clueless. He just wants a happy family. He asks me to forget about how they came about and just think of them as kids. That's tough, but I'm working on it. And trying to forget all the things we could have had if we had decided to have kids instead of being forced into this in a mis-shapen way. Through it all, I am accepting our situation and the fact that it's even less than before. Eventually maybe I will see some good stuff. <p>The one good thing is that hubby is trying harder than ever. I'm praying that he stays faithful. The problem is not with kids' mother, but just anyone else. He is so vulnerable to other women. He says he is being faithful (course he's always said that.) And honestly right now, the problem is more me. I am bringing up the past when I shouldn't. I am not getting feelings or facts about him being unfaithful. It is just so fresh all the time (with kids in my face and convenient store just down the road) that I throw it at him a lot. And although it really is a concern, right now I need to keep my accusing, love-busting mouth shut.<p>Overall, I'd say we're doing okay. Hubby and I had decided to go to counseling when we got back from court. But with two kids in tow, that kinda got back burner status. So I'm going to ask hubby again when things settle down some. Or maybe sooner than that! Thanks again for asking.<p>[ April 17, 2002: Message edited by: aimee2 ]</p>

My heart goes out to you...

aimee, a prayer is being rushed to heaven for you right now. Unbelievable!
love
Debi

Aimee,<p>I am glad you updated us. I think about you a lot since you just got two kids and so did I. Granted they came about in different ways. <p>I admire your strength. <p>I hope your H knows what a treasure he has in you.<p>Prayers and hugs (we need both),
MJ