I have repeatedly read the phrase "give the baby away" and comments like that. Those comments have been directed towards me many times, not necessarily here, regarding my own adoption experience, and so yes, I do take offence, just as Mo5 seems to think that those of us who mentioned adoption as an option were "shoving it down" Justine's throat. That's where I am/was coming from, but will now just stay away from this thread.

I am sorry I seem to have brought so much anger out in some of you, not my intentions, I just know how hard it is to be in justines position and how alone you can feel, and reguardless of the problems, I hate to see any one hurt. I think adoption is great, I have an adopted child.
But I didnt hear justin sound like she wanted that option, and wanted her to know there are other ways. Again, I know everyones pain is too great here, and I am sorry,

Justine,
My situation is alittle similar to yours in that I have a son conceived from an A with MM. My H and I are raising him as our own. I too was very much in love when my son was conceived. My ex-om has 2 children with his W. Although he left the decison up to me regarding paternity, he did nothing to show that he wanted or desired to be my son's father. I put my own desires aside (at the time) and felt that my H would be the best daddy because he would love this child more than anything. Right now, my son and H do not know and I don't know that they ever will be told. I am at a crossroad on that right now. You have at least told your H, which is definetely the right decision, good for you! Now, is your H willing to be a father to this child? Do you want to save your M? Does your H want to remain in M? If so, if you can work it out, then I would say to hell with MM. I admit that if it were me and he were telling me to have Abortion, I would hit him in the wallet, and hard. That is my revengeful side. As a mother to be, you will find that your child is/will be your main concern. If you force OM to accept financial responsibilites then he may have a claim to child. Do you want this person and his W in your son's life?
My ex-mm didn't make the decision to lie to my H about son's biology. I did it on my own. While I do regret it because if I want to save my M, I think telling H about A will in the long run help us to reconnect. Of course sons biology will be an issue so I can't hide it forever but for now, I chose to keep things as they are because it works. you can avoid all of the pain I'm going through now if you don't protect OM. In your case, MM is only concerned about himself! Considering that his W knows, I would say that he is only looking to protect his wallet. He doesn't sound like a good candidtate for fatherhood, even if he already has a child.
After coming out of A and rebuilding my life, I have learned alot of lessons; one being very simple: children don't care about blood, what they do need and want is LOVE.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by catnip:
Catnip,
Your response is harsh and written with blinders on. It obvious that you are deeply hurt by your circumstances and that is understandable. However, I disagree about several of your statements to Justine.
1. Adoption is NOT always the best option for everyone. Perhaps only the best choice for you, the BS and maybe the WS who is dodging HIS responsibilites to child.
2. Your husband made a choice to have sex with someone other than his spouse. Why do you expect some stranger to be loyal to your union when your own husband wasn't? He is a big boy and he and ALL WS know that conception is the risk you take. You need to face reality about affairs. They are NOT one sided. I know all are unique, but I never forced or cohearced my ex-OM into anything. He was willing, believe me. He wasn't loyal to his family or wife when he was with me and that was his choice alone and he is the person responsible for deceiving his W, not me. I own my responsibilities, they are to my family and H, not OM's wife.
3. The BS's spouse plays a role but should not be a deciding factor in whether spouse takes HIS responsibility for a child that he and OW created. He is responsible. The law supports this, if your H doesn't want to provide the emotional support that EVERY child deserves from his parents, that is a law governed by a higher authority.
4. I feel that you are trying to punish your H's OW and even your H for hurting you and changing your life and the lives of your kids. You are hurting another innocent child by your hatred. I have said this to you once before catnip, if you must feel hatred and must fuel it, it is misplaced. Your WS owed you everything you say you deserve and HE betrayed you.
5. In some cases, first allegance is to family and spouse. Not in all. Many of the "loyal" WS become loyal after realizing that their [censored] is in a sling and they want to save themselves. Then the hide behind their spouses, whose fangs are out by now, as yours are. These WS are nothing but wimps who will find there is justice ahead of them here in this life or elsewhere.
6. If you stay married to spouse with child from another relationship, whether he and she called you up and asked permission to screw or not, does not negate HIS financial respoonsibilites. If you stay, you must accept. Or you will be miserable forever.
7. You can't control your H or OW, only yourself. We don't own our partners, they are not our property. Trust is all you have. If spouse chooses to break that trust and have A, it is not OW/M calling the shots, etc. It is the WS who chooses to turn away from you. If power is transfered to OW/M as you suggest, it is the WS who passes it on. <p>My advice to Justine regarding adoption is this:
Don't do it if you can love this child. Don't do it if you can give this child more love than $$. If you have to live in a cardboard box, then maybe you should. There are programs out there to help single mothers. Get every dime you can out of the man who fathered this child. HE OWES IT TO THE CHILD!!! Don't let anyone tell you that he doesn't. Feel sorry for no adult here. Children are entrusted to us to love and raise to be happy, loving adults. If you can do that job, DO IT.

CMiranda:<p>I can't see why a whole lot of people would actually take your advice (no offense). In your one post, you state:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Right now, my son and H do not know and I don't know that they ever will be told.<hr></blockquote><p>So, you're perpetrating a huge lie against your husband. He is supporting a child that isn't his, without giving his consent. Hey---you didn't have to give your child up for adoption. You just lied. Super... Go back and look up POJA, Rule of Honesty, and a few other issues in the concepts area.<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>My advice to Justine regarding adoption is this: Don't do it if you can love this child.<hr></blockquote><p>Almost every mother can love their child, regardless of the circumstances. It's a biological necessity for the continuation of the species. But why does that make adoption a bad alternative? All I see is the "you" in your reasoning to keep a child---perhaps the reality might be that adoption would be in the best interests of the child, in the long run.

CMiranda:
I can't see why a whole lot of people would actually take your advice (no offense). In your one post, you state:<p>
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Right now, my son and H do not know and I don't know that they ever will be told.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>So, you're perpetrating a huge lie against your husband. He is supporting a child that isn't his, without giving his consent. Hey---you didn't have to give your child up for adoption. You just lied. Super... Go back and look up POJA, Rule of Honesty, and a few other issues in the concepts area.
I'm am working through whether or not to disclose paternity to my H now that I've broken off A and decided to give M a chance. That is where I am at in my recovery. I still would never, ever had chosen to give my child up for adoption. OM would have owned up to responsibility, I didn't choose that option. I would have raised my child alone if I had to.<p>quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My advice to Justine regarding adoption is this: Don't do it if you can love this child.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>Almost every mother can love their child, regardless of the circumstances. It's a biological necessity for the continuation of the species. But why does that make adoption a bad alternative? All I see is the "you" in your reasoning to keep a child---perhaps the reality might be that adoption would be in the best interests of the child, in the long run. <p>I didn't say adoption was a bad alternative. For God sakes, it is BEST alternative in my opinion if a mother doesn't want the child. I do not believe in abortion per se. But I believe Justine WANTS the child. If that is true, she should keep him regardless of whether that is convenient to the OM and his W.

K,
Excue my hard to read response, I'm re-posting it here. I hope this is easier to read.<p>"So, you're perpetrating a huge lie against your husband. He is supporting a child that isn't his, without giving his consent. Hey---you didn't have to give your child up for adoption. You just lied. Super... Go back and look up POJA, Rule of Honesty, and a few other issues in the concepts area."<p>I'm am working through whether or not to disclose paternity to my H now that I've broken off A and decided to give M a chance. That is where I am at in my recovery. I still would never, ever had chosen to give my child up for adoption. OM would have owned up to responsibility, I didn't choose that option. I would have raised my child alone if I had to.<p>"Almost every mother can love their child, regardless of the circumstances. It's a biological necessity for the continuation of the species. But why does that make adoption a bad alternative? All I see is the "you" in your reasoning to keep a child---perhaps the reality might be that adoption would be in the best interests of the child, in the long run."<p>I didn't say adoption was a bad alternative. For God sakes, it is BEST alternative in my opinion if a mother doesn't want the child. I do not believe in abortion per se. But I believe Justine WANTS the child. If that is true, she should keep him regardless of whether that is convenient to the OM and his W.
I strongly believe in love being the most important factor in child rearing. Children don't care as much about whether they live in their family owned home or an apartment as much as they want and need LOVE. Justine has ALOT of options and there is HELP out there for single mothers. Adoption is a choice but not her only choice. She can get assistance, she can get from the father what the law states is HIS responsibility. It is NOT HOPELESS.

I know everyone has their own set of circumstances. (I am a professional working woman and can support myself and my son without a problem)but doesn't anyone here see the need for a child to have 2 parents?
I didn't choose to stay with H for his financial support. Heck, my ex-om earns 3x what my H makes. If that was what I was after, it certainly would have been my choice to go after my ex-om wallet.
I do know what it is like to struggle and i haven't always been financially self-sufficient. We had alot of hard years. That said, I want to say that women shouldn't be made to feel guilty if the child's father is a MM because it will hurt him financially to own up to his responsibilites. When he chose to have an A, he chose to risk broadening his responsibilities, regardless if it was a conscious choice. While I understand the BS viewpoint, (I'd be extremely angry too if it were me having to help support an OC and not have as much $$ for myself or kids) however that it is beside the point that OM is in part, financially liable if mother of child so chooses to pursue it.
What I don't understand is why WS receive so much protected here? Its as if they are just mindless creatures who were lured into some relationship without their consent and participation. They are being enabled by their BS to not own up to their responsibilites. It seems that the BS sees this ownership of responsibility as continued betrayal. While it is, it is not betrayal to the spouse in my opinion, but to the child, particularily if the child has only 1 parent. I was a WS, and while I had my reasons for choosing an A which I justified at the time, I don't deserve such protection as the husbands who have fathered OC seem to get from the BS.

C Miranda, what you fail to see is that the BS's here are not protecting their H's from taking their responsibility for their child.They are protecting themselves from more pain, hurt, devastation, betrayal, a whole life changed because of the irresponsibility of the MM and the OW. The BS never had a say in the affair starting, and certainly was not consulted by the OW when she decided because she "wanted" the child, the H or WS and BS must adjust their lives to accomodate her decision. That is what you do not get. I must admit, had I gotten pregnant before my H had wanted children, I would not have just carred the child because I wanted the child. ANd I sure was very responsible for birth control to prevent children till we both were ready. In this case, the OW made this sole decision. I don't think that is a loving one for all concerned.<p>Further, just wanting a child does not make it right to keep such a child. Does not mean one can provide for a child, be a good parent, take care of the child emotionally and economically, etc. In my case, the child would have been better served with adoptive parents, but the mother could not do it, could not choose adoption because she wanted the child for her own needs to mother.THen, months after birth, she decides she cannot make it alone, cannot economically support child. What did she think at birth>? her economics were going to get better while supporting another individual in her life?<p>You seemed to have been able to provide for such a child, and you have the benefit of a H who right now believes this is his child. Even if told, he now feels as the father of the child-=and in all ways that matters, he is the father, regardless of biology. But in my case, there is no man in child's life, no MM of OW supporting child. No one can tell me that a single woman carrying MM"s child is only doing what is best for child by keeping the child and raising it. Let's face it she is doing what is best for her-a very selfish act.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I admit that if it were me and he were telling me to have Abortion, I would hit him in the wallet, and hard. That is my revengeful side. <hr></blockquote><p>CMiranda, THAT is what most WS feel! BINGO! REVENGE! When things don't go their way and MM flees from the scene, the only way OW can hurt him is financially.<p>Because she can.....<p>Then take delight in doing so.<p>IF oc was conceived in love, surely you must know by now it wasn't true. <p>As far as the big "pay-off" goes, most ow feel entitled because the law is on their side in this instance.<p>Really I don't know how ow gets any peace from $. Actually consenting to sex doesn't mean consenting to parenthood. Especially when MM was told ow is sterile or on the pill. <p>Then when a married ow decides to keep the oc, she causes pain for a lot of extended family as well as her own immediate family.<p>So adoption seems a good way to let your child be raised by two who can afford child rather than using the child for "revenge".<p>BTW in my circumstance, H didn't hide behind me! He fessed up to the single biggest mistake he ever made. Although not particulary religious before this, I prayed and let God handle things.<p>I had to ask whether I wanted to forgive this sorrowful man or go on w/o him. I forgave. I will never forget. He know's this. He tells me how sorry he is in more ways than one. I believe him. I always have. That's why he's here too. I would never dream of "doing it" with a MM. Not worth all the lifetime of sorrow a possible baby/adult can produce. I would never dream of being a cheat.<p>So when you women come here crying about how MM ran from responsibiliy don't expect much sympathy. You had 9 months to think about what you've done. Then you get him "where it hurts" for revenge? <p>Who's whinning now? If you can't afford oc, put it up for adoption. Now that courageous love.<p>PUHHHHLLLEEEEZZZEEEE......

CMiranda:
"I'm am working through whether or not to disclose paternity to my H now that I've broken off A and decided to give M a chance. That is where I am at in my recovery. "<p>You are, at best, in withdrawl from OM. You are not in recovery. You can't start recovery until you've told your H about A and child. <p>Again, please DON'T consider NOT telling your H as a viable option.<p>Take care,

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by gemini1:
<strong><p>CMiranda, THAT is what most WS feel! BINGO! REVENGE! When things don't go their way and MM flees from the scene, the only way OW can hurt him is financially.<p>Because she can.....<p>Then take delight in doing so.<p>IF oc was conceived in love, surely you must know by now it wasn't true. <p>As far as the big "pay-off" goes, most ow feel entitled because the law is on their side in this instance.<p>Really I don't know how ow gets any peace from $. Actually consenting to sex doesn't mean consenting to parenthood. Especially when MM was told ow is sterile or on the pill. <p>Then when a married ow decides to keep the oc, she causes pain for a lot of extended family as well as her own immediate family.<p>So adoption seems a good way to let your child be raised by two who can afford child rather than using the child for "revenge".<p>BTW in my circumstance, H didn't hide behind me! He fessed up to the single biggest mistake he ever made. Although not particulary religious before this, I prayed and let God handle things.<p>I had to ask whether I wanted to forgive this sorrowful man or go on w/o him. I forgave. I will never forget. He know's this. He tells me how sorry he is in more ways than one. I believe him. I always have. That's why he's here too. I would never dream of "doing it" with a MM. Not worth all the lifetime of sorrow a possible baby/adult can produce. I would never dream of being a cheat.<p>So when you women come here crying about how MM ran from responsibiliy don't expect much sympathy. You had 9 months to think about what you've done. Then you get him "where it hurts" for revenge? <p>Who's whinning now? If you can't afford oc, put it up for adoption. Now that courageous love.<p>PUHHHHLLLEEEEZZZEEEE......</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Oh Gemini, I am not whining. But you bury head in sand when you state that your H claims regret, etc. Let me tell you something from WS perspective. Regret and sorry's go along way when you are talking to your spouse. I can understand that of course. However, your H wasn't singing that song when He slept with someone else. Regardless, I maintain, she doesn't owe you loyality or need your consent to have A with your spouse. So, when she becomes Pregnant, regardess of birth control, sterile, whatever, it doesn't matter! He did it with her and got her pregnant. Period. That fact established, he is liable financially. I didn't choose to let my OM acknowledge child because I thought it was best for child for that not to happen. We talked about the divorce option and I chose not to pursue it. He always maintained there was no choice but for me to have the baby, which I concurred with. But if he had been a different person, and as in Justines case, told me to abort the baby, well then, my actions would have been different. I can understand revenge. BUT, you BS seem to harbor hate for the stranger (in some cases) who didn't even know you or in the beginning even know of you. So, what is wrong with this picture?! Your H sure knew he promised to love, honor, cherish, forsake all others, etc. No?
Who really delights in hurting people? OW? I don't agree, although I'm sure there are some who resort to drastic measures. The men are responsible to AT MINIMUM support their children. I don't care if they consented to birth, conception, etc. They consented to sex. That is all that is required. If MM's woman on the side has to resort to forcing him to pay to help rear child, oh well. Thats life. Too bad you are married to a man who has an OC to support. You didn't create child and are under no obligation to support the baby. If you stay with your H, then that is your choice to make. But don't you whine about him living up to at least 1/2 of his responsibility. Women dont' get pregnant alone. Its funny how I hear about stories of men and women claiming all sorts of things to their spouses once cat is out of bag. From my experience on both sides, ow and ws, it isn't at all the truth while the extramarital relationship is happening.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by unhappy wife:
"what you fail to see is that the BS's here are not protecting their H's from taking their responsibility for their child.They are protecting themselves from more pain, hurt, devastation, betrayal, a whole life changed because of the irresponsibility of the MM and the OW. The BS never had a say in the affair starting, and certainly was not consulted by the OW when she decided because she "wanted" the child, the H or WS and BS must adjust their lives to accomodate her decision. That is what you do not get." <p>I do understand your position. I honestly do and I can empathize with your feelings. But if you can move past your H betrayal and try to work out the M, why not understand that this child didn't ask for anything and all children need love. Your spouse is the one who chose to have an A and turned away to meet whatever need (more likely than not emotional) inside himself. If you can work it out with him and forgive that then you have the capacity to forgive and love greatly. Then how can you hate a child? Hate the OW, fine. But a child? Wow. You are still a victim of A if you can hate any child.<p>"Further, just wanting a child does not make it right to keep such a child." <p>I does in my eyes. If you can love them as they deserve to be loved, it sure as heck does!<p>".....could not choose adoption because she wanted the child for her own needs to mother.... then she decides she cannot make it alone, cannot economically support child. What did she think at birth..."<p>She probably wanted to believe she could do it alone. She was wrong obviously. That still doesn't excuse your H responsibility. Own up to it.<p>"You seemed to have been able to provide for such a child, and you have the benefit of a H who right now believes this is his child. Even if told, he now feels as the father of the child-=and in all ways that matters, he is the father, regardless of biology. But in my case, there is no man in child's life.... best for child by keeping the child and raising it."<p>You have a good point. I could have raised child alone and $$ we would have been fine. But I wanted more than just $$ stability. OM in my eyes couldn't give to my son what H could and wanted a child for a long time. If I was alone, regardless of my financial abilities, OM would have been held responsible.<p>"Let's face it she is doing what is best for her-a very selfish act"<p>I don't believe her keeping her child is selfish. Your desire to serve your own needs and wish child were torn away from mother is what is selfish.

"You are, at best, in withdrawl from OM. You are not in recovery. You can't start recovery until you've told your H about A and child."<p>I may be in some lingering state of WD from OM but I do feel that I've begun the recovery process. I stopped taking the drug. I may not be as far along as some but I disagree with you 2long. (thats a first)!<p>"Again, please DON'T consider NOT telling your H as a viable option."<p>I am hestitating because of son, I won't make hasty decision because of him.

CM,<p>You said <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I don't agree, although I'm sure there are some who resort to drastic measures. The men are responsible to AT MINIMUM support their children. I don't care if they consented to birth,
conception, etc. They consented to sex. That is all that is required. <hr></blockquote><p>I would almost agree with you except you don't agree with your own statement. Instead of making your MM pay for raising this child, you are MAKING your H raise your OC. <p>Yes, you are MAKING him raise your OC because you never gave him a choice or the knowledge to make that decision. YOU made it for him.<p>Bottom, line your logic fails even you. What you really mean to say is that SOME man should be made to pay for YOUR mistakes.<p>Frankly, Justine as a variety of options, but none of them are very attractive. You state that she should keep the baby because SHE wants to. In another words the baby is going to be here for HER enjoyment, whether it is best for the baby. <p>These are hard decisions and are being made more complicated by rather emotional but not terribly consistent arguements. There is no GREAT solution to this issue. <p>THere are some solutions that might be easier for Justine to take or handle.<p>But, it seems to me since she really didn't want to get pregnant, is divorced or divorcing, and the OM doesn't want the child to exist at all, she might want to base her decision what is best for the child.<p>I thank God I have never had to make such a decision. I do hope that somewhere in all of this, Justine will find what she needs to make her decision.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

CMiranda,<p>I'm a big fan of the Complete Honesty rule. But I would suggest that you get yourself into counseling before you let your husband know. If you try the MB counseling (888-639-1639 for appts), either Jenn or Steve would help you with a plan to tell your husband, and they'd be available to talk with him after you did.<p>In my mind, it's a very good idea.

I have been a BS and I know all the emotions and hate that goes with it. An I have learned men tell the W only what he has to to get by, things such as it was only sex, and I only did it once, and she didnt tell me she could get pregnant. Well even if she told him she couldnt produce a child, he knew the risk and he made the choice, I didnt lie or cheat to get pregnant.
Infact OM told me he had a vasectomy and could not have children and refused to wear a condom after so many years, so I let him, guess what that was my fault, I believed him. Now I have a beautiful baby to prove that I made a mistake. except, now we think of her as a blessing. But I was married so this time my husband is also a betrayed spouse, should he hate this child that grew in side me, from your standards I GUESS, BUT HE FEELS NO HATE FOR HER. He loves her. He loves all our children. I remember blaming the other women, we dont want to take it out on our spouses, because we want to stay with them, so blame every one else. EVER think what stories he told to get her to be with him, how long he pursued her, think its always the OW who chases. I can say No way it isnt. I think you enable your husband to not take responsibility, and what do we teach our sons about life and our responsibility. We hope to teach them abstenence. But if that doesnt happen and they learn from what their fathers have done. What did they learn? They learned its ok to cheat on their wife, and get someone preganant because you dont have to do a darn thing about it. Telling my kids what happened and why they have a sisiter was hard, just about killed me, but we were tired of lies and they have to be taught we make mistakes, but try to correct them.
I dont see how you can fix a marriage and have so much hate and anger, seems to be about money mostly, some think money is an act of revenge, NO! I say money is going to the OW because they deserve some help and if the man who was with her emotionaly and physically can not do that, then she deserves any help she can get, after all she is facing up to her responsibilities.
I dont think a man running from a child he produced, says much of any thing for him, except shame on him. No one is saying you arnt hurting, but I see alot of women saying the OW did this and that, well guess what the husband did it to. I can tell you when found out, the story he told wife wasnt close tot he truth about when how many times how long, he made up what ever he could get away with. we should be helping each other here instead of bashing each other. This is a debate, that will go on through out time. I cant tell you the number of times, I said, it isnt you I dont trust, its those women, haha what a joke, no one held a gun to his head.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Just Learning:<p>JL,<p>I do believe my logic supports my belief that MM are responsible to support their children. I haven't waivered from that. And I do mean financially. No one can force a dead beat to give their children love and emotional support. In my situation, I stayed with H because I wanted to try and save M. At the time I didn't know about this site and didn't know then what I know now about telling him everything. If I had, I still wouldn't have changed my mind about not having OM in my childs life however. Just because I chose not to let him acknowledge the baby doesn't mean that he isn't responsible. If I chose that route. yes, the ball is in my court on that one. In my case, that decision wasn't in the best interest of my son. Further, Both myself and OM had talked to a Priest who told us not to tell spouses. The story is long so for now I won't get into it. But I thought at the time I did what I thought was best. H wanted to work on M (he knew we had problems and told me no matter what he'd never leave me. He didn't know about A)<p>I don't think a mother keeping a child, no matter how it was conceived, is selfish. A woman's right to choose to keep a child is not selfish! I have a right as does any woman to keep my child, one that I love, regardless of conception. That absolutely does not make me selfish!! please! It touches on the one of the most innate pieces of our being. Please! If Justine's child is loved by his mother, that is what is best for the child in my opinion. Love is more important than prep school or nike sneakers. LOVE is something rich and poor alike feel.

If he was good enough to have sex with, and admirable enough to tell you to keep the oc, then why not let him in oc's life?
You're kidding yourself, CM.<p>And continuing to lie to who should be the person you trust most in life... your H.<p>A little scared perhaps?<p>You should be.
I was friends with ow/and her H. We did things as couples.
When her H found out, he fled the state leaving her and their 3 kids. Out of humiliation.<p>So I can hate her. She means no more to me than her oc. She pulls antic after antic and is a sore loser.<p>On the other hand, H is remorseful. Says over and over how he wishes he could erase those months of his life.
Ow in not a bit sorry and for sure thought a baby would tie them together in one way or another for life.<p>You have a lot to learn of relationships and honesty. My H's dishonesty is passed history.
We have recommitted our lives to each other.
BTW, you can't fake the kind of remorse H has. Well maybe you can, but as his wife, I know when he's telling the truth. <p>He strayed a while, and came back.
Ow however in our case won't give up the ship. Too bad. I feel nothing toward her but animosity, as does H.<p>Alone with 4 kids from perhaps 3 fathers. Yea, that's attractive.....<p>No matter what,she now looks like what she is...
Miserable.<p>Into each life a little rain must fall and it makes us who we are.<p>So CM, go now and tell your H what you've done....go on....or go get that great man who fathered your oc and see how he feels now.<p>Momof5 where do you find the time to sleep w/MM and your H and mother your kids?
FYI Ow wrote and told me of all the where's and times, but H already answered my q's. So she told me nothing new.
She did that to attempt to have me catch H lying.To anger me enogh to let him go. Guess what?<p>H said in the beginning that even if I left he'd never be w/someone like her.
It's just that all you women think you're entitled to something just for sleeping with BS husbands.
Face it, when the affair is ending desperate woman take desperate measures and it usually backfires and ruins many lives for many months.
Then when MM/W are renewing things a lot of OW drag things on and on not wanting to face reality. They had a baby and father doesn't want it.
All situations are different. I tried to see oc but Ow went nuts because my H didn't do the calling.....<p>So weary of all of this......<p>[ April 18, 2002: Message edited by: gemini1 ]</p>

CMiranda:<p>You're a smart gal and you've come a heck of a long way since your first post, but I have to continue to disagree with you about whether you're in recovery or not. You're not. Well, maybe in the sense that you're getting over your addiction to OM, you are (but the analogy to alchoholism is starting to fall apart here). What's important to remember is that, on this and many other such sites at least, "recovery" refers to the status of the M after an A is discovered and dealt with. Since your H is still oblivious to your A and the paternity of the child he's raising, your M hasn't even come close to starting recovery.<p>I do agree with K, though. As I've said before, you'll need some good C'ing to deal with this and help you tell your H and help him cope. Won't be easy, but you should do it.