p.s., the biggest thing, I feel a loss for, is I feel that I was not only betrayed, but my choices were taken away from me. H had choices, he knew W and OW. OW had choices, she knew OM, and knew he had a W. They both were aware of the triangle, but the W was not. <p>The longer you keep your spouse from the truth, the more shock, and hurt, they will have to endure when D-day comes.<p>ember

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>The longer you keep your spouse from the truth, the more shock, and hurt, they will have to endure when D-day comes. <hr></blockquote><p>CM,<p>What Ember wrote is true. I did not find out about our OC until she was nearly two years old. Mr. "T" was afraid to tell me (among other reasons, but A. He was afraid I would miscarry and B. He was afraid I would leave him)<p>One of the first things Mr. "T" told me on D-day, a couple of hours after I found out was and I quote, " You took this much better than I expected". <p>In all honesty, you really don't know how your spouse will react. I have learned one thing of fear...<p>F (false)
E (Evidence)
A (Appearing)
R (Real)<p>Fear is more worse than the actual finding out etc. I have read this thread with interest and really can't contribute much to it, except that depending on your relationship with your H will determine how the outcome of his emotions will be.<p>If you ever go back and read my posts from when I first started posting, you can see how over the course of time, I have settled down and am working really hard with Mr. "T" to regain trust...but Mr. "T" did work hard in reassuring me and was as someone put it in another thread "prostrate with remorse". I never asked him to crawl on glass or jump through hoops. All I asked for is honesty. Marriage counseling helps also.<p>I pray that you will overcome your fear, your hesitency and fear that your H will become angry, bitter etc. that you feel you see here. A betrayal that deep does hurt, but like I said before, your relationship and your history together will determine how your H reacts...he may surprise you and say, "I suspected..." <p>I almost floored Mr. "T" a few times when out of the blue I would ask if he cheated on me etc...deep down, I suspected something...in some ways, it was almost a relief to know that I wasn't crazy in suspecting things.<p>I will pray for you for wisdom and discernment and that you would have the courage and strength to do what you have to do.<p>Sincerely,
Twiisty

Catnip and Amiee have spoken for a lot of us. Thank you and well said.