Can anyone shed any light here?
I have posted in a couple different areas here so for background info on my situation check emotional needs topic from around the beginning of the month and current topic of Physical Intimacy.
Anyways, my W and I have made it a priority in the mending of our marriage to be totally honest about everything. And I don't just mean not lying to each other, I mean being honest with our feelings and not burying problems or frustrations deep inside.
This seems to have been a good idea thus far but as you can guess, just because your honest doesn't mean emotions won't flare up.
Today after one of our "honest discussions" the thought overwhelmed my mind that perhaps I might be too honest with her. I know that sounds weird because it sounds weird to me. I just wonder if she will come to a rash or premature decision based on the pressure of being "totally honest".
Does this make any sense to anyone?? I know I'll get responses from both sides of the fence on this one but I invite them all because either one may help shed some light.

Being honest doesn't necessarily mean you express yourself based on every gut reaction. Make sure that while being honest, you are also not being disrespectful or bringing something up at a bad time.
I do not think you can be TOO honest, but I do think you can express yourself in a hurtful way or in an unsafe environment.

Part of radical honesty focuses on the recipient. When you express your honest feelings, how does she react when she doesn't like your feelings? How do you react to her? You both need to work at creating a safe environment while maintaining radical honesty. Don't think that you have to tell her every thing that enters your mind when you think of it. Timing is important. Where you share your thoughts and feelings is important. Create a safe environment. Sharing your feelings about SF while you two are in bed might cause problems, so you'd want to set up a time to talk about it together away from the bedroom. Sharing your honest feelings about her appearance when you're having a bad day (or when she is) could be disasterous. Set the stage for your honesty. Based on her reactions, consider adapting to her needs so that your honesty is not an LB.

Smile

Smileaday,
Thanks for your response.
I definately understand what your saying concerning timing and gut feelings being exposed at will. There havn't been any of those moments yet, fortunately.
I guess I'm having a hard time expressing exactly what I mean with this topic. Let me see if I can word it a little clearer.
Where we are right now in our relationship is a very touchy point. Just over 2 weeks ago she told me she was ready to walk out the door and if it weren't for the kids she would have gone. Thank God for the kids!!!
This was a wake up call to end all wake up calls for me. She admits she should have been more direct over the years about what the real issues were but the fact of the matter is that I should have seen it coming because I have spent countless hours in marriage books and learning seminars to make sure I avoided just such a situation. Didn't sink in too well I guess.
I have been working diligently at fixing myself and correcting the habits I have formed that have put our marriage in jeopardy. I have been honest with my feelings and that is something I have not been good at in the past. I think that in itself may be a hard change for her to deal with as odd as that may sound.
There are alot of "Hot & Cold" times for me emotionally right now and when I'm down it is hard to mask. Sometimes the feelings just come rushing in like a tidlewave and she is affected by those moods w/o me even saying anything. Of course she wants to know if I'm OK so I am "honest" with her about how I am feeling. I feel it is crucial to be open with her but that is when I realized maybe that was too much. I guess my fear is that she will leave prematurely based on a rash decision because she can't handle my down times. Make sense?????
****On a different note I could use a little advise. I assume the women would be the ones to reply here but it's open to all.
My W stated in one of our conversations that the changes I have made, ie...cleaning, cooking, laundry, temper monitoring, tone of voice w/kids, etc., etc., etc., is great and that she hopes it lasts but it's her feelings towards me that pose the biggest problem. As I stated in a different post, she told me she is no longer in love with me. She said when she originally fell in love with me it just happened and she doesn't know if it will happen again. I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO WIN BACK HER LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been writing her little notes and putting them under her pillow, telling her how nice she looks(sincerely), telling her how much I love her(though she can't say it back right now), giving her touches of endearment and so on. I would also have thought the other changes would SHOW her how much I love her but apparently those things are now just a consolation prize. I need some suggestions from you ladies out there!! I absolutley REFUSE to give up on this relationship! Perhaps God is the only one who can help her fall in love with me again but I am willing to do the neceassary work.
It's all I can do to keep my head above water right now! PLEASE HELP!!!