OK...I have been a part of this board for about 20 months now, and have seen the bickering back and forth come and go in waves. Up until now I have lurked, posted when I needed help, and replied when I felt I could relate and/or help another. I have purposely stayed away from the posts which began to get "ugly" for the mere fact they just brought me more pain. Perhaps I should stay here in the shadows, but I have to say this much...and please bear with me, I am not as eloquent as others( and obviously not the best speller!)and my mind is on much greater and worse things than this. I come here to learn and seek comfort. Although in the past I have gained much insight and support, (and many have allowed me a shoulder to cry on), lately, I am not able to gain either. I am at a very bad spot right now...so this will probably be pretty frank.
For those who do not know my situation, as I see alot of new names, my H had a brief affair that produced a child, nothing shocking for those on this board. The OW/OC is niether seen or heard from, and yes we are financially responsible. No contact was ultimately my H's decision.
I could go into what I feel toward the OW and what she has done to my life, about the feelings of indifference and confusion I have toward love and marriage, the sense of insecurity I have now which bleeds into every part of my life. I will not though, because it is a waste of my time and will fall on deaf ears and will not make a bit of difference to anyone involved.
Through therapy and alot of self-reflection and revelation, I have been able to admit to myself that I have been taught to live my life a certain way. I was taught things as a child and have incorporated those things into my adulthood. I also thought that the people that I chose to live by my side shared the same feelings. I lived in a world of high expectations and disillusionment. (Sorry, I said I was a bad speller!) I have also been shown that I continue to assume that others believe in the same things I do and operate the same as me, and the reality is ...they do not. WOW, what a wake-up call that was for me!
Although this reality that I have been made aware of has hit nearer to my home than I had ever thought and wanted it to, it is the truth. People operate and react differently than me, ahhhh, even my H!
What I am trying to say, in a long-winded and a careful manner is...there is a way to tell a person how you feel, what your belief system is, and how it affects the way you chose to live your life...without trying to get the other person to accept and praise you for your beliefs. I think, and have been shown, that there are those on this board who have mastered this. I have learned from them and thank them.
I post on two other websites, as well as this one. (I think that is so that I can get as much advice as I can, although it can be quite time consuming!) And the truth is, the frequency of the thrusting of opinions, and the bitterness it sets off to one another is more frequent here. It may be because of the nature of the situations on this particular forum...I don't know. But it is not beneficial to the nature of the purpose of this board, which is to help one another heal from the pain of the fact that a persons spouse had a child with another. Whether it was fair/unfair, whose fault it was, who the betrayed is, what the marriage was like, what promises were made...it is PAINFUL!
So, if you can proofread your replies and posts, and honestly see the good it can do for a person, if it can offer the slightest moment of peacefulness and relief for him/her, then please post it. If not, hit delete.<p>Haven't too many lines been crossed already?<p>Just my thoughts...
NGU<p>[ April 20, 2002: Message edited by: Not Giving Up ]<p>[ April 20, 2002: Message edited by: Not Giving Up ]</p>
