I have a question to ask you all.<p>Let me brief you on my story. My H had an affair and now there is an OC. My H has a cousin who WAS married, and while he was married had an A and also has an OC. I have 5 SILs and only one of my SIL is close to the cousin's OW, who is close to my H's ex-OW. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] This particular SIL has contact with H's OC through the cousin's OW.<p>I have distanced myself from my SIL. Now my H and oldest son's b-day is in two weeks. Every year I have a big party for them. I've already made it clear that the cousin's OW IS NOT INVITED. I have no feelings whatsoever for my SIL. How can I invite all my other SILs and not invite her. My husband feels so bad about what she is doing, but cannot stop her. She does it at her house. I cannot invite her and ignore her and pretend that I am ok with what she is doing. What would you advise me to do.<p>PLEASE HELP!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

I probably shouldnt give advice, on here, but hate to see somene not get an answer when they need feeback. And since I am stuck on the computer any way, why not.
I dont know your family situation, but I would ask my husband if he wanted his sister there and would it offend other members of the family if she wasnt there. If she needs to be there, I would call her up and tell her how I felt, and say she is welcome, because she is after all family, but this is your husbands and sons day, and you do not want it ruined,.. so while you dont like what she has done, you would like for her to keep anything and everything about that situation to her self while in your home.
Then you can give your family there party but not ruin it, with hurt feelings and disrespect on any ones part.
.....

MOF,<p>The situation is that the ex-OW thought that her having my H's baby would have him leave his family. But, it did not work that way. Then she said that if H chose to stay with me, she did not want the OC involved. It is not because she thinks that something will happen to the child (5 years old), but 1)she is afraid that the child will establish a relationship with me, 2)that it is H and her child, not H and my child, and 3) only my H can see the child only if he goes to her house, he cannot take her for a while. She does not want her to know her other family (me and our kids). So we decided to wait until the child is old enough so H can explain to her just what happened.<p>The problem I have with trusting my SIL is that she has befriended this woman, and I nor my H feel that she has made the right decision. She comes over or call us and act like nothing has happened. No one can get her to see how she is causing problems. SIL also told me and H that no matter what anyone says, she does not see anything wrong with what she is doing, and that no one can or will stop her.<p>This woman and her mother have gone around saying horrible things about my H, me and my kids, and H's family. If this ex-OW was sensible and had the child best interest at heart (knowing her other family), it would not be as bad as it is. It was told to people that she knew it would get back to us. <p>This is why I feel the way that I do.<p>Hurt and Healing

Hurt,
It sounds to me( unless i am reading it wrong) that you and husband have been prevented from seeing child? There are legal ramifications to that. The courts would allow you time with out other woman if this was needed.
Your sister in law is looking at it from a different angle , she just sees that child as her neice and isnt looking at the big picture.
Maybe since it is your husbands sister, you should let him handle the problem, so you dont have to stress as much over it.
I can say, that I was terrified for the wife to be around my child, but I was wrong, and she has been nothing but loving to her.
You have to take a stand and then just let it go, and those who understand will accept this and those who dont will walk away. Not your fault or problem. You cant allow this to ruin your happy ocassion.

Hello,
I think that you answered your own question. If you do not feel like inviting her then don't. If your H wants her there then maybe he should talk to her. If he does not want her there and you don't then don't invite her. <p>This is suppose to be a happy occassion and if having your SIL will cause friction then I would say do not invite her. If she asks why she was not invited just explained it to her.<p>Dawn<p>[ April 20, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>