Hey there...I was having similar issues myself. I'm so tempted to just get rid of the computer altogether, sometimes. I really hate internet porn. What's funny is that I don't have as much problem with magazines or tapes, but I think internet porn is almost like a gateway drug. They start looking at it and before they know it, they've seen enough of the "normal" porn and all of a sudden, they are looking at some of the really sick and twisted illegal stuff. You can usually tell when they've been online looking at porn because, gee, surprise, the history has been cleared out. Check the cookies, though. Some guys don't know to clear those out...there are some other folders in which I've found things that cleaning history and cleaning your system don't even completely clear out. I'd have to poke around again to remember where I found them, though.
I would be concerned if he is e-mailing a "female friend" if he has just recently met this female friend. Did he know this person before you? Does he try to hide his e-mail from you or act nervous or shifty when you come in the room? Does he get extremely defensive when you ask him about it? If he's met this friend recently, I would put my foot down and say, "Hey, this makes me uncomfortable" and insist on meeting this friend. A man in love with you is not going to throw away a marriage over a friendship and if he's found a friend he simply has a lot in common with, out of respect for you, she needs to be introduced to you.
My husband was involved with internet pornography to the point that when he returns from being away due to his job, I'm insisting that we attend counseling...Here are some links regarding pornography addictions that can be useful:
No More Shame Recovery from child pornography If you need someone to talk to, I'm here, having been dealing with these issues, myself. Your husband has to be willing to work on it and has to be willing to do everything he can to leave NO doubt in your mind that he's being truthful or otherwise, it's not going to work. Luckily, my husband wants to change and he's assured me that he will do whatever it takes and that if I want to get rid of the computer, that is fine with him. I'm buying parental tracking software to install, too. Internet porn is NOT harmless when it starts leading to worse things...and I've known quite a few women who have gone through this same thing, now and were told all along that they were "over-reacting" and that "it's no big deal" and to "suck it up and deal with it" - it IS a big deal. Especially, when that person is meeting someone from online or getting involved with more twisted pornography. It hurts so bad to be on our end of this. I recently posted about this issue under the same board...and had a kind person give me lots of advice. It helps knowing you're not alone. Best of luck to you. I'd say you should have a talk with him as soon as you possibly can!
