I can empathize with your feelings. I am not in your shoes so I don't know how you feel. I wonder, do you love him still? If you do, I only suggest that you not do anything too rash. Take it 1 step at a time. Maybe you will have to follow through with your desire to divorce him. But maybe you will change and divorce may not be your choice in a year from now. I do see that you hurt deeply by H choice to stand up to his obligation, even though, it is exactly what you say, a sad excuse for a father. The message to child is just what you say it is. But I wonder what the message would be to child if the did nothing? That is the very reason I didn't want my son to be acknowledged by his natural F. I didn't think he could give what I felt our child needed and D wasn't a much of a consideration by that time for me. He claimed some great things in raising our baby but I could see beyond the grandiose intentions. I didn't necessarily handle the situation the best by letting H raise child as his own w/o telling him. I know that now, but not then. I guess I'm asking, what should you expect your H to do now? I'm not siding with OW who changed her mind about raising child alone, but I can understand how she thought one thing and then realized it wouldn't work.
I wish you could find a way to forgive your H for the mess he has created because I sense that you still love him but feel compelled to give him a choice between you and OC. Forgiveness is more about yourself and freeing yourself from the misery than it is about him. But love makes forgiveness easier, even if only alittle. There can't be any winners it seems to me. You seem like you are a strong woman who if you chose to, could rise above this. Its only a sense I get from your posts. It seems so sad for you and your children to loose your family. They really do need their father. They say that for every tear you cry, your children cry a thousand.
If he did walk away from his responsibility to OC (not to be confused with me saying OW) could you, your children, or his family ever really respect him again having left a child swinging in breeze? Just something to think about.

unhappy wife:<p>You really need to be transitioning to a Plan B separation soon. I wouldn't be too worried about filing for divorce right now. There is clearly love left in your relationship. But as your husband continues to lie and ignore and disregard your feelings, he's going to continue to kill your love for him. You need to get away from these daily reminders before this---before you just want to end up in a divorce.<p>By going to a separation, your husband will see how it feels to be a part-time dad to two different families. It's probably not going to be very satisfying. I don't see any of his current actions as courageous at all---in fact, he's being self-serving and he's unwilling to make any decision (which is typical of someone in an affair---the 'fence-sitting'). You've given him some time and structure to grow in his role as a responsible husband, and he hasn't done it. Please get your separation in place soon---while your marriage still has a chance.<p>God bless.

UnhappyWife, K's advice is the best IMHO given to you. I'm not sure but I think he told me to seperate not divorce last year.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>By going to a separation, your husband will see how it feels to be a part-time dad to two different families. It's probably not going to be very satisfying. I don't see any of his current actions as courageous at all---in fact, he's being self-serving and he's unwilling to make any decision (which is typical of someone in an affair---the 'fence-sitting'). You've given him some time and structure to grow in his role as a responsible husband, and he hasn't done it. Please get your separation in place soon---while your marriage still has a chance.<hr></blockquote><p>The thing I agree with most is letting your H see how it'll be to be divided between the children.<p>It'll make or break him.<p>Tread carefully as he's pretty much ignored your feelings all along.
Prayers and love to you today UW.
Debi