I read all the time and it helps but I have a problem and before anyone says let it go forget about it, I can't I have to know for my own piece of mind, here is my dilema, the OW moved away from her house, I have no idea where and I do not want to spend more money to find out, I know where she works but they will not tell, Ikenow her friends but the one with info also moved with no new number, should I pay or just quietly go insane, you see if I know where she is she doesn't bother us, if I don't she tries to contact H, she looks for hime at places she knows he goes and as long as I know where she lives she stays buried, so you can see the problem, she moved out on the 1st of April, oh and I have some credit card numbers her bank account number her drivers license number and who her doctor is, any ideas how any of that could help me??? thanks and please do not say don't bother because I will anyway

nf, how far are you and H into recovery? <p>I understand your obsession, but how far should one carry it out?<p>Have you and H had any counseling?<p>Please don't do anything rash at this time. You appear to be in a lot of pain. I'm sorry.<p>ember

Never forget,
perhaps if this woman has moved away she doesnt want you to contact her or keep tabs, consider it a blessing she is gone and move on with your life, I dont see how this obsession can be anything but unhealthy.
I am sorry you are hurting, but i think you should let it go and move on with your life... you are hurting your self.

Hmmm... neverforget,<p>I think that if you and your H can work together as a team and become a united front to thwart OW's attempts to chip away at your marriage from the outside, that might have more of an impact than her hide and seek games... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I'm sorry you are going through this. Is he still sneaking behind your back to see the OC??? [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Gosh, too bad you guys can't work together on this...<p>[ April 26, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</p>

actually I never ever contact her, no way never ever do I ever want to speak toher or hear her voice, I just need to know for my own peace of mind, she knows where we live so it is only fair, and no husband has had no contact with ow or oc in over a year, he honestly does not feel anything fatherly towards this child who is now 6 years old, he never had any real time except when ow tried to force it on him a year and a half ago it lasted 3 months and even though husband did try to bond there was nothing there and the realily sad part is that she told the child that H was his daddy and that he was going tp live with them, she is very sick and i do need to know where she lives for this fact alone, she lives in fantasy land, i mean she tried to contact him and make hime be a daddy by threating him and such, I do feel sorry for her child but not enuf to upset my life over it as he is nothing to me except a mistake that should not have happened and i would prefer he did not exist at all!

neverforget,<p>Just a thought, but if you havent heard from this woman in over a year, perhaps she has had enough to and has moved away. However if you just have to know, your husband pays cs then doesnt he have the right to know where his child is living. Can you look in court records.
I dont know, If this happened so many years ago and husband doesnt want anything to do with oc or ow, then consider your self lucky and enjoy your life together.
I have come to understand why some of the women here dont want contact with the child in question. I do understand, but I also feel if someone doesnt want to be in a childs life.. the child is probably better off any way with out the turmoil, so while i might have been offended at first, I think some of these women would think they are also considering this child. If they cant feel love for him or her.. then why bring them in there lives and let the child feel the anger since they are innocent.
So while I thank god, I dont have all this stress, I have learned how difficult this must be for others involved. My husband doesnt feel anger for my child he loves her dearly.. but he does feel hate towards xOM, he works on it daily.
I am sorry you are hurting so much, I hope it gets better for you .
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Well if my husband was paying support I would know where she is but the fact is he is not nor will he ever do so as she makes alot more money than we do and even if she took it to court she would get a maximum of $100.00 if that, that is a fact of the place we live, the other thing is she is too scared to go to court because she fears me,she has every reason to! and yes I do need to know, last time she moved until I found out where she lived she made my life hell and I refuse to go through that again but I had to hire aprivate detective to follow her to her house from her work for 3 days and that is not cheap you know but it gave me peace for a whole year now I may have to doiit again but I can not afford it, You have no idea what she is like I mean she does not give up, she stops for awhile and it could be a few months or a couple of years then she's back like the bad penny she is!!!

Neverforget<p>How would knowing where OW lives protect you or give you peace of mind? I would think that a restraining order would give you far more relief from her than anything. Next time she harasses you or H, call the sheriff and file an order for protection. And, her address will be on the order since this is important to you.<p>I guess I am not 'getting' why this is such a big deal to you.<p>My advice is to not sweat the small stuff because it will take you off guard and off focus should anything really big and nasty happen. Save your anxieties for real threats rather than perceived threats that may or may not happen. Stay close to your husband and concentrate on him and your family and try to think of OW as an annoying gnat buzzing around...it can't hurt you.<p>Take care and relax, nf<p>Catnip =^^=

LOL...the OW as a gnat...I've likened the OW to a cockroach...sneaking around when it's dark and scurrying off when exposed

Is your H dedicated to your marriage/recovery?? Does XOW harrass him?? I like catnip's idea. Why not BOTH of you file restraining orders on XOW and concentrate on your marriage? What a blessing to not be paying ch-support! XOW sounds very sick to tell OC lies like that; I'm sorry you have to deal with sickos.<p>Prayers for your recovery,
J
in recovery 3++years and happy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

NF,

sounds to me as if you seem to have the problem, you say you wish she was dead, you hate this other child, you want her followed , you hire private detective. Your husband doesnt pay cs, you dont have rights, why not let this woman move on with her life and you move on with hers, she hasnt contacted you in a year, thank god and move on.
sounds to me as if she is the one who needs the restraining order, I am sorry, but you are a little too obssesed with this woman and you frankly sound scary.
Get a restraining order against her, and move onw ith your life, my guess is she will find it a blessing. If she wanted that child in your life she owuld take you to court and force child support even if it was 50 cents a week.
You cant have a very good marriage or be working on it obssesing as you do about this.
It is very sad and I think you need help.