Hi, I'm new to the site and I need an honest opinion..
I'll be married 2 years this August and recently my husband has wanted to have "unusual" sex. Basically what he wants is kind of painful. It's not that I'm not willing to try, but I need to guide him. He feels like I'm just putting him off and don't want to 'totally' satisfy him. My thing is I never deny him sex EVER. I could be tired, ill, or whatever but when he wants it I'm there. I try the best that I can to make sure I do my part as him wife. But when I tell him that I won't 'do it' a certain way - he is instantly upset. I do not want this to be a continuing argument, discussion, and disagreement. I'm not trying to have strife in my home. I try my best to alleviate arguments as much as possible, but at this point I've begun to shut down because I'm tired of the same discussion. I'm praying for the Lord to either show him that I need a little more preparation or help me to be ok with it. Sexual intimacy has caused many divorces and I don't want my marriage to end that way. Do you think I'm jumping ahead of myself?
Any advice is helpful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Intimacy should never be painfull. What do you mean by you have to "guide" him. It sounds as if he is being persistant in requesting you perform in a way that is degrading to you. What do YOU want?

Sounds like Anal sex to me. If this is it let my tell you that NO WAY, NO HOW, NOT FOR A MILLION DOLLARS would I as a woman every have anal sex.

It is wrong, it can be damaging to your body, and it is messed up.

If you are a Christian then what is your husband? No Christian would try and force anal sex on you.

IT IS SIMPLY HEINOUS THAT HE ASKS THIS OF YOU AND YOU NEED TO SAY CLEARLY NO. SAY YOU ARE NEVER DOING THAT.

Dascoti,

I'm going to assume that baba2 is correct, and that H is pressuring you for anal sex. Well, here's some male thoughts (and remember, with my advice, you get what you pay for!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

IMHO, any sexual activity exclusively between a H and W, that both enthusiastically agree to, and causes neither one pain (physical or emotional), is OK. From that purely clinical standpoint, there is nothing wrong with anal sex, or oral sex, or sex with toys, or sex swinging from chandeliers, etc.

That said, it's pretty clear that general statement doesn't apply to you and H, at least not now.

First, you obviously aren't enthusiastic about it because (A) It DOES hurt, g*****mit!, and (B) you probably feel demeaned by it, as would most women, I suspect.

Second, your H is being an [censored] (pun intended) to continue pressuring you, knowing how you feel, and then having a hissy 'cause you don't want to do this. (Personal note to your H: "Grow up, dude! If you've got a woman ready to do everything sexual except THAT, count yourself lucky. SOME of us have been unwillingly celibate for years!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

If your H is smart (and give him SOME credit -- he married YOU, didn't he?) he'll figure out that his insistence on this item will probably sour you on sex altogether, and then he'll have to make do with Rosie Palm!

FWIW, I personally find the idea of anal sex to be distasteful, although I don't believe it's morally wrong, per se.

<small>[ June 14, 2004, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: fireandice ]</small>