Hi all! I just found out a few days ago I am pregnant. Just a little info, H had A for a month it ended 20 mths ago. H and I both found out about oc about a month and half ago, at which same time I found out about A, (double whammy!!) Anyway I am pregnant which makes number three for us. My co-workers were very upset with me and said I should have known better and they didn't think I could handle prenancy emotions along with emotional effects of A. I'm now scared to death thanks to them and I am very depressed. So I just wanted to know if anyone else out there has been as careless as I?

No, but we did adopt. Unlike pregnancy you can't accidentally adopt. We completed a plan we had made before D-day. Our marriage was in recovery but not all the way there yet. Actually seeing how good he is with our new sons is helping to restore love.<p>MJ

We weren't trying to get pg, but we weren't trying to avoid it either (this would make #5 for us)...just came back from OB's office and it looks that I'm not pregnant...Mr "T" and I have mixed emotions about this...we are kinda like "yeah.....but noooooo" we are very thankful for what we do have.<p>Tomorrow is D-day and I really don't give a rats Butt about it.....I guess I'm "getting there". <p>I pray that your pregnancy goes smoothly for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Twiisty

I have not post in such a long time, due to my ongoing drama. I was in the same position like you. I found out about my h ow/oc back in November 2000. I became pregnant in March 2001. Some people thought that I had to be crazy to get pregnant in the emotional state that I was. I miscarriage the baby in April, the baby had stop developing. At the time I was under a lot of stress, h and I were dealing with a vindictive ow who was making our lives impossible and we were in the begining stage of the court sytem. <p>I don't mean to scare you, but please take care of yourself and your baby. I know how difficult it is to handle pregnancy emotions, and dealing with ow/oc issue. I will pray for you and your baby. <p>Mina<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: mina29 ]</p>

yeodaisy, congradulations! I truly wish you and your H a great recovery, for everyone's sake. <p>I was pregnant on DDay, and had a subsequent pregnancy about 18mo later which resulted in m/c. The added stress to me was that I had another little life to worry about effecting and being fatherless if my marriage failed, but thank goodness it never came to that. <p>I think the baby increased our incentive to work on the marriage. It can be hard to balance couple-time with the demands of a new baby, who very much deserve the time they need. But it can certainly be done! Don't listen to negative people and nay-sayers. The deed is done and now you need support and positive affirmations!<p>Becoming pregnancy during recovery I think is like becoming pregnant during any other grief, like losing a parent or child. It is a mixed blessing because we are still dealing with the grief (of A or another loss), but it is still a blessing!! Take really good care of yourself so you can give from a "full bucket". [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>After I found out my subsequent pregnancy was not developing (that I would m/c), we went through a bad time w/the XOW. I got fed up with her whiney, emotional blackmail and called her for the first time in over a year. It was ugly, and I couldn't help thinking how unfair H had 'given' her a child yet we could not have another; yucky yucky. Thank God I'm in a different place (emotionally) today. <p>Take excellent care of yourself and your family and may God grant you a beautiful addition to your family! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>J
in recovery 3++years and happy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 01, 2002: Message edited by: Jenny ]</p>

My D-Day was Aug. 27 2001. My husband and I had been trying for no.3 when I found out about A. No wonder I wasn't getting pregnant. (Not to be crude, but sperm deposits were being made elsewhere). I thought that maybe I was too old and didn't think that I could have anymore children. After Husband's A was discovered I put it in the back of my mind thinking my motherhood days were over. I was working on Plan A and was trying to move foward with my independence. I was ready to go back to work. I wanted to be ready in case WS went back to
OW. I found out in Dec. that I was pregnant. Mixed blessing. I was scared because this was such an important time for us as a couple. I had also finally started to look good again (lost close to 50 lbs). My husband's no. 1 EN physical Attractiveness. I am now in my 6th month. I look fat again. I am worried, but things are going well. Only time will tell, but this baby is a gift. No matter what happens to my H and I, it is wanted and loved. I have to believe it was meant to be. We are doing well in ?recovery. I am still not sure if she is around. No way for me to find out unless I hire PI. Expensive. I will continue Plan A for now because it suits me. If I find out that she is still around, it is back to square one. We just are not there yet as a couple. I cannot be sure of him, but believe that if he is still unfaithful that I can handle the risk of staying for now. Again, my choice, not his. If she is gone, great. We move ahead. If not, when I am ready to give up, Plan B. It is so important to take control of yourself and make decisions for yourself. I want my marriage to work, so I am willing to put up with not knowing for sure for now. The truth always comes out. Maybe I'm being stupid, but this is what I can handle for now. I am happy about the baby, but not the timing. We can't have it all. I am just so happy to be able to have the little one. God has blessed me for some reason, and he has blessed you too. I believe things happen for a reason. You just have to wait and find out why.

I either became pregnant 4 days before D-day or 5 days afterward. I had kicked WS out (removed from the home), filed an order of protection (assault on D-Day - no lasting physical harm done to me) and then let him see the kids & I in a public place before he was served . I mentally kissed the marriage goodbye.<p>Then he became suicidal. I called 911 and they took him to the hospital but he talked his way out of the hospital in 6 hours. He called me from the hospital & told me that he loved me but he didn't want me contacting him as I had ruined his career.<p>I had called his family to come watch him, told him I loved him but he had made his choice and I was not safe with him and I didn't want my children to witness anymore aggression.<p>I called my brothers to come be with me. His family blamed me, claimed I was making up the whole thing, told me everything was my fault & left him w/little more than dinner & a movie (oh, and lots of $ to screw me in a divorce). <p>I prayed for God to turn his heart and for God to show me the way to be an instrument of peace. I did not want him to die regardless of what occurred with us. At 3am he called me & said there was a letter for me in the mailbox. I went out and read it and called him back. It was more confused messages about loving me, me abandoning him and suicide promises. I called him and asked if I could go to him. He agreed, astonished. I handed my sweet baby to my brother and went to him. <p>I put my life in God's hands as I didn't know what would happen. We talked and cried at his hotel, couldn't believe I hadn't come to the hospital to save him. I couldn't, they wouldn't let me and I had no one to watch my children.<p>We ended up making love in his hotel(completely unprotected, although H maintains it was never physical) and that is probably when I got pregnant. He went into therapy the following day for anger management and IC and MC.<p>We transferred cross-country and I am overwhelmed with this pregnancy and healing and meeting the needs of my two existing children at the same time, while keeping him alive. He was making great strides until recently. He has angry outbursts every weekend and breaks or damages property every weekend. He tried to commit suicide about a month ago.<p>Now I am considering leaving again for my safety knowing that he may commit suicide if I do.<p>So, YES, there are others as "irresponsible" as you. <p>I have ignored all nay-sayers and focused on those that said "God wanted you to have this baby." or "This baby is going to be such a blessing to you."<p>I do feel guilty as I wanted to give my other two children a much longer time before giving them a sibling. I worry about my ability to provide attention, love and patience to all of my children. The baby is just going to have to be in a sling all day and the other baby (she will be 23 mos. when the baby is born) in my other arm all day. My other daughter will be almost four (spirited, high-energy child) and I will just have to be the best I can be for her. I am journaling, trying to heal as quickly as possible and working on anger management so that my feelings toward my husband don't come out at my children.<p>God bless you & please take care of yourself!

Hello,
I was pregant on D-day. I was 4 months pregnant. It was a stressful time for me. When he had the A it lasted two weeks and it was a month and half that I found out that I was pregnant. Around the same time that his friend introduce him to OW. I am still very angry about the whole situation because I was at risk at m/c again and bleeding off and on. My H was suppose to be there for me but instead he went out and saw her.<p>I am happy to report that I delivered a happy healthy boy.<p>So, try not to be too depressed.<p>Dawn

NurseBetty,
I just want to give you a great big {{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
!!!!!!!!!!<p>My goodness, you have your hands full of stressful issues!!! You sound like a great mom. May the Dear Lord look over you and protect you and your children and may goodness prevail, whatever that must be.<p>Prayers,
J

Jenny -<p>Thank you for my hug at 1 am! I can't sleep again. <p>I should mention that I did not think there was a chance in h**l I was fertile yet. Zero signs.<p>My H sounds awful in my post but he felt terrible that we had sex without a condom that morning - took the whole burden on himself. He said "I keep screwing everything up." Not because he doesn't love this baby, but because he knew I wasn't ready and we were planning to wait at least three years before having another baby. At least he is a wonderful, loving father. <p>Dawn - the risk of miscarriage is significant, isn't it? Or were you at risk prior and he abandoned you? I'm glad the baby was OK in the end.<p>Incidentally, I was at risk AND had false negative pregnancy tests until I was 3 mos. along!