We are both ecstatic this morning. My W’s biopsy came back negative and life is good. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
I want to thank you for all of your prayers. They were undoubtedly well received.
I feel like we have been given a reprieve although I know life is a temporary gift to say the least.
It is so wonderful to have people as caring as all of you here whenever we need you.<p>I guess the next large obstacle we have to face is another childless Mother&#8217;s Day and we got through the last one so we will get through this one as well. There is just no movement by our sons as yet and each day the prospect of any type of reconciliation seems farther away. I have promised to help my oldest son this weekend and the youngest son and his wife will be there but W was told she is not welcome. It is very painful for both of us since I feel guilt at leaving her and seeing my boys. We have agreed that she must do something special for herself Saturday morning to keep her mind elsewhere. I know there is no solution but I am glad I can come here and give vent to my emotions.<p>Thank you again and may God Bless you all<p>ULA

ULA,<p>I am glad to hear that the tests came out well. I am sorry to hear about your family situation. I do hope that while at the son's house you can at least call your W and talk to her. I am sure this is going to be very hard on her. Do something maybe send her some flowers to be delivered while you are at your children's house.<p>I read your story and am constantly struck by the irony. She had a 27 year affair, the OM's child, and lied about it all to keep herself happy. Through sheer strangeness of circumstance her secret is found out and now she has lost most of what she sought to keep by lies.<p>But, if there is some closure to this situation I think and hope it will be that your sons will come around. It would be terrible for them to lose their mother, just when they finally see the real her. From what you have said, the real her is a very nice woman. <p>I know they are confused, and I know they are hurt by what she did to you. And I suppose by rights she should go through this for 27 years, but maybe they will understand quicker than she did what they have and could lose. I know it took her a long long time to realize it, but just maybe you can suggest that they learn from her mistakes and don't make one they will regret for the rest of their lives as well.<p>In any event, glad to hear the good news.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

used long ago, I am so glad your wife's biopsy returned good news.'that is a blessing for both of you.<p>I feel sad for you and your wife. HOw many of us will have children who likewise give up the WS parent when discovery of affair and OC come out? I think many.

Hi Usedlongago!
I REALLY like Just Learning's idea to send your wife some flowers on that day. I was reading someone's post on EN forum and they talked about a neat little game of hiding about 40 or so Hershey's Kisses around the house and for how ever many kisses the spouse finds, that determines the quality of restaurant they get treated to.<p>If I were you, I would do this. I would hide all sort of stuff around the house--little love notes and special Mother's Day wishes. In the kitchen cupboards, in her bathroom, in her drawers, wherever she may look, in the linen closet, etc. Just everywhere!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Won't that be fun for her???<p>Either that or you could dare not to go! I mean, what if you told your kids that you choose to be with their mom on Mother's Day? Why would that be so unheard of? To a degree, it feels to me like you are enabling their bad behavior... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] You know, by allowing them to set the rules when it should be the other way around. The Word says to honor our parents, not IF, but period, not up to a certain age, but period... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But oh well, just because our kids act like butheads doesn't mean that we didn't do our best to raise them as best we could!!! I just hope and pray that your kids realize it before it's too late to undo the damage. They are going to be raising kids of their own and OMIGOSH, I hate to see these kinds of seeds being planted in the gardens of their own lives...

Bintheredunthat<p>I really love your suggestion about the Hershey&#8217;s Kisses. Chocolate is one of W&#8217;s great pleasures in life and she deprives herself of it, as many of us do, to save a few calories. I think an indulgent day is in order on Mother&#8217;s Day. Great Idea! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have done the note thing before with great success, even going as far as cutting out a large red heart shape and taping it to the lamp shade that she turns on each morning when she arises. It moved her to tears and made me feel both happy and sad for her at the same time.<p>I think I was misunderstood about working with our sons. The Saturday in question was this past Saturday and in lieu of flowers I took her to one of our favorite restaurants that evening and we had a very pleasant night. I would never abandon her on Mother&#8217;s Day no matter what. I am sorry that was not clear in my posting.<p>It was awkward being around the sons&#8217; families without her. I felt like a fifth wheel, unaware of the recent developments in their lives. I try to communicate with them but the information is filtered. For instance, I overheard that one of the boys had passed out a couple of times due to back pain (911 was even called once) and had never told me. I related this to W and didn&#8217;t get enough details to suit her. She then became angry with me as if it was my fault! Her comment was &#8220;I guess if one of them dies we will have to read it in the newspaper&#8221;. Her frustration is sometimes exasperating for me. Admittedly my hearing leaves a lot to be desired but short of improving my interrogation tactics and tape-recording all conversations with them I don&#8217;t know how to appease her thirst for knowledge of their lives. I even took pictures in the guise of recording the new workshop, but really depicting DIL&#8217;s pregnancy since W realizes that she will never see her in that state. <p>Enough of the pity party!! Life is good except for a few brief interludes and we are in love, which is the most important thing to me right now.<p>Thanks for listening.<p>God Bless<p>ULA<p>[ May 06, 2002: Message edited by: Usedlongago ]</p>

Dear ULA,<p>I am so glad that your wife's biopsy came back negative. What a relief that must be for the both of you.<p>God is good. All the time.
All the time, God is good.<p>MJ