Me and my mohter n law got along fine before my son was born. Soon after she went crazy. All her siblings grandkids are with them all the time and have such a say in "everything", I think she thought it would be that way with her grandbaby and it's so not. Right after he was born, she quit her job (of 30 years) and told everyone she was going to keep him during the day (without even asking me), I went to back to work pt nights, and her son during the day so we wouldn't need a sitter and he could spend this crucial time with us, his parents! After the honeymoon phase wore off and everyone stopped coming over she continued to come over every day without calling, at all times..and if I wasn't home which happened alot, she'd call her son and complain. To top it off, we agree on nothing when it comes to child raising and she always tries to make me feel dumb or wrong for how I do it, by making little comments. She thinks she (and others) she be aloud to spank, I say absolutley no one does. She said I needeed to start cereal at 2 weeks, I waited untill four months, she thinks holding a baby all the time spoils it, not me. Overdressing and sweating a fever is right, nothings wrong with sleeping on tummy and with heavy blankets, it's ok to smoke around him, I say no way to all this. To me her ways are old fashioned and uneducated, and no matter what It's me and her sons decision. So when we do have a sitter to have "us" time, I perfer it to be my mom over her because my mom goes by what I say without fighting it..Which might I add led to world war 3. She'd put the quilt trip on her son all the time, it's not fair she keeps to keep him more, and see him more, (it's all an evil plot agaisnt her is what she thinks) Now that she isn't seeing her as much, it's turned into trying to cause trouble in our realationship and giving me the cold shoulder at family functions when she does see him. She tries to put things in her son's head like I put to much pressure on him and I should work even more and do just as much to support our family. Even though with my almost full time job I still do all the cleaning and cooking. Basically every oppurtunity to put a negative 2 cent in is used, and it's causing us strain. I am lucky that me and my husband are on the same team and he will let her know how it's going be, and what she can and can't do when with the baby, but since it's his mother and he loves her he doesn't see the side I see. Now at family functions she'll take him as soon as we walk in and unless I step outside not let anyone else hold him and If I walk in and hes crying before I can go get him back will literally run to get him first. It's like she wants to have this war. What's sad is now I try to avoid the contact so he doesn't get to see his Grandma as much but when we go somehwhere and she thinks she should wear a hat and I don't so she comments 20 times about wearing the hat, eventually I feel like I must be rude, and this is a constant thing it's just easier not to deal with it. What should I do to fix this, keep in mide she's stubborn and in an unhappy marriage (her son was her world until I came). Id like to go back to us getting along, but without comprimising how I do things and what I believe is best for my child. Sometimes I feel as if she would be happiest if I was out of the picture, and her son and her baby could live happily ever after.

Sounds like the show "Everybody loves Raymond" !! Sorry when I was reading your post all I could picture was Raymond's mother. Anyway, does your H support you in this and does he really know how you feel? Maybe show him this post or try sitting down with mil or write her a letter. I'd hate to be in your situation, fortunately my mil stays out of our business and we don't visit her often enough. My mom tries to tell me how to do things too but I just firmly tell her that I prefer to do it this way or whatever then I change the subject.

Good luck, hope things improve and that you can resolve this. She is losing out by acting this way, maybe try telling her that.

Marie

I feel so lucky after reading your post. My mother in law was terrific with our newborn (15-1/2 years ago) and I am forever grateful to her.

We have never spanked our son, and he has turned out just fine. My H's spanked their boys, and they turned out just fine.

We picked up our son whenever he cried, carried him around a lot, and he turned out just fine.

They didn't believe in picking up the boys or "babying" them, and they turned into good men all the same. My H is the kind of repressed emotions, but I don't know whether the "letting them cry it out" and not cuddling them whenever they wanted to be held had anything to do with it.

I nursed our son for over a year. My MIL wasn't able to nurse, though she made a heroic effort.

I waited about 4 months before introducing cereal mixed with bananas. The largest source of his nourishment was breast feeding. The baby doctor hardly ever saw him.

I don't know when my MIL introduced solid food to my husband. I know he suffered from childhood asthma, and that my MIL used to sit up nights with him because he got so sick and couldn't breathe. She was extremely devoted, a real saint. (She's still alive, I don't mean a dead saint.)

Our son never wore a hat unless it was really hot or really cold. I took him out in the rain with his head uncovered. He didn't get sick.

I don't know my MIL's practice with regard to hats.

The real issue is that you are the parents and you know best.

Maybe if you call her up a lot, and ask her advice on many things, until she is overwhelmed with the requests for advice?

By the way, how did the topic of spanking come up? Since when would anyone think about spanking a newborn? (Throwing them out the window when they cry all night, I can see. But spanking?)

MAYBE SHE THINKS SHE IS BEING A GOOD GRANNY OR MIL, BUT IF YOU FIND IT TO BE INTRUSIVE AND INVASIVE TO YOUR PERSONAL BOUNDARIES AND THE FACT THAT YOU HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP BEFORE, I WOULD ATLEAST TRY TO TALK IT OUT WITH HER MYSELF. YOU COULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE : I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT AND I'M GLAD YOU ARE A PART OF OUR LIFE. THIS IS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME AND I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT FOR MY CHILD, REGARDLESS IF YOU AND I AGREE. REITERATE YOU APPRECIATE HER INPUT AND ADVICE,BUT I WOULD STAND FIRM ON THE POINT THAT IN THE END THE FINAL DECISION IS YOU AND YOUR HUBBY'S. I'M NO EXPERT, TRUST ME. I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN AND MY MOTHER IN LAW ACTS LIKE I STOLE HER HUSBAND.
BEST WISHES FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!

<small>[ June 22, 2004, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: JANNY33 ]</small>