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MY HUSBAND AND HIS MOM HAVE ME AT MY WITS END!!

I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 8 YEARS AND MARRIED 3. WE HAVE NO CHILDREN.

WE WENT THROUGH INTENSIVE COUNSELING ABOUT THIS ISSUE WITH HIS MOM BEFORE WE MARRIED AND I MARRIED HIM BECAUSE FIRST I LOVE HIM AND SECOND THE ISSUE WAS HANDLED.

MY HUBBY'S PARENTS HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER 34 YEARS. MY FATHER IN LAW IS AN ALCOHOLIC,DRUG ADDICT AND ADULTERER. MY HUSBAND WAS STILL LIVING AT HOME WHEN WE MET AND HE WAS THE FATHER FIGURE IN THE HOUSEHOLD, MEETING FINANCIAL AND EMOTIONAL NEEDS FOR HIS MOTHER AND SISTER'S.

HIS MOTHER TOLD ME NO MATTER IF I MARRIED HER SON "I WOULD BE NO DIL OF HERS" AND SHE IS MAKING GOOD ON IT. MY HUSBAND TOLD ME WITHIN THE PAST YEAR THAT HIS MOM ADMITTED TO HAVING JEALOUSY AND RESENTMENT TOWARDS ME AND OUR RELATIONSHIP. BUT HER EXCUSE WAS THAT OUTSIDERS SHOULD NOT BE CHOSEN OVER FAMILY AND HE HAS A RESPONSIBILTY TO THEM.

I CAN DEAL WITH HER PETTINESS, BUT MY HUSBAND ALLOWS HIS FAMILY TO DISRESPECT ME IN HIS FACE AND DOES NOT EVEN FLINCH AND WHEN I TELL HIM MY FEELINGS ARE HURT ABOUT BEING BEGRUDGED, HE PASSES IT OFF AS NOTHING AND THEN BECOMES IRATE AND BELITTLES ME. THIS HAS HAPPENED 3 TIMES IN THE LAST YEAR. THE MOST RECENT INCIDENT SURROUNDS HIS FATHER'S FAMILY REUNION: HE SAYS HIS MOM INFORMED HIM VIA ONE OF HIS PHONE CALLS FROM WORK
OVER A MONTH AGO THAT THE REUNION WAS PLANNED AND THERE WAS AN INVITATION FOR BOTH OF US, THE REUNION WAS THIS PAST WEEKEND. WE WERE OUT HIS PARENTS HOME THE MONDAY BEFORE AND HIS MOM SAYS TO MY HUBBY WHILE I STAND THERE" ARE YOU COMING TO THE FAMILY REUNION?" HE SAYS KNOW I HAVE TO WORK AND THEN THERE WAS NO INVITATION TO SEE IF I WANTED TO GO OR EVEN JUST SIMPLY GIVE US BOTH THE INVITE. MY HUSBAND DOES NOT SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS AND THAT IS WHAT DISGUST ME THE MOST.

THERE IS A BLATANT DISREGARD TOWARDS ME AS A PERSON,HIS WIFE AND A PART OF HIS FAMILY. I HAVE TRIED TO MEND FENCES,I HAVE KISSED BUTT,LITERALLY TURNED MYSELF INSIDE OUT AND NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH. EVEN WHEN SHE IS BEING RUDE AND SELFISH TO ME I CONTINUE TO RESPECT HER. THOUGH I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I HAVE HAD A FEW CHOICE WORDS IN PRIVATE ABOUT HER AND THIS SITUATION.

MY MIL AND HIS SISTER'S HAVE NO CONTACT WITH US IN THE LEAST. WE ALL LIVE WITHIN A 10 MILE RADIUS OF EACH OTHER AND THE ONLY TIME WE ARE IN CONTACT IS IF MY HUSBAND CONTACTS THEM.

I'M TRULY CONTEMPLATING SEPARATION FROM MY HUSBAND. HE WANTS TO TRY COUNSELING, BUT I HAVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT. HELP

I can totally understand your frustration since I have a similar problem with the mother-in-law... a term I use loosly here since she abandoned her son, my husband, my husband for the first 13 years of his life. i think that you are placing way too much validity in her opinion of you. Your husband needs to see that you have value beyond his mother's opinion of you. It certainly seems as though you married a "momma's boy" who is intent upon receiving her approval or validation. when the two of you disagree, he probably goes to her to validate his own position within the argument and gets exactly what he is looking for... an agreement that you are wrong and he is right. stop fighting with her through him is the only advise I can offer. stop competing with her for your husbands affections and attentions. I know what it's like to keep biting my tongue... if you are like me, you feel it is not your place to defend yourself against her negative comments, since it is HIS mother, it is his responsibity to correct her, not yours. However, I must point out one thing that I recently came to see, if you do not spend much time with her alone, or if he spends the majority of time with her without you in the picture, then the only real opinion she could possibly have about you would have come from HIM. Most will say that they have no control over what the family thinks of you, this is wrong;. His opinion and comments are really major ways the family creates their opinions (if like me, you are not often around them due to the opinions that he so graciously lets you in on) Does he tell you what they think and say outside of your presence? That would be a good indication that he is the driving force in the degrading opinions they have.