DazedDawn - <p>I can totally relate to you wanting the whole thing to just go away. I still wish for that everyday.<p>You still have some hope (that I clung to for quite awhile). She may not carry this baby to term and you may do a DNA and find out your H is not the father.<p>I my case, the OW kept moving the due date backwards, giving me hope that it wasn't my husband's. No such luck. I can tell you what I have learned. Depending on her age, if they do an amnio, they can do a DNA at the same time. I did not find that out until after the amnio was done. That may have saved me much heartache by knowing sooner.<p>My H and I talked this morning and he is concerned about me. He knows I don't want this situation and thinks I could be better off by starting all over again. That is tempting. However, I made a promise before my family and God and I feel like I am supposed to make this work.<p>He is calling the OW to see when/if we can pick up the OC. I am sure she will say no. Then we will have to go to court. I don't know how that will pan out. In any event, we need to present a united front and appear unshaken. This visit will give us both an idea of how we feel and whether or not we want to pursue the situation. <p>There are days I wish she would just pack up and leave. She has never lived her before (only to mess our lives up), but I fear she is here for good.<p>My situation is a little different as we were separated at the time. I have to take responsiblity for my involvement as well. However, separated still means married. And we were in MC, she broke up with her and then she pulled all of this crap.<p>I wish I knew what to do as well. I have church tonight and that seems to help tremendously.<p>What is not fair is that you played by the rules and waited for your H to give you the green light to have a baby. This OW did not care and went ahead with her plans away. Why should you be punished for someone else's mistake? You were here first! You did the right thing. So now this OC is supposed to come above all else because you were patient. Once again, they punish the star performer. Or, as they say, nice guys finish last.<p>You still have some hope to hang onto. You can use this calculator http://healthlink.mcw.edu/article/923526833.html to input her due date and see if her story jives with your H version of dates, times, etc. This tells you the due date, date of conception, etc. That may also give you a good idea of how honest he has been with you.<p>That is my main issue. My H never lied to me, until she came along. Now, he has lied several times since. My argument - this is now part of our lives for the rest of our lives, are you going to continue to lie about it?<p>It is so hard to know the answers. We are working on a POJA and trying to see where we are at. Since I read Surviving an Affair, we haven't fought in 2 weeks. We are much more aware of LB. That may help with your parent-child relationship as well.<p>Isn't it amazing - I have taken the pill for 10 years without so much as a scare. OW claims to have been on the pill and gets pregnant right away. I have so many friends that would be awesome parents and can't seen to get pregnant. Then things like this happen. I guess no one said life was fair.<p>I still work out and go to church. I gave blood the other day and my BP was 102/66 in spite of all this mess. I guess I am making it through. Like the two of you, we want this to be over (get through it or end it) and go on with our lives. This is all we have fought about in the last year. Otherwise, we might have had some smooth sailing for once.<p>Take care.

Yet another sad update. We received a letter in the mail today that our mediation with the lawyer is set for 6/25. I of course began crying right away and he tore his up and threw it away. He says that he is tired of crying and doesn't know what to say anymore. As he was yelling at me today (while I was crying) he tells me to look at the whole picture. "I am having a f'ing kid with someone else Dawn!!! What do you want me to do? One minute you are filing for divorce, packing things up and talking about going to Philadelphia and now you are crying telling me that you want me to fight for this marriage!!!". What does he want from me? I told him that I only found out about this affair 3 months ago to the day and that the reality of this baby is only 2 weeks old. I told him that loving this baby would be the easy part, but that I didn't know if he had it in him to work on us. He still by the way doesn't believe that this girl is keeping the baby to spite me or to ruin us!! What a complete and utter moron my H is!!!! He is now starting to hang out with the guys that he first met when he went out of town to work. These idiots are all in their early 20's, single and love to drink. Can we say BAD INFLUENCE!! I couldn't bear his tone of voice with me any longer and let him stand there and watch me pack a suitcase. I told him that I hope this picture stays with him forever. He just gets all frustrated and keeps asking me "what do you want me to do?". I have never been one to be coldhearted but I truly hope that he falls flat on his face and ends up with nothing. He had absolutely nothing when I met him. He has everything in the world that any real man would want because of me. Now that he has everything I am being kicked out of the picture. Right before I left one of his real friends called who is actually very concerned about everything that is going on and feels terrible for me. When I told him that I hoped my H ended up with nothing he said the nicest thing to me, he said "Once you are gone Dawn, he has nothing else worth losing.". That made me feel good about me. All of my H true friends know that he screwed up and that he has lost the best thing that ever happened to him and they all genuinely feel terrible for me. So when he gets home tonight from hanging out with these idiots he believes are his friends, my closet will empty and alot of the things that I took off the walls and simply the majority of my things are gone. Also would you believe that right before he left he asks me where will I be staying. I tell him that he doesn't need to worry about that (even though he knows that I will be at my parents), but he says that he wants to know in case he needs to get a hold of me. He hasn't had anything to say to me nice lately so what does he need to talk to me about? Am I rambling yet? I can't help it... I just moved the majority of my belongings out of what was supposed to be my home for the rest of my life!!!! DAMN HIM!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] There really is no reason to hold on to anything anymore. I am the only one trying. He is embracing the single life already. Funny because just 1 week ago he was in tears over the thought of me leaving. I pray that I can stay strong enough to get through all of this without breaking down and wanting to see him or talk to him. I hope I can get through until the mediation and just give him what he really wants... A SINGLE LIFE!!!!

Dawn,<p>I wanted to take a second to give you something else to think about. <p>I know you are overwhelmed right now, but I remember when I first came to the board, I really loved the fact that reading posts allowed me to explore my feelings and ask myself the tough questions and get insight into what others thought was going on.<p>Brief bio on me: married almost 6 years, d-day december 2000, OC was 6 mths at d-day, affair lasted 1.5 years, had visitation H stopped last year.<p>What I wanted you to know was something about my H during the last two years. I remember reading stories of H's that broke down on their knees begging and pleading with the BS to stay married and work on rebuilding. I used to think, "what's wrong with my H, why won't he do that." In fact my H didn't seem super remorseful except for the first couple of days following d-day. He seemed to slide so easily into "business as usual" and here I was broken hearted and depressed.<p>I knew I wanted to stay and keep my husband, but it didn't seem like he was enthusiastic like some WS's on the boards. That would spiral me deeper into depression. It wasn't like he was being mean or unloving, but he didn't contantly reassure me, or apologize over and over, or talk bad about OW.<p>Long story short I was getting more and more depressed. I ended up on Wellbutrin. Best thing that ever happened to me because I started not giving a flip what he did. I was able to concentrate on me and rebuilding me from the inside out. (i'm off the antidepressant now)<p>Fast forward five or six months after going on Wellbutrin my H has a breakthrough of his own.<p>Turns out all this time I was obsessing about how he should be reacting and treating me he was going through his own personal hell.<p>He was feeling terrible guilt and anger at himself for making such a horrible mess of our lives and our marriage. Every time I struggled with him to do more to make it up to me it perpetuated that guilt and he would withdraw. All he wanted to do was forget and my constant pleas for reassurance was only a reminder.<p>It took him almost a year before he started really showing a huge effort to make this thing work. We started going to church together, praying together, communicating (one of our biggest obsticles) and coming up with our POJA.<p>Guilt can be a powerful thing and could be causing your H to withdraw and avoid. <p>I think the fact that I stopped demanding and dictating what I thought he should be doing it allowed him to just do it naturally. Without pressure or expectations. First it started to be a little, now it's a lot all the time. It's like being married to a different man. He's more loving, honest, communicative now that he ever was. But Lord knows it didn't happen overnight.<p>There are many women here that are far along in their recovery that can tell you about some of the behaviours the WS's displayed. The WS goes through stages just like we do. And society has put pressure on them to not show they are vulnerable. It just compounds the problem.<p>One newbie once posed the question, why does the BS have to do most of the work to rebuild the marriage. I didn't have an answer, I just knew it was true. Seems like the BS should be the one laying back and reaping the benefits of an aplogetic spouse, unfortunately that isn't always the case.<p>I hope I've helped give you something to think about... perhaps Heavenly will be along soon, she's got some good stories about how her H has "grown".<p>There is hope Dawn, but you have to figure out for yourself whether or not buried below his guilt and humiliation if he's got it in him to "do right" once you figure that out, you can plan your next move.<p>Best of luck. Keep posting and keep reading.<p>Z.

Zebrababy,
Thank you for your words of wisdom. I believe that my H does feel guilty for all of this. He tells me over and over how he is embarrassed to even go around his own family. He believes that the best thing for me to do is to walk away so that I won't need to go through the pain of seeing this child. He also doesn't know how he will ever show his face around my family. I told him that anything is possible if WE did it together. That is a concept that he has never understood. He has always expected me to take care of everything. I was so upset with the heated argument we had today that I packed up my entire closet and had my parents help me move some things out of the house. We talked around 10 tonight and he says that he just doesn't understand what I am doing. He was getting so frustrated that he told me that I needed to make up my damn mind. What does he want from me. It was just 3 months ago that I find out that he was having sex with someone else and only 2 weeks ago that we found out that she really was pregnant. I never thought that I would want to stay with him after sleeping with someone, but I slowly came to the realization that I still wanted to be with him and then I never thought I would stay if this child was a reality and I have been trying to make peace with that also. I told him today that loving that child would be the easy part, it's what we have to do to rebuild this marriage and make it what it should have been in the beginning that is hard. When I talked to him tonight I also told him that it is probably just better to not see or talk to each other until this mediation takes place on 6/25. He asks "Why is that?". Hello!!! It's obvious that this is killing me and that he is getting frustrated so why would he even want to see me? He tells me that I need to look at the entire picture. That I'm not really looking at what is going on. The hell I'm not. I am willing to sacrafice knowing that his first child won't even be with me, but yet I am not looking at the whole picture. I only know that it is harder to picture my life without him than it is to deal with this child. Bad thing is, I know that my H is going to fall flat on his face when this is all over. I told him tonight that he needs to remember for the rest of his life that he was married to someone that was always willing to stay in his corner no matter what!! You are right Zebrababy, I know that we are both going through our own stages of grief and depression and everything else that goes along with this, but I just know that in the end we are going to look back on this and wish like hell that we would have saw this all the way through. Some of my friends tell me that maybe somewhere down the road (1 or 2 years) that maybe we will cross paths again and reunite. It's a silly wish, but one that I hold onto. It's all I seem to have now. We are both driving each other completely crazy!!! Thank you again for your thoughts and I pray that real and true love will prevail in the end. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear Dawn<p>After reading this thread, I keep coming back to the same conclusion as Zebra has offered and I would like to add...your husband has put up a protective wall around himself.<p>It's too threatening to allow himself to show you how profoundly remorseful he is for what he has done. He probably uses the "get over it" stance as a defensive mechanism to minimize the destruction and to inadvertantly cow you into acceptance.<p>Right now there is so much turmoil in your relationship and passionate feelings surfacing because of the incredible pain that everything seems so out of control when in fact, this is Stage 1 in the recovery process. <p>The shock and horror of discovery is something we have all been through and almost every one of our husbands have reacted much like your husband is reacting in the beginning. They all want this awful thing to just go away. And many of them are in total denial until the DNA results are verified. My husband was constantly grasping at straws. He was convinced, or trying to convice himself, that the OW was either lying or there were other bio dad candidates.<p>My discovery of the affair was almost common knowledge from the moment the affair began. For six weeks he denied they were anything more than just friends, and I desperately weanted to believe him so when he admitted to the sex part, I was sick with grief. I thought that was the end of it and we could begin again.<p>For two weeks we went through Stage 1 of the grief process and working to rebuild when I was suddenly hit with the news that there was a pregnancy. Because I was unable to have our own child, I completely lost it. The pain of finding this out was a million times worse in every way than the devastating news of the infidlity, which at the time, was the worst thing that I could ever imagine. <p>Right away, after just a few days, he took the "Why are you still hanging onto this?" "This isn't going to work, you'll never get over this or forgive me". It stunned me that he wanted and expected instant acceptance and compliance...that he wouldn't give me time to absorb or get used to this horrible, horrible news. But, he couldn't accept it himself, it embarrassed him, it shamed him, he thought men that did things like this were scum and now he was one of them in his own eyes.<p>Your reaction is not an over-reaction in the least because there is nothing on this planet worse than this in a marriage. It took my husband several months to pull out of his self absorption and look at how this had effected me. When he began focusing on me and put down his defenses, we began to heal, I began to heal.<p>Dawn, your leaving and moving in with your parents may or may not be a good idea for a lot of reasons, but if you do this correctly and treat it like a Plan B, something wonderful might eventually come of this for the two of you. I don't know of anyone else here who left right away but by doing so, you might accelerate his desire and determination to work on the marriage. <p>It doesn't seem right or fair for the Betrayed Spouse to be the one who fights for and works the hardest on the marriage in the beginning months after discovery, but I think the reason for this is because the Waywward feels that so much dmaage has been done that trying to fix such a huge mess is an exercise in futility and it would be easier and better for everyone to just let it go. They don't believe they can ever be forgiven and think their lives are just going to be a living hell and they don't want to take the Betrayed down with them. Knowing that to stay with them means that they have to live with their Spouse having to endure embarrassment and watch their financial situations deteriorate is too much for them to face. So, when he is talking about "the big picture", he might be referring to some of these points. And if you are in too much raw pain to discuss these things right now, the emotions will cloud any logical solutions. You have to get through this stage of grief before you can make sense of anything or make any real decisions.<p>Dawn, I don't know if you have spent any time exploring the Harley principles and policies and rules, but I strongly encourage you to take some time and study these divinely inspired principles and use them in your life...right now. Regardless of whether you stay with your husband or end the marriage, these principles will help you heal from this trauma and give you clarity and resolution. You will need this regardless, Dawn, because even if you are alone, the damage is extensive and needs to be addressed.<p>I feel so badly for you and so badly for each and everyone of us here. We have all been through so much and the road is so rocky and treacherous. But, there are wonderful opportunities ahead, and the possibilities that exist here are endless. The marraiges that survive often rise to a higher plane. Some say their marriages are better than they could ever imagine. But it takes time and patience, compassion and forgiveness. And these things don't come to us all at one or right away...they come in stages.<p>Right now, be kind to yourself. Take some time to focus on you and what is in your heart, study the Harley principles and pray...stay close to God and stay quiet enough to listen to His answer. His will be done.<p>Catnip =^^=

Thank you Catnip and Zebrbaby for your insights on why my H may be reacting the way that he is. I was looking at it as he was being a heartless ba****d, but your words make alot of sense. My H has said numerous times that it isn't fair to me that I will have to go through the this for the rest of my life. I wrote him a letter today telling him that I realize the pain that he is going through and for his sake I would walk away. I told him that wasn't what I wanted, but I didn't want us to end up resenting one another and fighting non stop. I wanted us to always have love in our hearts, despite the mess that we are in. Well he didn't want to hear that because he called right away to talk about it. Again he said that he didn't know what I wanted him to do and that he was going by my actions. He is right I am giving him a different reaction every other day and I told him that I really don't mean to make the situation worse, but rather that I am just trying to process this whole situation. I told him that I want more than anything to be with him, but I stop short of telling him that because I couldn't bear to be hurt again. All I can do is continue to pray. I went to the library today and got a book called Knowing When It's Right: An Intuitive Approach to Improving Relationships. I thought this would be good to read so that maybe I can uncover what my intuition is saying about the whole thing. Whether to stay or go. I can not stress enough how much I truly appreciate all of you for the strength and courage that you have given me. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. THANK YOU!!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dawn,
Is your H going to have contact with OC?<p>Dawn

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by DazedDawn:
<strong> "I am having a f'ing kid with someone else Dawn!!! What do you want me to do? !!!!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Gee where have I heard this before? Just insert my name in there instead of yours.

One of the things that helped Doc and me the most was during the begininng when we just couldn't seem to talk...was we'd write down questions or feelings and give them to the other person to read when they felt able to. Sometimes the reply would come back as a writen , sometimes a discussion. This allowed the both of us to try and keep a better check on our emotions.<p>While my OW has miscarried this is far from over for us.And while I probably should move to another area of this board now...the truth is these ladies here comfort me and I'm just not ready to do that.There is no baby anymore...just the ghost of.

DocsGirl - <p>Did you ever find out if she was indeed pregnant? It sounds fishy that just as they were going to tell HR, she miscarries.<p>Aren't miscarriages messy at this stage of her pregnancy? Wouldn't there have been some type of evidence? I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like she just said, "Oops! I miscarried." (No cramps, no bleeding, etc. Did she see the doctor?)<p>I agree that the real danger now is her emotional dependence on your H as they "grieve" together. If you could prove that she never was pregnant, you can eliminate a lot of heartache. It would keep your H from being drawn to her.<p>It could be that she was buying time until she actually got pregnant. In any event, I would try to uncover the truth and prove to your H what a piece of work she is.

To Dawn71: Yes my H wants contact with the OC. Because his father left at 2 years old he does not want this child to grow up without a dad. Mind you thought that the OW lives 3 hours away, so I am unsure just how much contact will even happen. Not to mention that my H works different shifts and usually 6-7 days a week depending on the job that he has been put on. He is a Boilermaker and works different jobs and also travels. His first job out of town is where he met the OW. So like I said I am really unsure just how much contact will take place. The OW told him that she does not want to raise this kid alone, but what she really means is that she wants my H in her life. I'm not sure what she is expecting since like I said before she lives 3 hours away.
When my H and I talked to a pastor a couple of weeks ago, she was trying to tell him that it was very noble of him to want to be a father to this child, but that the marriage comes first. He, of course, can not grasp that concept and his thoughts are simply with the fact that he is going to "have a f'ing kid that he is not ready for". My pastor told him that in the end he will not have me and probably not even end up with this baby. He claims that I am not looking at the whole picture (because I want to still be with him), but in reality he has not begun to see what the real outcome of this whole mess will be if he doesn't put the covenant of marriage first for once in his life!!!! I can't stress enough the bad feeling I have about all of this once I am out of the picture. Continuing to pray, that's all we have right now. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> The OW told him that she does not want to raise this kid alone <hr></blockquote><p>DazedDawn - Isn't that amazing? She should have considered that before she had an affair with a MM! Go figure. It is also amazing that the OW will say she "can do this on her own, doesn't need financial support, etc."<p>That all changes once the OC is born. The OW wants money, time, and gets tired of raising this child alone!<p>My question - how do they justify all this in their heads. Haven't they read the Ten Commandments? What do they think is going to be different? He was married when she met him!<p>I honestly don't know how the OW can live with themselves and believe that they are right.<p>It is interesting that your pastor said to put the marriage first. I have heard that from several women here. I still have difficulty following that (since my pastor has not told us that directly).<p>Hang in there.

dazed dawn, I know how you feel. I just heard Dr. Joy Brown on the radio speaking to a woman whose H had an A, and after 3 days after d day, he expected her to be over it.Dr.
Brown said H had no right to demand anything or ask anything. he did the crime, he has to pay the price-which includes the BS fury, sadness, emotional response. And that anything the BS needs from BS she/he must demand, not even ask.<p>this is what troubles me with my H. He is making demands of me to include OC in our lives. I feel he should be begging me to stay in marriage, certainly not be making demands about contact. That is not the way it is.<p>Steve Harley actually thinks my H was used by OW, to have child and not intending to stay with him at all. Interesting thought, huh?

Right now with tempers running so high, I thought that for now I should take a step back. I have been confusing the hell out of my H and confusing the hell out of myself.
When I first found out about this A, I was told by the OW friend. She told me that they slept together on the first night and that he got her pregnant back in December. He then gave her $700 to get an abortion. I called around to clinics and that price is outrageous. She of course would not let him go with her to this abortion, but he swears that he saw some type of paperwork after. Funny how 1 month after this abortion she ends up pregnant again. It disgusts me that my husband would even be dumb enough to sleep with her again after this first "pregnancy" not to mention that a friggin light bulb didn't go off in his head when this tramp was so willing to have unprotected sex with him again right after aborting this supposed first pregnancy. I thought that it was even odd that she claimed to be pregnant the second time after she knew that we were trying to work it out. I thought this has to all be some kind of scam. I never imagined for a moment that my H would come back and confirm that she really was pregnant. Prayingforpeace gave me a website to go to to figure out if her due date and everything were right on. The OW told my H that she was due at the end of November, but when I input that # the conception date doesn't line up. If you can't tell I am stilling hoping that someone will shake me and tell me all of this is some sick joke!!!!
I have tried so hard for the last 8 years of our relationship to try to figure out ways to make it work. I can't do that anymore. It is exhausting!!! My H says that he just can't cry anymore, and that he just doesn't understand what I am doing. Neither do I. All I know is that I can't fix this, and I hate it!! I am torn between leaving for good and taking the necessary steps to work this out. GOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

DazedDawn please pray.
My H wanted contact and was willing to give up our many years together to do it. I plan b'd and took him home and he started again.
Well after over a year with an unruly ow he's had enough and wants a "normal" life. Sans the baby and ow. God granted that for my emotionally disturbed only son...and me. Our son was DEVASTATED beyond belief.
I am a GOOD person. I prayed my heart out and raged at God to hurry!
He answered me in HIS own time.<p>God will show you the way for your personal peace.<p>My bet is your H will want a normal life with you and forego the baby. It most always causes emotional distress, not because it's a baby, but how it got here in the first place...the devil's workshop.
I don't see how he can't just pay the hush money and go on and be a better man with you.
Out in the open and not ashamed.
peace and love to you.
Debi

Dawn -<p>I wish so badly that I could tell you this was all a bad dream and you will wake up. I hoped for that for a long time, too.<p>As for the abortion, the price seems really high. Granted, I have not priced one, but I thought they were $350-$450. I know from when my H took the OW to get one that they counsel them individually and do a sonogram to see how far along she is. Then they have to think about it and come back later for the abortion. Therefore, there must be some record, sonogram, a couple of appointments, etc.<p>If he was foolish enough to do this twice, I would seriously consider your decision to leave. I am learning how most people's marriages seem to cycle like this (maybe not an OW/OC) but they seem to start out with similar feelings. You have to find peace in all this, but realistically, it is way too soon. <p>I think you need to arm yourself with some facts (about abortion, pregnancy, etc.) and have a discussion of radical honesty with your H. Ask about dates, etc. and see how it all adds up. Maybe you should take a few days apart and see how you both feel. One of our MC suggested we live under the "umbrella" of a pending divorce and see what we think.<p>I think you need more information before you can make a decision. Don't feel bad that your emotions are all over the place right now. It is just part of working through the process. Your friends mean well and are probably asking you what your plans are. However, be careful, because they all have opinions that will sometimes muddy the water even more. You are the only one who has to live with your decision.<p>BTW my middle name is Dawn.<p>Hang in there.

Dawn, I dont have much to offer you except my prayers, in my situation I am still trying to find out if she is really pregnant. She conveniently became pregnant when she found out I was preg (four months by then). BUt I will tell you what I know about pricing abortions the cheapest are performed for @400$ and they go from there to 1200 which is the price at four months when they stop doing abortions, the 400 is the price up until 8 weeks i believe and it just goes up after that.<p>Docsgirl, if you come back, I too am curious about this miscarriage, did she spend any time at the hospital? Are there records? Sounds fishy but I can't say I'm not hoping for the same outcome. <p>Good Luck and many Blessings to all of us, we'll need it. <p>Bridgette

I am letting go. My H has not been home for 2 days. I went there today to check on the cat and realized that $150 was gone from the account, a toothbrush and deodorant. I looked in the closet and no "nice" clothes are missing, not even the usual shoes that he wears when he is going out with the "guys". There was no note and his cell has been off. I wrote him a letter on Monday telling him that I was willing to walk away, because I felt that that is what he is wanting. I told him that there would never come a day that I would not mourn the relationship and what could have been, but that he would always be my first love...the usual teary eyed "I'll do what ever you want to make you happy". I talked to his sister today and she had made the comment that he had told his mom about the letter that I wrote and he was "tore up about it". Amazing how that tears him up and then he just leaves town with no trace and no one has heard from him.
I am so physically and mentally exhausted from this whole thing. My H is very good at self sabotage and he has done just that for the last 8 years of our relationship. Whenever things are going well or things are lining up (like this year with his great job, my respiratory therapy degree and the promise of our first baby) he does something so erratic that he demolishes everything. He knows that I still want him, because I told him again on Monday, but that he had to understand that I am still trying to process all of this and I don't want to be hurt again. So what does he do? HE LEAVES WITH NO TRACE!!! I just can't take all the pain and drama any longer. I love this man so much and despite everything that he has done in the last 8 years I have always stayed in his corner, but I can honestly say that I just want this done. I am afraid that he is going to personally and finacially ruin himself and take me right along with him.
I ask that ANYONE who reads this to please pray for him. He needs it more than me. He is so lost and confused in this maze of complete misery and loss of self worth (although he won't admit that) that he is capable of completely destroying himself. PLEASE PRAY AND KEEP HIM IN YOUR THOUGHTS. Despite it all I love this man and never want to see any real harm come to him.
Thank you again to all of you who are concerned with this mess. <p>
Dawn <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

I am so sorry, Dawn. I wish he could talk to Bipolar Bear...sounds so familar...and so long ago. Thank God.<p>Your husband sounds bipolar to me.<p>You are in my thoughts and prayers.

DazedDawn - <p>It sounds to me like he has a fear of success. When things start going well, he finds a way to destroy that.<p>Maybe you can start by showing him that he is worthy of good things in his life. After all, he found you.

Well he called today to let me know that he was still alive and that he had spent a couple days hanging with his losers, I mean friends, from work. I didn't ask any questions. Don't really care to know. He acted suprised that I hadn't left any messages for him on his voicemail. I told him there was really no need to do that, because I can't walk around and constantly worry about what he's doing and who he is doing it with.
I was wondering, some of you have talked about Plan B. What exactly is that and is that what I am doing right now. I thought about getting the Harley book on affairs, but in a way I felt if I did I was fooling myself into holding on to a false hope. Maybe someone could recommend something for me.
Please continue to pray for my H that sooner or later he realizes what he is doing and also that we can both grow from this whole mess. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]