I posted below about my appt. with Steve. K, heavenly, others, what do you think of what he says? I just know H won't give up contact with OC. He is too far entrenched. What he fails to see-his contact with child pushes me further and further away. I swear-he acts like nothing is wrong around here.When I give him an upset look, he actually asks me what is wrong. I finished the questionnaire on love busters and will send it to Steve tomorrow. I hope H contacts him for appt, but really don't know.

Dear UW,<p>Sorry to butt in, but I just wanted to let you know that I have counseled with Steve, and I have been very impressed. He is much better than the vast majority of counselors I have been around, and since I am a masters level counselor, I have known a lot.<p>If your H would be willing to talk to Steve, I think you would see a marked increase in your recovery.

UW:<p>I spent a lot of time counseling with Steve several years ago (and hey, I'm even considering a couple tune-up sessions). Steve is hands down terrific---he's compassionate, articulate, skilled, a terrific motivator, and his counseling plans have real measurable goals and you will be successful regardless of whether your marriage is saved. I don't have the volume of experience that John has with counselors, but Steve was roughly 10-times better than the other's I contacted or used.<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I just know H won't give up contact with OC. <hr></blockquote><p>What you really know is right now, your husband won't give up contact with the OC if you ask him to. You're in a tough spot---YOU need to rebuild your husband's love for you. Not fair, huh? But if your husband was truly, romantically "in love" with you, we wouldn't be having this conversation. He'd be taking actions to protect your feelings. Steve will work with YOU to build your marriage skills, and help immediately address issues that will take some of the edge off this situation. That's one reason I strongly recommend you keep with the counseling for a while.<p>The second reason is that your husband needs to be educated by a "disinterested" third party who he might actually listen too. Steve is great with being empathetic with "clueless" spouses (engaged in affairs and other selfish behaviors), while being able to "educate" them on what they're doing wrong, and how they're endangering their marriage. <p>You can't simulataneously pull your husband closer to you (through rebuilding romantic love), while "pushing" your husband back into the marriage (by educating him and having him abandon thoughtless and cruel behaviors). Steve will teach you how to pull (rebuild love), and I'll guarantee you that your husband will get the education he'll need to be pushed towards the marriage.<p>It doesn't always work. But in this case, I'd guess that the affair is probably really over, and I think that your husband does still "love you"---it's just that he doesn't have a clue as to what YOU need that love to look like. That's Steve's job---to guide and teach him.<p>I hope the two of you get there...<p>[ May 08, 2002: Message edited by: K ]</p>