We have been married for eighteen years. Our relationship is good but it could be better. In the early years of our marriage we had the traditional sex. Not much experimentation. Over the years I have wanted more sex more often and desire my wife to take a more proactive approach. This would include role playing, self masturbation while being watched, sex anytime anywhere (within reason), toys, etc. She on the other hand does not have the desire, or as she would put it, not the necessary skill sets to accommodate. Any advice?

Hi, from a woman's prospective, sex must be romantic, have foreplay, no distractions, etc. Questions: are you two middle-aged? are your kids grown & out of the house? Is your wife in good physical shape, since otherwise, she may be self consious. What does "necessary skill sets" mean? You must have know your wife was not adventurous all along? My husband too is very rigid, in that sex must be in bed, no toys, missionary position 99% of the time, etc. Even tho, over the 20 years, he masturbates by himself, collects & watches x rated movies, usually alone, visits strip clubs, not with me - (what does this mean from a man's point of view?). I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, as you probably do - hard for someone in mid-life to change? I am in good shape. wear sexy stuff and initiate alot, but to no avail (same thing, different day). Does someone out there have any ideas?

I agree with the romantic portion about sex and that women need the nurturing and everything that goes along with it to be satisfied. We both are in our early to mid forties and have two children 9 and 6. My wife is a little over weight as I, but I do not find that unattractive. She being a woman, makes it a big issue and I support her in every way I can when she tries to loose the extra pounds. The verbiage "necessary skill set" came from her. I enjoy watching her play with herself but I suppose she feels inhibited. She is somewhat like your husband except she does not do the clubs etc. Although I have encouraged her to go for the experience. I suppose your husband likes to fantasize. He gets his "eye candy" but is not allowed to touch. personnally I would prefer watching my wife dance and strip. Very erotic. Unlike you, my wife rarely initiates and only wears the sexy clothes when I ask. Even though she does it it still it make withdrawals from the bank because I had to ask. If she just did it own her own mega deposits would be made. I wish I had answers. She wants me to accept her the way she is, and I do. I just want to enjoy more of her. It’s nice to get a woman’s point of view. My wife would say you are in the minority of women about sex.