Dear Friends, <p>As you know I have not post about my situation in a very long time. Last time I post I was going to file for divorce. I spoke to an attorney but didn't file for divorce instead decided to try to work it out one more time. The worst mistake I did. I have found so many things about my h. H was still sleeping with ow while he was visiting oc behind my back before ow moved to Florida in August 2001. This I found out from ow, I spoke to H about this he said it was not true, but when I ask him to call her and let me hear their conversation on the phone he didn't want to. I do not understand why I have allow my h to treat me this way and disrespect me like this. <p>
After I found out about this I stay with h, to try to work it out, we have children together, and I also loved him despite all the pain he has caused me. I also thought ow was no threat since she moved to Florida. After this happen I didn't heard from ow since February, but I am quiet sure h still in touch with her. Since H knows that I snoop around he has gotten smart not to use our computer or his lap top from work, where I always found emails from ow. Yesterday when I went to h P.O.Box ,h doesn't know that I have a copy of the key to his P.O. Box, I open his mailbox, and there was a letter from ow, I open it and there was a picture of oc #2. Another boy that look just like my h. Ow is Italian and very light, H is Mexican with very dark looks. <p>She gave birth to this child in March 23 2002. The picture is dated from the photo studio,March 29, the picture is printed with the name of the baby date of birth and weight and height. She named the child like she had said she will name him. <p>Ow said all along that she got pregnant from h that night in June 2001. I did the math. <p>I am devastated by this. All this time what comfort me was that I thought she was lying. <p>Why did I tolerated so much disrespect and emotional abuse from him. I can't believe I have waste a 1 year and 1/2 of my life dealing with this mess,snooping around, checking his cell phone bill, his emails, p.o. Box. so much time consuming waste. I know now that it's really over between me and my H.
I haven't confront him yet, but I will do so as soon as he comes from work.
If I couldn't accept one oc, let alone two. I did try to keep my marriage together but for what. I have been through hell and back. <p>I am typing and crying at the same time. Forgive me is there is a lot of mispell words.<p>Please pray that my heart find peace. I will keep you post when I confront H this afternoon.<p>mina<p>[ May 10, 2002: Message edited by: mina29 ]</p>

mina,
your story is soooo stunningly sad. I don't know what to say besides I'm so sorry for your immense pain. I'm sorry you must grieve your marriage, the betrayals, the lost time. I hope your recovery process is rapid and that God has great things awaiting you and your children in the future. <p>Godbless,
J

Mina, I am so sorry for your plight. You have my utmost love and hope for your life to improve. I know how much you wanted your M to work, but this is way too much. Perhaps you should talk to tina who also has suffered the pain of 2 oc. It may help.<p>I also recommend, for your, to get counseling. You have much to work out for you, not necessarily to save M.<p>I highly recommend Steve Harely. He is a caring man, very compassionate over phone.<p>He will understand your plight.<p>If I were you, I would get an excellent lawyer and fight like hell against H.<p>He can't get away with this.
Good luck.

Dear Mina,<p>I remember how sad you were when you first came to the MB forum last year. You tried so hard to believe in H and to put your marriage on good footing.<p>It has been such a difficult year and you have been through so much. I am sooo sorry that your H has not told you the truth. I can only imagine how you felt when you opened that envelope... and I am praying for your strength to get through this awful time in your life.<p>I agree that counselling would be the best thing for you. You need an outlet to talk out the anxiety and anger that you feel. We are all here for you and we are definitely on your side. <p>Sending prayers your way,
love,
heavenly

Good Lord Mina! <p>I can hardly believe what I've read.<p>I will certainly pray very hard for you to find peace.<p>The pain you must have felt all over is so sad. What a shock, all over again.<p>I hope you do get counseling and soon. Do not shut yourself away from the help you must need at this time.<p>Your sadness is profound, but you will have a brighter day. It will all happen in time.<p>I am so sorry this had to happen.
Just how cruel can one human be to another?
Prayers and heartfelt love to you,
Debi

Dear Friends,<p>Thank you Jenny, unhappy wife, heavenly, and gemini, for your support. Yesterday when h came from work I confront him things got really ugly. When I show him the picture of the baby, he started screaming at me how I do not let things alone and how obsess I am with this situation.How tired he was of my snooping around. He ask me how did I get that picture I told him that Ow had mail this to me. He has the nerve to tell me you are lying because she knows not send you anything. H ask to see the envelope, since he didn't know that I had the key to his P.O. Box, I had to throw away the envelope. He didn't believe that I threw it away and he started throwing objects at me and calling me every name you can possible imagine. He almost hit me in the head with a punch hole, if my daughter had not scream to tell him to stop this. The saddest part of this that my children witness this all incident and they also have been through so much.<p>I never thought things were going to get so out hand like this. I ask him to leave the house he didn't want to he had the nerve to ask me to leave because he isn't going anywhere. We are sleeping in separate rooms. I know the reason he doesn't want to move out is because he can't aford to leave by himself, with child support payments, and all of his debts, he can't make it financially. If ow were still in NY he would have run to her. <p>This morning his acting like nothing happen, he's pretending that he didn't know that ow had given birth to their second oc. I told him that I will called ow, he then said to me that if I do that he will break everything in our apartment.
I am so devastated I couldn't sleep last night at all. <p>Please keep me in your prayers.
Mina<p>[ May 11, 2002: Message edited by: mina29 ]</p>

Dear Mina,<p>Please try to calm down for the sake of your own well-being and that of your children. Your H sounds like he is in a very dangerous state of mind and you must be careful.<p>How do you feel about your marriage at this point? I know this is another in a series of horrid betrayals but do you feel there is any hope at this point? <p>Since the OW moved away is it possible that this second OC is just an add-on from an affair that is long over? I know in my own H's case, the OW deliberately got pregnant when their relationship started to wind down and he told her that he was going to try to improve his marriage.<p>Is it possible that a similar thing happened to your H and he does really want to commit to your marriage even though he has made this horrible mistake?<p>And, what do you want? Do you still love him and want to work through this situation?<p>I think it is important that you sort things out in your own mind and lean on us here for support to help you.<p>You are in my prayers, as are your children. Thank God your H cares enough about them to have stopped from hurting you. Take good care of yourself and be careful.<p>love,
heavenly

Mina,
I am so sad to hear about this. I just found out 3 months ago that my H was having an A and just a couple of weeks ago when we were on our way to try to piece this together we get a phone call from the ow that she is pregnant. H has confirmed the pregnancy by making her take a test in front of him. We were both devastated, and still are neither one of us wants a divorce, but we don't have our own children yet and my H knows that it would be to difficult for me to deal with. I, like you, want to stay in the M, but I am afraid that I will have to spend the rest of my life "snooping". I am struggling with what to do. I am so saddened to hear that your H has this type of attitude about the whole situation. Doesn't he realize the hell he has caused? Doesn't this so called "woman" have any respect for herself, but especially for WOMEN??? I will never understand how women can do this type of thing to each other. I personally don't call them women. I believe in my heart that no "real woman" would do this to another. My prayers are with you and also I will pray that your H will get a revelation for himself. Until he opens his eyes and realizes the pain that HE and only HE has caused, things will never get any better. Good luck and lots of hugs, <p> Dawn

mina,<p>I wish you had called the police during his outburst; it would go in your favor. Please find out what you can LEGALLY do in this situation. You might try contacting your nearest battered women's shelter and ask them what your options are. This kind of abuse and bizarre blame-the-victim thing (from H) is SO not healthy for you or the kids. Who knows what he will do next?! He's irrational and his situation is desperate. <p>I have a friend whose husband, in a marital fight, threatened to kill her and take the kids. He never hit or threw at her, but due to the threat, she took her kids to a battered womens shelter and eventually got set up in housing and got a job. Today, several years later, she has remarried and she and her kids are happy.<p>This is bad, but you can get through this. Hang in there and be your own advocate!! <p>Prayers,
J

Gosh,
I'm so sorry your kids have to witness your H behaving so badly toward their mother. It's almost like he's protecting the OW??? Why didn't he just go to her in the first place? Why put you and the kids through all this? For what? Just like you said... Only he can answer that question.<p>For you, sounds like you do need to take steps to protect yourself and the kids from H's threats.<p>Imagine that? You confronted him about a second OC which he concealed now for almost a whole year, and yet YOU are made to feel like you are the one who LB'd????? HUH? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Amazing...

Mina<p>You've received some excellent advice from heavenly and Jenny and others and I concur completely. I hope you heed the advice and do whatever you must do to protect yourself and your children. <p>This is a terrible state of affairs and I am so, so sorry you are going through this, Mina. What an awful, awful blow. The most any of us can do is to be there for you here on this site and keep you in our prayers and in our thoughts. <p>Please keep us updated as to what your plans are and how you are...remember we are here.<p>Love<p>Catnip =^^=

Dear Mina,<p>I remember you and your story very well. (I used to be Mrs. Job.)<p>Along with everyone else here I am terribly sorry for this new pain.<p>However, first things first. You CANNOT remain in the same house with this man in his current state. Please call the police and get a restraining order. Do not confront your husband alone again. In fact, you should not be alone with him again for a long, long time.<p>If the police cannot help you and help you get him out of the apartment and get a restraining order, please mover yourself and your children to a domestic abuse shelter. Contact a church. Call social services, contact legal aid, but do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your children. If you have the chance, take photographs of the damage he did before you leave the apartment.<p>Myabe your marriage can be saved if that is what you want. None of us can predict the future and you are the only one who truly knows what you want, but I am certain that it cannot be fixed right at this moment in the emotional state that both of you are in. <p>Please keep us updated and let us know how you are doing and what has happened.<p>Wishing you God's peace,
MJ

Dear Mina,<p>I am so very sorry to hear of all of this and right now I now how lost you feel. Everything you have worked so hard for feels like it is in vain, but it is not. I know it seems so redundant to hear but this is all molding you and who you are (and your children for that matter). You can and will come out stronger. Your H sounds very dangerous right now. After mine left we had at least one physical episode where he threw me down at 5 months pg. My H still frightens me. He never did before. I have even had thoughts that he would kill me and my daughter given certain circimstances. He actually did threaten to kill me once. You are not alone and you can make it but first things first. You MUST make sure you and your children are safe. That is your duty as a mother. Do what you must to get rid of him. Call the police, go to the shelter etc etc. Mina I can not stress enough how desperate he is and he will probably become more so when he realizes he has lost. My H moved in with ow #2 and lived with her for a while. He left her 2 weeks ago and now whines that he has no where to go. He knows he can not come back here and he literally has no home. He crashes where he falls but it makes me nervous, especially since I think he thinks i am seeing someone else. He hasnt seem our daughter in forever and I have told him I do not want him there when our second one is born. He seems to accept this but I worry. You have to stop worrying about him and concentrate on you and the kids. You ll have time to mourn when you are safe. Please dont hesitate or think he wont become a serious danger. Please let us know as soon as you can that you are ok.
Love
bw

Mina,
I'm so sorry for the pain that you are in. You are not alone. Women are abused everyday by men that they love and who profess to love them back. Please remember that love should not hurt.<p>Please do not confront your H again, if not for your own safety, then for the well being and safety of your children. He is dangerous especially if he feels like he is being backed into a corner. Don't back him up with questions and accusations because he could seriously hurt you or worse from the sounds of his actions.<p>If you want to get out of the marriage or out of the apartment, with your kids, can you leave during the day when he is working? take what you need and get out of there. Get a restraining order and go to a women's shelter, where he will not be able to find you. Their addresses are not published. They have hotline numbers in the telephone book.<p>It doesn't sound like he is defending OW as much as he is trying to cover up what he is up to and keep you from finding out and questioning him. He is acting like a coward and you and your children deserve better than that. He has 2 children with her? That doesn't sound like a man trying to end things. The whole winding down thing never flew with me. It is mostly a story that WS tell to justify walking the fence indefintely between 2 intimate relationships, both of which provide something that they need. If CS is your husbands worry and his financial need to stay, it will not be motivation enough to remain faithful in my opinion or experience.<p>To thine own self be true, Mina.

Dear Friends,<p>Thank You for your support my dear friends.
I should have called the police. I didn't want my children to see their father get arrested. <p>I am afraid of my h. I never thought he will react that way. The only way I will be able to get h out of the apartment if I call the police. I feel very scare to do this. I do not know what have I done to deserve so much pain from this man. I know I have to protect my children and myself. But how do I stop caring I have been with this man for so many years. <p>Today I did a very big mistake I email ow from work. I do not know why I did such a stupid mistake. Now I am afraid what will happen when ow tell my h. <p>I will keep you post.<p>keep me in your prayers
mina

mina,<p>I'm no 'shrink', but you may have written OW to force your H's hand, to see what he does next. If he gets out of control again, you have another chance to act on it (ie call police). <p>However, I'd rather you take a day off work to see lawyer, police, minister, shelter-- whatever resources you have in your area. Forgive me if I come off bossy, but crimes of "passion" are committed every day of the world, and I'd hate to see you be the next victim. I don't want to read something in the paper that turns out to be you, you know?<p>It isn't wrong to love/have loved this man, but what he is doing to you now is NOT love! You must physically protect yourself and your children. What would you tell you if you were your best friend?? <p>Prayers,
J

Oh well, who knows what is going on inside your husband's head. He's probably so confused that HE doesn't even really know! So while the WS tries to FIGURE it all out, they live the lie indefinitely...<p>One thing I know for sure is that for your kids to see their father arrested for being violent with their mom--it will TEACH them that his behavior is unacceptable! No man should treat any woman this way--threatening and violent, breaking and throwing things, scaring the whole family.<p>By allowing your H to treat you this way, you are telling your kids that it's okay for a man to do this to a woman. It's okay for their dad to treat their mom this way. Maybe you should warn him that if it gets worse, you will call the police and that's just the way it is going to have to be.<p>I know it's a tough decision for you, but if you tell your kids why and explain to them that what their dad is doing (scaring mom) is NOT okay and if it happens again, you will turn him in for your protection and theirs!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] HUGS to you Mina... I'm so sorry your H behaved badly but it seems like you have it under control or else someone would have left by now.