Hi everyone. I am a 23 yr old male in the US NAVY stationed in Pearl Harbor. I got married a little over a month ago, and just a week after we got married, my wife had to leave to go move out of her apartment back home. But, since she as been back, her mood has constantly been changing. I don't know what it is. For example, the first few days back she was edgy, but lovey dovey at the same time. Yes she's been a little sick, with allergies and a head cold, but its starting to bug me when for the last week she has not really allowed me to touch her or kiss her. She got mad at me last week because I kept calling her while she went out with my friends while i was AT WORK. I kept calling because I felt left out and wanted to know where she was at and stuff. she wound up going to this spot in the mountains with my friends that looks down at waikiki. I got upset with that because its something I thoughtI should do with her, not something she should be doing with my friends. she was upset because I was supposedly driving her crazy. She was not like this when she was in Oklahoma. She was always happy to hear from me. Then just in the last couple of days, its become better and bad again. Like she'll talk to me and sound happy and be laughing and the next minute she'll be in one of her zombie "im mad at brendan moods" and tonight, she is at my friend's house getting drunk while Im at work. I know she has the right to go out and have a good time, but when she was leaving the house, about 10 min before I left, I said I love you like 3 times and I didn't hear her say anything. But the one thing that has really bothered me is that for the last 2 or 3 days, she hasn't been wearing her wedding ring. what do you think could be going through her head? could it be just a bad case of homesickness? I sent her a txt message asking her why she wasn't wearing her ring and she hasn't responded. What do I do?

Sorry your struggling so early in your marriage--

How old is your wife?

Is this her first time away from home?

How long did you date before you married?

How long have you been stationed in Hawaii?

And are you sure she wasn't like this in Oklahoma when you weren't around??

Have you asked her what she expect's in a marriage? or why she felt the need to get married
if she thinks it's okay to go out with other men?

I doubt it's homesickness---but more the reality there is life outside Oklahoma--

And I agree--those are things you should be doing together---so when do you get off work so that you can do those things with her??

Her not wearing her wedding band after one month of marriage is NOT a good thing--maybe you should consider getting into marriage counseling--yes, even this early in the game--based on her actions-

It sounds like she could be having an affair with one of your friends--even if it's emotional at the moment--but her drinking and so forth--could lead to a Physical affair--

Dear Help,

I will ask if you are a born again Christian?

If you are good, if not I hope you will someday make that decision when God sees fit for you to come to the cross. I know it must hurt seeing your wife do these things, and going out without you. I say this, if your wife respected you she would not be with other men without you, friends or no friends. It isnt proper, and not wearing her wedding band is just immature. I think you have a wife that may be influenced by your so called friends. Probally a compassionate reasignment, relocate, get you and her back in a closer atmosphere, dump those friends. If they were your friends they wouldn't be taking your wife out without you. Crazy! If you are a child of God, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, call your wifes name out and ask God to draw her near to him, and you.

Its like this. I am a SFC in the Army. I will share with you some wisdom of my 38 years.

I believe in GOD, and that Jesus Christ walked this earth some 33 years and that he was without sin, and that he died for you, and for me. So that we could have eternal life, and peace, and joy here on earth. With all that said, I say this.

You my fellow commrade in arms, have a choice to make. You are young, and have many years ahead hopefully. Based on my experience, and my Faith in God I see that you have a couple of choices. 1. Confront your Wife, dont be all mushy, and reclusive, be upfront peacefully. Tell her you cannot understand what is going on, tell her you love her, but only a fool would allow his wife to go out drinking with other men, while he is at work. Tell her this must stop, and that in order for your marriage to work you must have boundries. Line that cannot be crossed without consiquinces. Lay it all out, you will feel better, and she will see that she has choices to make. It would be much better than just being misreable. NOW, before you do all this, get on your knees and pray in private, ask GOD to give you the strength and the words, ask him to bring a spirit of peace upon the situation. Ask God to everytime your wife gets the urge to go out with these people, that a stumbling block will get in her path. Ask God to preserve your marriage, and to draw you both closer to him. Now you may see all this as nonsense, but God's word says that His ways are as high above our ways as the heavens are above the earth. You can take back what Satan has stolen from you, and you can have a victorious marriage, one that will stand the test of time. Remember the story in the bible about the house built on sand, the storms came and it washed away, its foundation was weak, it could not stand thestorms of life. But the other was built on a rock, lest I say anymore. Build your marriage on a rock, Jesus Christ, he is a firm foundation on which to build. You can ignore this and I pray you dont, I can tell you from experience I ignored God for 33 years, and I finally gave him my life. What a difference it has made. Well good luck


Please read Jeramiah CH 29 vs 11- 13

For I know the plans I have for you delares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. If you seek me with all your heart,you will find me, and I will give you the desires of your heart.


Good luck,

SFC Farr