My H had session with Steve yesterday, thought it went well. Says Steve thinks he and I can work things out. He liked that. Must mean Steve thinks he can have some visits with OC or he would be punting out of mc.<p>So what am I mad at? H and I agreed no visits till we agree on when, how many, if, etc. I communicated that to OW. H has blocked her emails to him. Takes no phone calls from her. So what does she do? I tell her this, she says she won't give up frequency of visits she negotiated with my H and since I won't agree for now, she will keep communicating with H to arrange visits. I see her continuing to try and contact him as divisive in our marriage. H says" well, that's how you see it, maybe she is just doing what she thinks is good for OC."<p>It makes me so mad-he defends her and her actions.Why can't he just say--yes, I see what you mean. I will support you, we will be in this together. I told him-why don't you go with her, since you support her so.<p>I have my appt. with Steve in a few minutes. Good thing.

unhappywife:<p>Don't be discouraged here---if your husband is willing to work with Steve, the two of you will learn the skills necessary to work together on these issues. Your husband has a BUNCH of skills that he's going to need to learn, and that's not going to come from just one session.<p>Good luck with yours. Tell Steve that "K" says hi...<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

UW,
Like I said before, so similar. I just typed a long reply and it is floating somewhere in cyberspace. I think I told you what my MC told me at my last C session. The OW in my case will contact H no matter how many times he tells her no personal contact, it is her personality as she interprets it. So she told me to stop focussing on that aspect of recovery, its gonna happen. So I tried an experiment, The past three weeks I did not ask H any questions about how often, or what things she talked to H about, and I have to admit it that it does take some stress out of our lives. I did finally break down and email H a note asking him to update me on any communication he has had. No emotion by emailing, and later in the evening we had a short talk, and that was that. I did tell him my worries that if I didn't contantly ask him, he would feel it was ok to resume personal contact.<p>I have forgotten how often does H and OW want visitation? I remember at one time it was every other week for a night is that right?<p>I hope your C session today with Steve brings some comfort to you. I go thursday, and its been 3 weeks. Probably will have lots to talk about with H going to court tomorrow. Would love to be a fly on the wall. <p>Tina

K and tina, thanks for your kind words. I am not feeling that great with my conversation with Steve, but believe he will help us. Wants to meet next with both of us on the phone. H seems to like him, believes we can get through this. As for me, I see how much I have lost in all this. I really have lost my love for H-and how can I expect him to love me if I feel so little for him? Steve says it can come back-I don't know if it can. H's continued lies, doing things behind my back, the multiple years affair, the OC, it really is so much for me to deal with, accept, think I can love the man responsible for this.<p>I am not giving up, but think we have much to work through, and I know H will not give up OC. So, many days, I think I will give up marriage. Many days I think being divorced and not with H would be preferable to the life he has devised for us.