here is my story.
I go to the babycenter site and onto the WI board. I have gotten together with the other mommies for play groups. Well, one of the ladies posted on the board about meeting her bio-dad a 5 years ago and does not know if she wants a realitionship with him, but would like a realitionship with her half-brother, Patrick. She said his mom's name is Laurie and her bio-dad and her got divorce and does not know how to find out about him.<p>Well, I wrote back saying that is weird because my cousin name is Patrick and his mom name is Laurie but my unlce is still married to her what is his last name and he ten years old too.<p>His last name is my maiden name. We are cousins. No one knows about her in my family. What do I? We have become friends and we are suppose to meet today at the Park?<p>Dawn

Dawn,<p>Have you considered finding out birthdates from this person to compare with the half-brother? That could help out a lot in knowing for sure. Is your maiden-name a common name, because Patrick and Laurie are some very common names.<p>Just what I would do before meeting her at the park.<p>Love,<p>Tigger

Hi,
No my last name is not common at all. Very strange last name and the spelling is very different. She told me that he had 9 brothers and sisters and that is right. She said my uncle called her on Friday. <p>Dawn

wow small world

Dawn,<p>WOW. I don't envy your finding out and having to decide what to do.<p>You cannot control what this lady choses to do, but you might ask her does your aunt know about her, and does she realize how painful for your aunt and maybe even for your cousins to find out about her...<p>I had an uncle who conceived twice by women outside his marriage. His (4)children did not find out until they were teens and were approached by one of the OC. To this day (20y later) one of my cousins REFUSES to believe that her father could have done such an awful thing to her mother; she just lives in denial, and most certainly wants nothing to do with OC.<p>My own father (bio-uncle) invited OC to our house to see pictures of the family, but I'm just saying not everyone will necessarily welcome OC so openly, si? Grown OCs should be prepared for that possibility.

Hi,
I just wanted to clarify something she is not an OC. My uncle was young and in high school and I blieve her mom was 16 also.<p>Before her mom found out that she was pregnant they spilt up and they did not want to get back together. They went there seperate ways and when her mom was a couple months pregnant she met the man that adopted her.<p>Her mom decided to keep the baby and she was dating another man and later married. And the man wanted to adopt her and asked my uncle to give up all his rights so he could adopt her.<p>My uncle agreed to it. My grandma knew and even saw the baby once a week. I guess they thought it was the best thing for him to do was to let the other man adopt her. So, the baby can have a normal life.<p>She has no hard feeling about it. She said that my uncle was young and stupid. She would like to get to know the family. <p>I believe that my Dad knows and my other uncle.<p>Now, this is where it gets weird again. The man that actually adopted her is actually my 4th or 3rd cousin.<p>My grandma and her dad ( the one that adopted her) are cousins. Her mom said that they did not know they were relate until later.<p>Once a year there is this big reuion at a hall and my grandma would see her there and tell my uncle about seeing her. There are over 100 people maybe close to 200 people that go to this reuion. There is even an article about it in the local the paper. I only went once. I have a big family. My grandma is the youngest of 15 children.<p>She wants to call my grandma and I said I do not see any problem with that. She is just afraid what she might say to her. I said that she is not going to say anything mean.<p>I told that I will talk to my grandma. I just know if this is the right time. My grandpa passed away March 31.<p>Do you think that is o.k. for me to talk to my grandma? And do think that I can talk to her soon? i know that she is going through a dificult time. This is the first time she has been alone since she was born! She had my Dad at 16 and went on to have 9 more children. She married I believe when she was 16.<p>
Dawn<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

Dawn,<p>Well, I think that if she's had prior contact with your Grandma, it should be fine to contact her. Even with the stuff your Grandma is going through. Maybe it will help your Grandma through this hard time, like the "prodigal grandchild" coming home, so to speak. As for the rest of the family finding out about her, well, that's really up to your uncle and Grandma. <p>I think it's kinda neat that you met her on line, and here she's your cousin! What an opprotunity for a close friendship here!<p>I wish that I had better advice to offer.<p>Love,<p>Tigger

Hello,
I finally talked to my grandma. And she told me that there is still some question that my uncle is the bio-father. My grandma told me that her grandpa and her were cousins and lived by them. And he told her that his son was the father not my uncle. And that her mom and and her grandmother were nothing but problems. They used to be friends. She said she has enough to deal with right now with my grandpa passing away and my aunt being sick. She does not want to deal with this right now.<p>My grandma said this is a long complicated story. My grandma said also that her grandma was with my grandpa at one point. I do not know if if was an A or not because I am not sure if this happened before or after my grandma married my grandpa. Oh yeah, my grandpa is not my bio-grandpa, he died when I was a baby. I never knew him just what my grandma as told me. <p>Dawn<p>[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

Given what your grandmother told you, I would leave this alone, tell the woman not to contact that young boy. it doesn't sound like it would help any one in the family, and it may cause more chaos in family. JMHO

Hello,
I told her that they are going through some hard times right now and not to try to contact them. My uncle is messed up right and maybe that is why he called her. He has been drinking a lot. <p>One more thing, I was told that it took 21 years for the state to find my uncle. Since the mother was getting health insurance through the state when she was born my uncle was responsible for her medical bills. Even if he was 17. He did not know this and in 1996 in finally got the hospital bill. It was $2000 and that was in 1975.<p>
Dawn