Hello all,
I have more questions. Apparently paranoia is setting in... <p>Those of you that have gone on to have your own children AFTER the A,
What kind of reactions did the exOW have?
And those of you that may have contact with OC, did the exOW use your pregnancy to breed hate and discontent between you and OC?<p>H and I have been ttc for years. Only lately have we found that I have PCOS and we will be ttc again soon(with help from meds). Actually about the time of Lil Bit&#8217;s first bday.<p>I am concerned what exOW will say to Lil Bit. I want to involve Lil Bit as much as I can with a new baby. AND I want her to know how much I love her. I don&#8217;t want exOW to tell her that I don&#8217;t love her anymore because we are going to have a baby, other than her.<p>I have seen divorced parents that have remarried and had gone on to have other children, where one of them has used the &#8220;new&#8221; children as leverage to get the &#8220;original&#8221; children angry about the &#8220;new&#8221; family. I don&#8217;t want to see that happen to my sweet Lil Bit. <p>I guess maybe I am just a little worried because of our situation. I felt this way when I got pregnant in &#8217;99. I didn&#8217;t want my stepson to think I didn&#8217;t care about him anymore. Honestly, it was about that time when he stopped coming to see us as often as he used to. H&#8217;s exW was a little jealous. She has 2 sons. Both from different marriages, and she cannot have more children. She never said anything directly to me&#8230; but I did hear about it.<p>Reassurance is the only defense I know that I have. I know that reinforcing my love for Lil Bit may make it harder for exOW to attempt to break down the bond that I have with Lil Bit. <p>I guess I am fishing for support.
Thanks for listening to me rant and rave&#8230;.

I always worry about responding on this site, afraid since I come from a different side of things people will be offended, But since you need support, and every one has run off for the day, I thought I might as well. <p> I can see you have great love for little bit, I think having a baby your selves is also great and no reson little bit cant be incorporated into your lives witht he new baby, after all this will be her baby sister, she will no doubt love her, Just give her bit more of you time when she is with you, so she knows she has not been replaced.
You will be suprised how much she will love having a sibling, it seems she enjoys the environment there more any way.. just keep doing as your doing, and it will be just fine. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

mof,
Thank you so much for your reply. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I wanted to add this,<p>Last night a couple of our friends came over to visit. They brought their 2 little girls. The girls are 2 and 3.
The 3 yr old and I were playing around in the floor. Lil Bit crawled up to us, got between us and sorta pushed the little girl.
I was so shocked! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] of course, Lil Bit being only 10 months old she was not able to do any real pushing, but is sure looked like it was a push. My friend began to laugh! She said, "Look! She is already saying 'That's MY mommy!" <p>I was surprised to see this little show of possessiveness from Lil Bit. We have been around other children before, but this is the first incident like this. <p>It makes me wonder what happens at exOW's apartment. I wonder if Lil Bit is getting any attention at all. She seems to crave it whenever we have her. And I admit I am very happy to oblige her all that I can give.<p>Thanks again!<p>[ May 25, 2002: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</p>

well you cant assume anything since you are not at OW 's apt.
I think lil bit is showing just want any child feels when someone is getting in on there turf.. THE GREEN EYED MONSTER haha <p>My Daughter now sometimes cries for the OM, but she is gets ample play time and loads of attention, but she has learned he loves her and meets her needs as well, and enjoys seeing him as well as his wife. It means we are all doing great and I dont worry like a overanxious mommy when they have her, because believe me at first I did.
My sis babysits the babies at church once a week, now when they are at church and she has my little one the other babies are very jealous of her, because they want my sister and this new baby is intruding on this time.
It means she loves you and feels safe with you. Fell good about this, while you are not her mother, you are an important part of her life and she knows this. You should be commended for doing so well. I know your anger for this woman and you have some major concerns, but make sure they are definate concerns, you cant assume she doesnt get attention because she loves you. But you can assume you are right on target with loving and caring about her. Great work. Shows a lot of love for your husband and lil bit.<p> If and when the time comes and you can prove what you need to prove to get custody of little bit, the fact that she loves and knows you will take care of her is a big plus.
please dont take offense I just want to make sure you see the whole picture.

another thing.. didnt you say other woman had more children at home?
well as a mother of five I can tell you sometimes, life gets hectic and I may not give all five as much attention as they need, I would bet lil bit loves the quiet one on one attention. I know it is very different for my daughter.. while every one here loves on her carries her around plays till they laugh so hard they are crying. But I would bet she likes going to daddys house, Because it is only the two of them, they are older, quieter, it is different and they just sit around marveling at her wonderous beauty LOL They have a dog, we have a cat.
They dont have kids running in every three seconds saying help me with this.. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you the play is tonight. and a million other things. They wait on her hand and foot and marvel at everything she does.. and she is a ham, she loves to take pictures.
But when she comes home, she loves to be home and is so happy to see every one. But once she cried cause om left and it broke my heart.. but it was good, means she loves him.

Stacia,<p>Our exOW is handling our adoption of our two boys quite well. Mr. J told her that we were beginning the process of adopting the same boys for the second time, but didn't keep her much up-to-date of the process. He kinda dropped it on her rather quickly that we were about to leave for Russia to bring the boys back. She had a grief/shock reaction. I am sure that for her it was the final bursting of the bubble, the fantasy that somehow, somewhere Mr. J was going to come back to her and Precious and make a nuclear family.<p>I think, however, that our exOW is very different than yours. Yes, she hoped for a lifetime with my husband, but once it became apparent that he wasn't leaving me, she really has been very cooperative about visitation. She keeps a picture of me and Mr. J in Precious' room. She says goodnight to both of us each night. exOW never mentions "Daddy" without mentioning me in the same breath. I think that the 2,000 mile distance helps all of us tremendously. I wouldn't feel very safe with her right down the street and if I had to bump into her at the grocery store or if, worse yet, she decided to attend my church. We have an "our life;" we have no fear of unwanted intrusions and reminders of what has happened. Fourt times a year, we get on a plane and go visit Precious.<p>I do, however, dream of the day when she is 14 and petulant (oh wait sounds like I am describing exOW, not Precious). I do mean Precious about 12 years from now when she yells at her mother and says "I am sick of you Mom. Why can't you be more like MaryJanes. I am going to live with Dad and MaryJanes." Girls seem to do a lot of that--going to live with a relative or family friend. So, I told Mr. J "that little girl gets anything she wants when she comes to visit us. No rules, no timeouts, only the best of everything for her". Just kidding of course.<p>I wish you all the best in your attempts to conceive. It is clear to me how much you love children and want to be a mom, not just someone's stepmom. Don't forget adoption if not successful at the normal route.<p>MJ

Mof&#8230;<p>The whole picture is not difficult for me to see.
I see a woman that had no business involving herself with my husband.
I see my husband making the biggest mistake of his life.
I see a little girl who the woman that brought her into this world has said that she wants NO part of.
I see myself, wanting to stay with my husband, support his right to see his child and be involved with a wonderful little angel.<p>
No, I never said that exOW&#8217;s other children live with her. She gave up one for adoption, the father stepped in and took him, and she had the other taken away from her for failure to protect him from the beatings of an exboyfriend. <p>I don&#8217;t feel this woman cares one wit for Lil Bit. She only cares about causing pain to H and myself. <p>She has proven her true colors time and time again&#8230;. <p>Yes, mom of five... the WHOLE picture is CRYSTAL CLEAR... No Rose colored glasses for me...<p>No offense meant... None taken.<p>MJ,<p>Thank you for the encouragement. Adoption is an issue we have discussed time and time again. We are afraid our financial status would make that very difficult... but... time will tell.

there are so many on here, I forgot about the xow's history.. sorry, But I think you are doing awonderful job.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stacia_Lee:
<strong>H and I have been ttc for years. Only lately have we found that I have PCOS and we will be ttc </strong><hr></blockquote>
Stacia,
Off track with your question...I just wanted to wish you luck in your efforts to concieve. I have PCOS myself and used fertility drugs. I was blessed with two beautiful daughters because of modern medicine.Best wishes hon

Stacia,<p>Well, unfortunately, I don't have a crystal ball to tell you what xOW is doing with Lil Bit as far as attention, or how she would react if you were able to conceive! I wish that I could, but the best thing I can tell you is you need to live your lives for your M, and not how xOW will react to expanding your family! Just continue to show Lil Bit your love and support for her, as you've done from the time she was a month old! That is what she will remember when push comes to shove! Don't ever put down xOW in Lil Bit's presence and she will remember that it was xOW always doing the bad mouthing, and you were always the kind one! I truly feel that God has placed you and your H in this possition of having the majority of custody for a reason! Just continue to put your trust in Him!<p>As for the little push from Lil Bit, she is "marking her territory" so to speak! Abbi's even done that with her older brother and sister when they try to hug me while she's in my arms! Just make sure she doesn't go over board, trying to hurt others when they hoane in on her territory, and enjoy this way that she is showing her love for you!<p>I too pray for sucess in your quest to conceive! I also look forward to hearing the good news! Good luck!<p>Love,<p>Tigger

mo5, MJ, docsgirl, tigger,<p>Thank you for your responses and well wishes.<p>Its great to know that I have so many to lean on when I need to.<p>To Everyone:<p>I got an email from a friend of mine the other day, telling me that even though I don’t know it, there are many people out there praying for our situation. I met this lovely lady online. She has passed my story on to her prayer group, some of her co-workers and family.
She told me that even though these people don’t know me, they ask her frequently about the “latest” news. <p>I can’t tell you how much you all mean to me. <p>Yes, ALL OF YOU! <p>Even though there are so many of us going through this, we all try to be there for each other. <p>We may not all agree… We must try to accept each other as we are, and support each other. <p>Thanks again everyone!

Stacia,
I have been thinking of you lately. Wondering how everything is going?<p>That is great about the lady you meant on-line.<p>Dawn