My husband and I have been married for almost 8 yrs. He told me when we got married that he may have a son or daughter out there that may come look for him later on in life. Back in highschool he had gotten his g/f at the time pregnant. She was forced to give the child up for adoption. We recently moved to another state and over the 4th of July holiday we went back home. We had gotten a call the minute we landed that my hubby's brother found the baby that was given up for adoption 18 yrs ago. So we went back to my mother in law's house to see his daughter. So they have been pals ever since they found each other. Now, the mother of this daughter just found out about her and is getting to know her as we speak. What I have a problem with is that the mother (ex girlfriend) has been calling my husband to chat with him about her...which is fine but its been an everyday thing. Not just once a day but 3-4 times a day they talk. The ex g/f of the child told her hubby and hes had a problem with the whole situation. THey ex g/f have also had problems in their marriage before all of this (they have had a destructive marriage). So the ex g/f has called my husband ranting and raving about her husband...calling late at night crying..so on and so forth. So Monday night I couldnt sleep. Tues morning I got up and ck my husbands voicemail and she had left a message stating that she is so glad he called her and that he brightened her day and so on and ended with "love ya much". Well I got mad. I didnt think she should be leaving that type of message on his voicemail. So then I called him and confronted him about it and he told her to stop leaving messages like that on his phone. So then I called her and told her how I felt very unconfortable with her leaving that type of message on his phone. She apologized. Well my husband went out of town yesterday. He called me to ck on the kids early in the evening and said he would call me back when he was done eating. Well it was late...I called him and he told me he was asleep. So I let him go. I stayed on the phone and listened for a min and then he told the ex g/f who he was talking on the cell phone that I called and he made an excuse to not talk to me. SO I called right back and confronted him and he lied to me. Telling me he wasnt talking to anyone. I told him I heard every word and asked him why did he have to lie? He told me that since I wasnt dealing with the situation so well that he was gonna end up having this argument anyways even if he did tell me he was talking to his ex g/f. THe question is what do I do? I am livid that he lied, I havent eaten in 2 days and I am constantly nervous. I have my guard up with my husband now. We agreed to go to counseling in a few weeks (already made appts). But what do I do in the meantime? Am I being too aggressive with the situation?

Unfortunately, she is a part of his life and will probably continue to be one. Having a baby is a practicaly permanent connection between two people. However, his lying to you needs to be addressed. You need to tell him that you understand he wants to help this woman, but you feel it will damage your relationship in the future if it continues in this way. Reach a compromise about the way he will communicate with her. You need to come first. Offer to talk with him about this woman and her problems. He may not feel like keeping it a secret if you seem willing to share without the fear of confrontation.