I am not a topic starter but I am really stumped on this one. I would like to know what the majority of you would do if placed in this situation: If you received an anonymous email from someone stating that they have information about your spouse or significant other's infidelity but asked that you not tell your spouse or significant other that you received the email, would you reply back wanting to know more? Would you immediately tell your spouse about the email or fwd it to them? or would you reply without telling your spouse to see what this person has to say? Or would you tell your spouse /SO but reply in the email that you agree not to tell? Thanks in advance for your replies.

1 lost soul,
I would tell spouse.
Together you may want to e-mail back for answers.
Let person know you both know.
If they won't tell try to find out who sent it.<p>I receieved 2 letters days apart in July 2000 telling me about affair but at the time H said it was someone wanting to start trouble and I believed him...BTW, it was ow writing, just about when it ended, and she found out she was pregnant.<p>H didn't know she was preg. yet and denied it all.<p>So I'd say something and proceed w/caution.
love
Debi

Gem,
So the info was from an OW??? And it turned out to be correct??? i don't want H to be able to deny anything. the email said that H has prepaid calling cards in wallet and told me to install a spyware on home computer. The card sent up a red flag because I had found a receipt a while back with a calling card on it but at the time H said he wanted to purchase an item that did not have a price on it and the card was the same price as the item and was in the check out line so the cashier just used the card instead of doing a price check b/c there was a line. At the time it seemed like the truth but now I'm not so sure.

For the record, I would email the writer, get the info, claim I won't tell H, then decide if I confront him, tell about email after I get the info. Or, may use info to decide how to confirm/dispute the info about in email before talking with H about it.<p>Has your H been involve in an A before? I forgot your story.

For the record, I would email the writer, get the info, claim I won't tell H, then decide if I confront him, tell about email after I get the info. Or, may use info to decide how to confirm/dispute the info about in email before talking with H about it.<p>Has your H been involve in an A before? I forgot your story.

I believe I would inform spouse/SO and answer back claiming to keep it between you two. Then deal with it together.This person is obviously some one close if they know the contents of his wallet. Sounds fishy to me

I would e-mail back wanting info, and ignore the "lets keep this between us" and hope the the sender does not catch on that you didn't respond to that portion of the e-mail. This way you are not commenting on whether or not you will share this with H. <p>If they do catch that part, then I would do what I need to do to get the info, and evaluate from there.

I would get all the information I could, determine later if I was going to tell spouse (although I am sure I would), and I would agree to keeping it secret, not meaning it, because I owe nothing to this person who has decided to cause me angst.<p>These are extraordinary circumstances and I firmly believe that as a Betrayed Spouse, the WS and OP OWE the BS big time and whatever means the BS uses to garner the necessary information is absolutely fair...the BS is entitled to do whatever they damn well please.<p>Catnip =^^=

Catnip,
I am thinking along the lines of you. i decided not to tell H right away. i did look in H's wallet while he was showering. there is a 100 minute calling card in his wallet. is there a way to find out what numbers were called using the card? i want to gather as much as I can before I present it to H. someone asked if H has had an A before. yes, he has. He has an OC as well but exOW and OC live in the same city as us so i don't see why he would be using a calling card to contact her.

My radar is up on this one too.
I would find out anything you can -- and agree to whatever they want to get the information.
It'll be up to you later what you do with it.<p>I recommend Iopus or Spectorsoft spyware. They are awesome. <p>If this came to you via e-mail, it seems very likely that there will be something on the computer. I'd find out whatever I could on my own in addition to finding out what this person wants to tell you.

Hi Lost, Ow didn't say she was preg...but said she and H were having A. She wrote it as if someone else was "telling". She was hoping for a d-day and divorce from me upon discovery.<p>Watch out for calling cards. I don't know of a way to see what number was called.<p>Sure seems secretive.
I don't remember your story.
Betrayed spouse? Sorry I can't remember.<p>If you're in recovery I'd share e-mail with spouse.
love
Debi

Lost-- I found out about my H A and OC 2 months ago through a anon letter that came in the mail. He was there when I opened it and the look on his face I will never forget. If I received an email I would find out as much info as I could, then would confront him face to face. That way you will know by the look on his face. I don't know your story, but if he is having an A and there is no OC yet!!! Maybe you can be luckier then me and stop it before it goes that far.

my story:
i am a betrayed spouse. H is a cop. he had an affair that resulted in an OC. Oc is female and is 3 yrs old now. I did not know about A or OC until she was 18 months old. H said he was not happy and moved into his own apt. then he told me of OC. we were separated for a yr and then divorced in Feb of last yr. we began talking again and started dating again and H moved back home in August. h has contact with OC and our two children (S and D) know about OC and love her as a sister. h will go pick up OC and bring her to our home to play with our children when I am not at home or he will take our children to go see OC. ExOW and OC live in our town so there is no need for a calling card for him to contact her. technically we are still divorced but we live together again as a family so in my mind we are a family. I cannot think of a reasonable explanation for the calling card.

It could very well be that the OW is sending you this, to get your H in trouble. Some will do this to get the MM in trouble with W, hoping he will have to end the M.<p>Just a theory...

Hi 1 Lost Soul ....<p>Well, I read all the threads and my take is you may want to install the spy software. And as far as the calling card, some calling card companies offer calling card on-line status (minutes avail to date and sometimes usage). If not, you can always call the 1-800 number on the card and try to figure out your H's PIN.<p>If you then call the 1-800 regularly, you will be given the current minutes remaining on the card to date and can compare it from day to day. <p>Does your H have a cell phone? If so, there would be no valid reason for him owning a calling card, IMHO.<p>First your H told you he didn't purchase a calling card, that it only showed on the receipt as proxy for an item comparable in price. Next, you find a calling card in his wallet. I'm sorry hon, but this doesn't look good. <p>I feel it's sometimes essential to snoop to a degree to find out the truth. And there are just things here that aren't adding up.<p>Be careful and take good care.<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

my H has in fact TWO cell phones. One personal one and one issued by the police dept since he is now a detective. I guess I will have to install the spyware. how do you find it? part of me DOESN'T want to know if H is at it again. i will feel like such a fool. my family all thought I was crazy for getting back with H in the first place. My sister even told me that H probably only wanted to come back home to save money. H had been wanting a new car (actually a toyota 4 runner) but when we separated our separation agreement was that H would continue to pay the mortgage on this house until the children had both reached the age of 18. That was what was agreed upon as child support. With H having to pay rent and bills for his apt. and the mortgage on this house, and provide for OC it made it hard for him to even think about getting the new car. Last month, H bought a new 2002 fully loaded Maxima instead of the 4 runner. maybe that was his plan all along.

Hi,
If you go with a spy software, Spectrpro can be downloaded within minutes of purchase. I dont' know about the others. Probably so. Spectrpro was on the Rikki Lake show May 6 I think.

No need to feel like a fool. You love him and want to believe in him. At one time I felt the fool too, and I know I am not. I wanted to believe that he would not do it again. <p>Take care

1LS, As a former WS I can't help but see something wrong here. How good are you at reading your H? Being able to tell when he's lying? If you think you can tell then ask him about the calling card. Don't tell him how you really found out about it that way he won't get overly suspicious and start to really cover his tracks. If you can find an excuse for having been in his wallet, then use it. At this time you will also be able to ask him why he lied about the calling card receipt. Really be intune to him as you are discussing this. Watch for everything that indactes he may be lying. If you are not %100 satisfied with his answers and reactions then you have your work cut out for you. Do all the detective work that you can and don't stop until YOU are satisfied one way or another. I hope this has all been just a big misunderstanding or strange series of coincedences but you need to find out one way or the other. Good luck and I will hope for the best for you. God Bless.

Hmmm... You think one of your H's disapproving coworkers sent that e-mail to you??? That would be my first guess... Just imagining that maybe your H got careless with his mouth and someone decided to inform you...(?) I could be wrong, but this is what *I* would do. I would print out the e-mail, grab the calling card out of your H's wallet. Then go show your H the e-mail and the calling card and tell him that you didn't want to believe the e-mail, but you thought you would check just to see if there was any merit to the e-mail and look what you found in his wallet? Then just tell him NOW you're REALLY confused? and stare at him with a puzzled look on your face...<p>Listen to him but don't respond, and in the meantime, don't give up on your investigation. OH, and I wouldn't respond to the e-mail either. In fact, I would get a new account and close that one. I would feel extremely uncomfortable receiving such personal, intrusive, and anonymous e-mails...