I wanted to say I am going to leave this place, IT Is definately not for me. I am pretty happy with who I am and How far I have come in my life and I dont want to change anything.
Husband and I have come so far, but I think we will continue with out this, I cant get my husband to post, he feels this is a egative place and doesnt see how listening to alot of the mess that does go on here is helpful and he doesnt want to weed through the bad to get to the good.
I think he and I will have to agree with this.

I have learned alot and will take with me what I have learned. But I am in a pretty healthy spot with everything and would like to keep it that way. This place could actually break my marriage if H were to listen to such negativity for to long. He made a good point. <p> WIB,
Good luck with your visits I do hope they turn out well and commend you for doing such a great job to make your childs life a good one. ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINC WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR CHILD <p> Cmiranda,
You will be fine, I think you have a good firm grasp on what to do and will work it out in due time. I hope you find the support you need Here.

Mary janes
Good luck with those boys and take time out for you.. Counting to a hundred helps when you get to the end of your rope. lol I will continue to pray for your sister. <p>pops and fh
I am sorry for your pain, I wish you both well. <p>catnip as always
you have been intersting, I like all that spunk. Good luck on that child support issue, it needs work. Think about writing you congressman. You have a lovely home thank you for inviting me for tea. <p>For those of you who have offered sincere advice thank you, <p>If any one would like support or someone to whine to dealing with the oc issue from a different point of view.
here is my email address. jemrus@hotmail.com<p> Good luck to you all

MoF, I certainly hope you change your mind but I can definately understand if you don't. I'm sorry that the CM thread has been removed from the board so that anyone who was not posting over the weekend could have seen how BADLY you were treated, prompting you to make this decision. I will email you soon. take care<p>[ June 02, 2002: Message edited by: want it back ]</p>

Momof5,<p>I am sorry to see you leave. Apparently I missed some fireworks here. I do hope that you will reconsider after a period, but if you don't I would like to say you have been a very big help around here.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

Are you sure you want to go?<p>Everyone sees the OC from a different angle and all perspectives are needed to keep everyone sensitive and compassionate and objective, I believe.<p>If your reason for coming here to MB to post, is to help someone in need, then you shouldn't go, you should hang in there.<p>Your marriage is recovered and that is the thing that helps others see out there--that there IS hope no matter how hopeless the situation seems. I think it is important for us desperate people in desperate situations to know that there is hope no matter how bleak our circumstances. God is bigger!<p>I'm sorry for what happened here but it has happened to all of us at one time or another. Maybe that's why we stay? We develop a thick skin plus we stand by our convictions, plus we are HOOKED on MB!! And since you are fully recovered--no more affair, marriage intact, not looking for another affair, OC alive and well, OP not threatening to your H, etc. don't you think you really DO have a purpose here? I would think so...<p>Probably the only thing you and I lack (& please correct me if I'm wrong), is actually having stood in the shoes of a betrayed spouse whose WS's affair produced an OC. So, there are obviously some issues we cannot address, e.g., the PAIN of standing in those shoes... However, we have a lot to offer to those contemplating an affair who are either single or married... We can talk to someone like that, for sure. We know the permanent damage affairs cause. I did it when I was single, therefore, I believe I can protect myself & my marriage (& OTHER PEOPLE'S MARRIAGES!) better now that I'm married. Your H forgave you and is raising the OC together with you so I bet you are doing everything you can to preserve your second chance with him... That counts! That's MBing in my book...<p>As long as we remain sensitive, I don't see any problem in sticking around on this forum which was created especially for betrayed spouses whose WS's affair(s) resulted in OC's to have a safe place to vent about their pain and frustration...<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</p>

BTDT,
Can't resist this one last post script. This was a PERSONAL attack on MOF, not a difference of opinions or beliefs. That is unacceptable. I hope MOF does stay just to spite some people. As for me, I am going to "unregister" from this site right now if that is possible because it just makes me sick.<p>
BTW, where is this written?<p>] <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> As long as we remain sensitive, I don't see any problem in sticking around on this forum which was created especially for betrayed spouses whose WS's affair(s) resulted in OC's to have a safe place to vent about their pain and frustration <hr></blockquote>
[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: want it back<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: want it back ]</p>

Dear Mom of Five<p>Apparantly I missed the drama that is eluded to here over the weekend. But, whatever took place is probably just "your turn" of getting in the crosshairs of wild emotions.<p>Marriage Builders is not a negative place filled with negative people. It is a forum where people raw in their pain come for solace, understanding and healing...and none of us have the recipe or corner the market on mental health after absorbing the trauma of infidelity and certainly not after discovering that there is an OC resulting from the affair. Whatever and whoever had you udner attack is someone who can't get past their pain and needs time to recover.<p>I am sorry if you got caught up in something unpleasant, especially when you have been so good for the board...a voice of reason and compassion and patience. But, if anyone expects to come to a place filled with a myriad of personalities that have been living with the worst possible nightmare and expect that there will be no "negativity", are expecting too much. It's gonna happen sometimes, as it should. As it has to. Part of the process. It just doesn't feel good when someone jumps on one of us and very often unfairly and uncalled for.<p>I don't call it negativity...I don't call it bitterness. Just pain. Just plain old pain. And the best way to heal from plain old pain is to post all those wild emotions here.<p>Mom of Five, just take a break for a short while and then come back instead. Your presence is too important here to just disappear forever...you are certainly a comfort here to others and can be a great help to suffering newbies. If you take your ball and go home when some of the kids play rough, then it is all left without resolution.<p>Me, I just be a bytch back...I don't worry about it because I figure I'll be forgiven as I forgive, I get my point across as others have gotten theirs across to me, and there has been a healthy, if not "lively" debate that has allowed me to vent and mouth off. <p>I guess the bottom line is that I think we truly like/love one another and wish only the best for each other regardless of which side of the fence (once we get to know them) and even though we might occasionally disagree or even spat, there is no ill will.<p>BTDT's argument is excellent for staying...please reconsider.<p>Catnip =^^=

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by want it back:
[QB]<p>BTW, where is this written?<p>QB]<hr></blockquote><p>Well, there isn't exactly a "Bible" or anything, however, I wrote to Steve Harley almost two years ago (I think) and asked him if Betrayed's with OC situations could have their own site on the forum because so many were coming to GQ and getting lost in the cracks. Request was granted and the rest is history.<p>And, I certainly hope YOU reconsider as well...you presence here has been invaluable.<p>Catnip =^^=

Momof5,<p>I guess a few days off from this site and I missed something big at what WIB refers to as CM's thread. I'm assuming that means the Fluke thread that went off course when someone insulted me.
I have no idea what went on after I decided I needed time away from MB over the last few days. I imagine it was pretty bad for you to have made the decision to leave. Mom, I have felt the same way on and off again. There have been a few posters who have made me think twice about that decision. You, of course, AnnlovesCharlie, and WIB, to name a few, even Catnip whom has a completely different perspective than me. Mom, you have alot to offer here but I respect and understand your decision. As you know, I too have been insulted and personally attacked by certain BS's here. It is difficult for me personally not to lash back in the hatered that they feel. I too have feelings that are not so nice at times and it is easy to become like them. When that happens, like on friday when Gemini1 turned Flukes thread around and pointed her insulting remarks about OC and having a sexual affair with "her husband" I realized something that people have pointed out over and over to me, that some here react as if we are their OW or WS.
That is something I don't need. None of us do.
I agree with you Mom, coming here and witnessing the bitterness and anger and personal attacks isn't good for anyone.
If I had been around over the weekend, there is no doubt, regardless of what was said by the bitter, that I'd have supported you fully. You are a great woman and a wise woman who tells it like it is and always stands up for what you believe is right. Never mind the bitter ones, I know who many of them are and they will be here forever. They will be pained and broken and bitter forever as I see it. Just the remarks I received on friday by one or two tell me that they don't want to heal, they want to wallow. Let them, and move on Mom. They aren't worth it.<p>I support you fully and I will email you. I'd really like to keep in contact with you. If you come back here someday to continue to help people like me, you will be doing even just 1 lost soul like I WAS, a great service. Be good to yourself and always remember, to thine own self be true.

MoF,
You will be missed. You have been a big help and if we ever have contact I hope it goes as well as yours.<p>Dawn

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by CMiranda:
[QB]As you know, I too have been insulted and personally attacked by certain BS's here. It is difficult for me personally not to lash back in the hatered that they feel. I too have feelings that are not so nice at times and it is easy to become like them.
QB]<hr></blockquote><p>Cmiranda<p>Become like 'them'??? Are you trying to insult 'us'? Piss 'us' off?<p>I almost hate to respond to this because I don't want to start anything, but I feel it is imperitive I remind you of how you were when you first came here. So much of this started with the insulting remarks that came from your early posts.<p>The ONLY reason why I am mentioning this is that I don't want you to rewrite history and make it out as if we were a bunch of snarling banshees when in reality, we were reacting to things you were saying.<p>And I don't want to be harsh and judgmental of you now because you have come so far...I respect the efforts you are making in your life and here on this forum...I do not mean to be patronizing at all. I really mean this, so try not to get all fired up. It's just that we were coasting along pretty well after the Bonnie B assaults when you showed up taking things we said personally and responding in kind.<p>In order to say you have been attacked and insulted, as I have been... as well as everyone else here at one time or another, we must also own up to what we have done in moments of natural, human angst, showing our soft underbellies/vulnerabilites, showing our pain that comes out like "bitterness" sometimes, and admit that we have at times, been petty ourselves. Hey, I can be mean and petty, small and hateful with the best of them. I can be as judgmental and self righteous as you are and have to fight like hell constantly to curb those instincts which is hard when in the beginning, every BS here wonders if the NEW OP is their own OP in their situation, crashing this site. And unfortuantely, we have had occasions where some of our members OP's were interlopers looking for trouble. We have good cause for how we feel.<p>We are very skeptical at first, until we are sure the OP here is for real and here for the right reasons. And because this 'public' forum was originally and intentionally designed to help BS's spouses cope with OC situations, in the pecking order of hierarchy, the BS does prevail here, like it or not.<p>In the above quote, it sounds like you are saying that you are this poor, put-upon, well-intentioned, sweet thing that came here for support and got nothing but hateful rebuke. You and I both know you came in here like a storm trooper, filled with your own hatred and bitterness, and got everyone all fired up. You have to admit, CM, that if we give you wide berth and acceptance and understanding for your attitude for whatever makes you tick, we must do the same for Gem, for whatever makes her tick. From what I have read, Gem is dead wrong, wrong, wrong in her attack, but we need to find out why she would do this and what the catalyst was for this unprovoked attack and she must sincerely apologize for it. As you have done in the past. But apologies...they mean nothing if they are just lip service and the same kind of disrespectful judgments come out later in more manipulative and softer forms masked on a sweet face...the message is still clear.<p>Catnip =^^=<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: catnip ]</p>

Catnip,<p>I won't go around and around on this with you. I will try and answer you simply and as short as possible.
This is my farewell to someone I admired and respected. It is not written to anyone else. Mom is not only an ex-ow but a former WS. How is it that she prevailed as you say? The BS don't own this site. This site and this thread have evolved. Get over it. People here to rebuild are who this site is for. No matter what their role in their failing relationship.
My statmenet, the piece you quoted in your response is very simple. I have been attacked in the past, most recently as friday. By a BS. (gemini it so happens) I wasn't directing my post to her. No one else on that thread yelled at me. She came out of the bush and attacked me. That is what I'm talking about, times like that. And its happened alot. I too did not always know how to get my point across in a calm manner. I've learned. I'm fairly new here. BS's who have been here a long time ahve said some insulting things to me and about people like me. That is what I mean. I won't become like them. And I encourage others not to either.
No, I'm not trying to piss anyone off. I'm simply stating that the insults that are slung around here are indicative of person who does the slinging. Its not always easy to avoid the knee jerk reactions and it easier to be like them than to calmly let it go. That is it. Them could be BS, WS, OW, OM, whoever. Please, don't get all worked up, I'm not generalizing BS, just hurtful people.
You weren't so kind either catnip when I first arrived. I'd rather let it go and not get into finger pointing, we'll be here forver and it's not worth it for either of us. Theres more important things to be done.