H and I are still having problems, day after day, now it seems the fights are turning into days rather than hours. Ow continues to call every week, for stupid reasons, like is the only ins card we have or is there a pharm card? When it clearly states on card this is your med, denta;, pharm etc. I tried to tell him she's just trying to keep in contact with him and cause trouble but he just does'nt see it that way. He don't think she would do that. Which aggravates me because he tells me I'm making a big deal out of nothing. When we went to cuseling the counselor said he was to have no contact with her without my presence. She calls him at work and there is no caller id so h says he doesn't know who it is until he answers and he just wants tokeep peace. He is not seeing oc, but it was also brought to my attention b/c it would kill me is why he isn't doing it, but I feel one day it is going to come up and I don't know what to do, every minute i struggle withthe fact when is it going to happen? Anyway we are fighting so much now, he said maybe I should just give up parental rights and severe all ties. I just don't feel right about that, even though I would absolutely love it, deep down I know its wrong. However, I have a friend who said doing that would be a bad idea b/c if you go to court for increase in cs it looks bad on you and also baby could be adopted without your consent so you would still have to pay cs even if baby were adopted if you gave up parental rights. Anyone know anything about this??

yelodaisy,
I would certainly check with a good lawyer first, but I'm pretty sure there is not any advantage to this unless another man is adopting OC. Your H would still be stuck with all the responsibility and none of his legal rights.<p>Something else you said caught my attention: "...he just wants to keep peace." If you go to http://www.affairs-help.com/ you'll find a quiz on what TYPE of affair it was. One type (my H's and many others) is "conflict avoider". It really HELPED him and our marriage for him (and I)to identify this and realize is a problem and source of conflict! I could go on and on about it, but I just want to bring it to your attention in case it could be helpful to you both in therapy and recovery.<p>I agree with you that XOW sounds like she's just trying to stay in touch needlessly. Hopely she'll get over that with time. You understandably need your H to demonstrate that his priority is YOU, your family and feelings! If you talk it through, you may be able to come up with ways together other than terminating rights. There are some great ideas for demonstrating trust in recovery in the book "After the Affair" by Janis Abram Spring.<p>Prayers,
Jenny
in recovery 3.5 years and happy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: Jenny ]</p>

Hello,
If the baby is adopted then your H does not have to pay cs. By giving up all rights he can't see OC and CS payments can go up. I would make sure your H wants to never see the child before he gives up all rights. He will still have to pay child support and I bet OW will probably not stop calling him. There is really no advantage unless there is someone that wants to adopt the child.<p>Dawn

Mr."T" gave up his rights and signed the OC over to ex-ow for sole care and custody. We settled out of court for a fair amount. I do owe our ex-OW thanks for that.<p>By Mr."T" signing away his rights, he still has to pay CS, but we have no hassle from ex-ow and any minimal contact goes through me.<p>We would stop paying CS only if OC was adopted by ex-ow's fiance/future husband. We are praying for that, but if that doesn't happen, we will still continue to pay our financial obligation.<p>I would definately check with a family lawyer/law specialist. The laws are different in each state.<p>I hope you find a solution that works for you.<p>Hugs,
Twiisty