well it finally happened. the om had one of the women that worked with him and fh contact her to find out how her and the baby are doing. fh actually handled it sort of well by replying to her what does he care. they spoke for a short time about work and then fh told her they were doing ok when she asked a second time. fh told me that she felt the question was coming from her friend this time. i wish she would have just passed on the oponion that it is none of his damned business. fh told me immediately after she received the call so i don't feel she is hiding anything. the problem i am having is what is this s-o-b thinking that he has the right to try and contact her whenever he feels like it. i am really feeling that i need to go to his house and explain the situation to him with a crow bar up side of his head. this is one thing that has been eating at me for this whole time. that i didn't put this worm into intensive care when all this started a year ago. i really don't know if i will be able to refrain myself if he ever tries to contact her directly. it's as if he thinks he needs to protect fh from me. i still think he needs to be responsible but he has no business calling here or trying to find out how my wife or her child is doing until he decides to stand up like a man and face his responsibilities. i know they have left for now and hopefully not forever but i give mo5 and wib a tremendous amount of credit for the way they have semmingly met this adversity head on.

Dear Pops<p>For a moment I put myself in your shoes and I can certainly see why you felt the way you did...who could blame you?<p>But, Pops, please do restrain yourself from doing anything that would put you in hot water with the law and make things a bigger mess than they already are. If you can't confront the guy without taking a swing at him, get a restraining order to keep the jerk from calling the house.<p>Now, take a lap around the block a couple times to release some of those nasty negs.<p>Hey, I hear ya...really...just maintain low tones as best you can.<p>Love<p>Catnip =^^=

Also...just think about how much he'd love to press charges against you...he'd be licking his poor little beat up chops.

Don't give him the power. Restraining order sounds good.
Good luck! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Pops,<p>The good news is that FH handled it well. Are you still on the road to filing for CS?? If so when is it going to happen?<p>I hope you are doing better and the FH is starting to heal as well.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

to all,,,,, i am trying to keep myself very busy with work and little league so i don't have time to lay in wait for anyone. my last son,s ll team won their league and is prepareing to play in the tournament of champions. one week later i will start coaching the 12 year old all star team and that will keep me busy everyday thru july. this is my last year of coaching ll baseball after 21 straight years. looking forward to just watching high school sports and my grand kids play. <p>yes fh did handle the situation pretty well. i told her that although i was very pi$$ed off about him trying to contact her (even through a mutual friend) that her letting me know right away and the way she handled it were probably the best thing she has done so far in her actions toward showing me that she wants us to succeed. i will not track this butt head down and beat him but i will call him and let him know exactly how i feel and for his own health it would be prudent that he never again makes any effort to contact fh. any contact will be when and where we (fh and myself) determine. there will be no threats to him just facts.<p>
thanks for the words of wisdom on keeping myself under control. by the way a restaining order most likely won't work as this coward has always sent someone else to seek out imformation. this time he hid behind a mutual woman friends skirt. i can't get a restaining order on the whole city. but believe me he will most definetly get his come upins.

Ah Young Skywalker, your anger does your proud. But, it will make it easier to turn you to the dark side. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Pops,<p>I apologize I just couldn't resist. Seriously, it is good to see you voicing your anger at OM, BUT as you point out it won't be very productive to act on it. Just remember "revenge is a dish best served COLD". So if you talk with him, make it civil, make it very monotone, make it with few words. No, threats,perhaps some implied ones. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] He will get the message.<p>Have faith Pops he will get his just rewards and you won't have to do a thing. I have seen it happen over and over in my life. Bad people who do bad things have bad things happen to them and their families. It happens over and over.<p>21 years of LL??? All I can say is it is better than tee ball. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] How do you stand the parents?? My kids played and play a lot of sports, I found LL parents to be the worst, with soccer parents in hot pursuit. Pops you must be a man of great patience to endure the parents. The kids are fun.<p>Hang in there Pops and God Bless,<p>JL

jl,,,,, you need not apoolgize. in fact i kind of like it. your post about sreving revenge up cold reminds me of what i read bobby bowden (football coach of florida state) said in an interview once. " when someone is mean to you be nice in return and you will KILL them with kindness". when you stop and tink about it, it really makes sense. <p>i have coached soccer almost as long as ll baseball also. and to tell you the truth dealing with the parents all these years has really helped me with my patience.

pops
Killing them with kindness does indeed work,<p>My husband has alot of the feelings you have towards OM, and does at times voice this.. but to me not OM. I listen because I figure I created this situation.. I shall have to take it. But it passes shortly.
Grace is so young still, in time some of these things get easier. My husband concentrates more on little one, than the OM. I guess this helps him.
SOME Days I want to scream and holler at every one.. others are not so bad.
SOME days when they shower her with clothes or gifts.. I think to my self.. ok now you have your very own barbie doll, how dare you start doing for her now, you missed the first year of her life being a coward. But these are angry moments and I keep them to my self.
I just want you to know we ALL have these thoughts. They pass in times.
I do hope you and fh come through all this.

Pops,<p>All I can say is you must have the patience of a Saint. I mostly coached basketball when my kids were younger. Now I just give tips from the stands. The good thing is that two of them now play sports in college so the parents are really out of it. THe youngest one, a freshman soon to be a soph, is the only one into baseball, but he also plays football and basketball.<p>Even in HS the parents can be nutty. I am actively involved in school fundraising for sports and the stories.<p>Well, I hope you do enjoy all of this and definitely listen to "Bobby" he does know what he is talking about.<p>God Bless,<p>JL<p>PS: Daughter played a lot of soccer and frankly I really enjoyed that game. The strategies are a lot like basketball. I miss those days alot.<p>[ June 07, 2002: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</p>

mo5,,,,, i actually don't spend that much time thinking of om. one reason i feel fh needs to persue cs is that i don't like the idea of him popping in unexpectedly like he did this past week. let's get it all out in the open set up a schedule for visits if he choses that priveledge (earned by full filling his responsibility of cs) and move on. <p>as far as your om being a coward because it took him a year to step up to the plate. sorry it's little league season. my own life was very similar to your om's. when i was a young man just prior to meeting fh my girlfriend at the time became pregnant. she did this intentionally to force me to marry her. that is not just my opinion it is a fact to which she admitted years later. anyway, my chioce was to walk away from the situation with the thought that she would meet a nice guy and they would raise the child as a solid family unit. this way the child would not be torn between 2 separate households. she sued me for child support about 1-1/2 years later. i never saw my son until he was 20 months old. i took the 1st visitation with him and fell instantly in love with him. she became very bitter as it was hard for her to allow him to leave with me for weekend visits. she would hide him, just leave with him for the weekend i was supposed to see him, and even had people there threatening me with physical harm at pick-ups and drop-offs leading me to start doing these things with a sherrif's escourt. i on the other hand never bad mouthed here or said a negative word about her in my sons presence. just explained it to him that sometimes grown ups have bad days and their tempers run short. any how me and my son have a very close relationship now and not trying to belittle anyone but he has seen what she was doing and told me he lost alot of respect for on account of it. sorry i rambling here. the point was that your om had to come to terms with this whole situation the same as you and your h did. remember it was not in his house so it was most likely easier for him to try and ignore it. since it was in your house you and your h could not ignore the elephant sitting in the middle of the living room. you 2 had to deal with it on a faster time frame then your om did. that's all. <p>
now i don't know all the particulars to your specific case but i am just suggesting that he may not have been a coward. it just took him a little longer to see the light. as was the case for me. and remember it is him that will feel quilty later in life for missing her 1st year. i know this to be true also as i have felt that same quilt for missing 20 months of my sons life. also if what you have wrote about in the past about how hard it was to allow him to take her over night just think how lucky you were that those issues didn't come up a year sooner.<p>and thank you for your advice on time i do appreciate it. <p>hey side note..... writing this letter has lit another light in my head and actually shown me a side of myself that i had forgotten even existed. <p>thanks again for your help in causing me to recollect (sp?) my own past.<p>
how on earth do you put those silly little gremlins in your posts? i am such a computer dope i can't figure out anything with these darned things. i could use both blinking eyes and the big green toothy smile in this post. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Pops:
<strong>
how on earth do you put those silly little gremlins in your posts? i am such a computer dope i can't figure out anything with these darned things. i could use both blinking eyes and the big green toothy smile in this post.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>If you are using internet explorer got to the top of the browser and click on tools, then click internet options, a box will appear and go to the top of it and click the tab labeled security. Look down the bottom of the box and make sure the the defaul level is greyed out and click ok. If it isn't greyed out then click default level and click the apply and ok buttons and you are set.<p>All of this will activate active scripting and allow you to use the instant graemlins to express your feelings on your post.<p>Hope this helps.

POPS,
No he was a coward, those are his words not mine, He SNUCK AROUND FOR A YEAR SEEING HER But didnt have the guts to come forward for a year.
He knows this, we have talked about it.
I dont have lots of great anger for him, I just wanted you to know that those feelings pop up in every one once in a while... I however never act on them, I just put it aside and smile. lol
Thank you for sharing though I will keep it in mind, It will help me remember before I open my mouth. I do not want to be like Your xgf.
I can see where a situation like that would be difficult.. I would never keep daughter from him, I know he loves her, But we all have moods. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img]
But you now what YOU ARE RIGHT.! I actually am glad it didnt come up a year sooner, I would have missed valuable time and I may not have been able to handle it as well.
<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]