My husband was in tx for 10 wks and had an affair...now shes' pregnant and says its his...I need to know what my rights are and how i can protect my daughter...ive read some of the post and i couldnt get to site alllaw.com-it to get an idea on what he might have to pay. Am i understanding that even though he has us they wont take that into consideration at all on the cs? I dont understand why the family has to pay so dearly when the ow is just as responsible for this mess. Im trying to get thru the pain and anger and have to deal with her demands too? And can she get a dna test done before the baby is due?

h-n-l,<p>I hate to say "welcome" to this board, but you have found the right place for information and support! As for you and your D being considered first, you need to talk to a family lawyer about that. A few here have done "faux" divorces to have their "cut" taken first, and the OC considered second, and in one case, to have the assets of the M protected. Hopefully, they will be on the boards soon to give you some advice in that direction.<p>As for the DNA test prior to delivery, they can do it with an amnio, but it really depends on the dr as to if they will do that. I was the one to be unfaithful and became pregnant, and when we asked, they wouldn't do an amnio just to check DNA. Of course, that is also the military hospital, so you may have a different answer. Otherwise, you will have to wait till the baby is born. <p>How far along is the xOW? If she's not that far along, and won't/can't get an amnio for DNA, then look at the time between now and her due date as time to strengthen your M for when the baby is born. So that you and your H can stand as a untied front in whatever decisions you make.<p>I hope I was at least somewhat helpful. Look all over this site, and use their methods! They really work, if you are both in agreement to using them! I wish you the best of luck, and post often to get some wonderful support from those who have been there and are "doing that"!<p>Tigger

Dear hurt n lost,
I am assuming by your post "husband in tx for ten weeks" meant he was in Texas. Unfortunately, I as everyone else are here in the same boat with you. I live in TX my husband had an affair 20mths ago. We both just found out about the baby, in our case, they did consider that we had two other children at home when basing the child support. Also I think TX goes by your net income rather than gross, not positive about that. I think if ow lives here and that's were cs case is going to court it will be based by TX laws no matter where you live. I hope my info gives you a little bit of hope. I know every glimmer takes me a little further. I could be wrong, I've just gathered bits and pieces here and there. H went to court on his own without an atty and he tells me about court and patermity testing after the fact.

I'm just bumping this up for more advice for this new person!<p>Tigger

ow is due dec. 24th, so i dont know what she will or wont do. It is a relief to know my daughter might be taken into consideration too. I do want to say thank you, tigger and yelodaisy for your kind replies. I dont feel quite as alone as i did yesterday. If anyone has anymore suggestions Id gladly take them.

Hello,
Sorry to say welcome! I would make sure your H gets a paternity test done first before you give OW any money. How are you doing? I would read the principles on this site to help you. And fill out the questionnaires. How are you and your H doing? <p>Dawn

Hi hurt and lost<p>My H had an A. I found out at the end of March about OW and OC in a anon letter that came to my home. Everyone here has been so helpful and kind to me. It is by the Grace of God that they are my friends. I am still hurting very bad and have alot of anger for my husband, but I have days that I don't cry. Just keep reading as many posts as you can. I'm glad that in TX they allow for your child first. In FL they do the same thing.

First i want to say thank you again for everyones kindness. Hubby and I still have some problems...one is that he doesnt think he needs counseling...."im the one that is having problems dealing with the situation" I get angry alot and want more then anything to just punch him...but dont b/c of my daughter. Sometimes i just feel the steam building and know im gonna blow on day. He says he loves me and doesnt want me to leave...but other then that...dont get much out of him, im the one that does all the research on this baby also and yes we plan on the test before we shell out a dime. H even mentioned going for custody....but didnt ask how id feel about another womens child in the house. I dont want to deprieve my daughter of her sibling...but i dont know if i could handle it...i dont know if im that good of a person. Ive printed up the questioners and plan on sitting with h to do them (hoping he will). h leaves again in sept. for 90 days so ill be dealing with all this on my own... so thank you all again for ur support

HnL,<p>I am sorry for the pain that I read in your post! I think that you are doing the right thing, by printing the questionares, but you don't want to push your H too hard about filling them out with you! It could push him a little too much right now. <p>Have you read any of the other matterial here, or gotten any of the books suggested on this site? The one that is often recommended for new discovery is "Surviving an Affair". You can even order if off this site, as well as the other books. <p>Sometimes, you will be the one doing all the work, as your H is like many other WS's I've read about on this site, it's out of sight, out of mind, so there is nothing to "fix". Just don't push, or ask every day about going to counseling. You could even start with just yourself, let the counselor know what's going on, that your H doesn't think he needs it, and see where it goes from there.<p>As for your H thinking about filing for custody, is she a bad mother? And when I say bad, I mean REALLY bad. The courts still have a mentallity of "child's best kept with the mother". There is one other person here, whose H has 51% custody of the OC! They have been through a lot, but it is proven, in previous court cases, that their xOW is a BAD mother! They go through a lot every week, but have survived for almost a year now(congrats to you Stacia!!!!!). So, it can be done, but you must be sure that it's something that you can both do. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot about another poster whose H has full custody of his 2 OC! But they are also a little older, and she's having a little bit of a hard time, all of a sudden having 2 toddlers at once. But, she's still trying! <p>The point is, you need to sit down w/H and decide what you are both willing to do to keep your M and how to handle this situation. You will both need to give a little in areas you may not want to at first. And, it may seem like you are the only one working on the M as well! I highly recommend looking into Plan A/B to understand how this works for you in your situation.<p>I hope I didn't bore you with my jabbering and rambling! I just got on a roll this morning, and felt I could offer you some help! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Keep us informed as time goes by, and continue to post here!<p>Tigger<p>[ June 07, 2002: Message edited by: tigger4jdt ]</p>