I was just reading a post by Catnip where she was remembering Oldies. I have been here since 12/00 and I just thought it would be fun to post about the oldie who no longer posts regularly and had the hugest impact on you. <p>I have two:<p>Heavenly who had a way with a keyboard that could calm the raging seas.<p>CDCollins who even in her own pain and struggles always was ready to lend kind words of encouragement.<p>ya know what I remember most about this board when it was "the way it was"? How all of the oldies (when i was a newbie) helped walk me through the steps of my recovery. So many nights I came to this computer screen to sort out my feelings and my "plan of action" and I was always greeted by someone who had been there and done it. It was very rare that my thread topics weren't filled with at least one comment by every "regular" member. Even if it was just a "good luck" note.<p>I miss that. I miss that we as oldies (BS)don't spend more energy and time cultivating and nurturing our newbies (BS). We were soooooo good at it before BonnieBB and the others. <p>I'm guilty of neglect. Are you?<p>Just a thought,
Z.

Zebra, Guilty as charged. Oh the good old days remember when one of us would come here so raging mad about our ow antics and before it was all said and done we would end up almost peeing our pants with laughter instead of being angry anymore.
(Gem shsssssh don't say nothing about the garbage can). <p>I really have been so busy cheating the ow out of her hard earned child support, that in the summer I don't have much time. I will try to do better.<p> Here's a funny email I have to share it.<p>*****DOM


When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call
me a *itch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a
*itch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do
things my own way, they call me a *itch.
Being a *itch means I won't compromise what's in my
heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I
won't allow anyone to step on me. <p> When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against
it, I am defined as a *itch. The same thing happens
when I take time for myself instead of being
everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It
means I have the courage and strength to allow myself
to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's
idea of what they think I "should" be. <p> I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. <p> I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with
that! <p> So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed. And if that makes me a *itch, so be
it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it. <p> B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself <p> B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman <p> B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything <p> with love flowerseed

Are flowersex and I the only ones that remember the way it was????<p>
up up up <p>Z.

No, I remember the way it was.
When I came to this board I THOUGHT it's purpose was to help rebuild marriages and deal with painful issues surrounding oc.
Somewhere along the way it came to be a place for OW to come and tell us how unreasonable we are because we don't love oc as our own and how selfish we are to be bitter and angry over their intrusion into our lives.
I gave up and went quietly. I still lurk but rarely post.
I have no interest in the view point of OW. After 5 years I have heard them all.<p>jtigger

jtigger, I couldn't agree with you more. <p>Thanks for posting. <p>ember

I remember the way it used to be, and how I didn't post for a while, just read. I also remember "attacking" Bystander, whom I now admire for all the help he's been for so many here on this particular part of the forum! I think that we can get this board back to the way it was, and have seen many new posters who have gotten some excellent advice in the last week! Let's keep concentrating on those who need help.<p>Tigger

Hi everyone,<p>When I saw the title of this post, I thought maybe it was safe to come back. I was truly shocked to see myself mentioned in Zebra's post.<p>I have been away for some time, as she noted. These have not been easy months for me since losing the twins. So many times I came to this board and I wanted to share so much with those of you I have come to cherish. I have been sorry that I never got a chance to tell you about my babies. But for a long time there has been "bad karma" hanging over this board and I never felt comfortable enough to really talk to you like in the old days.<p>It seemed that every post I read, instead of sharing feelings and spreading comfort, became a battleground where you were forced to defend your point of view. We are all different and we have different experiences -- each one is unique. But I have always felt our strength was that we were able to take some small part of each other's experience and use it -- either to apply to our own relationships to make them better or simply to hold onto with hope to comfort us during the darkest of times.<p>There was a thread that my H started when he relayed the message to all of you that we lost our babies. I wish that everyone could go back and read what the wonderful men and women of MB Forum wrote there. I have never seen such compassion, strength, love, and concern as was found in each and every post from people I have come to feel are like family and from strangers who saw the pain we were in and reached out to comfort us.<p>To me, that is what MB Forum is about. And every time I have posted here, I have tried to light a small path for someone in pain to follow. But, when I started to feel that I was getting grief from this Forum, that's when I stopped visiting.<p>My marriage is in recovery -- through God's blessings, a lot of hard work, understanding, willingness to change and willingness to grow. It was the scariest experience of my life to realize that everything I thought I knew was good and true in my relationship was not what it seemed. It was equally scary to give up that security blanket of grief and victimization and move into the light of forgiveness. But the hardest thing of all for both me and my H was to shed our former selves and venture out into a new kind of relationship without guarantees.<p>I would like to post on MB again. I miss all of you and I would like to help others soften their hearts and learn to love their spouses again. In my darkest hours, people on this board were here for me and I would love to return that favour. <p>So, my dear Zebra, Flowersex, jtigger, ember, and tigger, I do remember the oldies. I remember them fondly and long for our safe haven again. Maybe with God's help and some focus, as tigger suggested, we can get back there.<p>love,
heavenly<p>[ June 13, 2002: Message edited by: heavenlybody26 ]</p>

Dear Sweet heavenlybody,
You are the single person who taught me what it takes to "listen with my heart, not with my head"<p>I was in so much turmoil wanting to throw the bum out and you said there was hope when I didn't feel there was. You said H loved me while I felt he'd given up our 26 year (at that time) marriage.<p>You told me to believe his words and actions when I really wanted to just have him gone!<p>I wanted HIM to suffer MORE than he made me suffer. I didn't want him to have the comfort of me any longer. I felt he didn't deserve me at all.<p>I wrote to you daily and you and prayer gave me comfort and encouragement.<p>We talked about your pending birth when H and I got a little stronger.<p>I STILL wrote of all the ow problems w/visits and how I couldn't continue to try and feared that I'd gone so far that H would now leave after I trusted and was loving him again.<p>You told me not to be afraid of wanting some peace w/H. To tell him and let visitation go and we did.<p>Aside from the last upheaval of ow and a letter from the prosecutors office on pending charges from the state of Ohio for stalking and telephone harrassment, things have calmed down considerably. One more call or letter or showing up where she sees my car and she'll face 180 days in jail and 1000 dollar fine. This was in late March. I have kept silent about a lot of this past 19 months, but things have been brutal at times.<p>I just met w/State of Ohio Medical Board investigator on my lunch hour for complaints filed against ow DR. brother for sending baby's bills to us before anything was established in court. Unethical practice from his office! The complaint was filed last year and was just assigned an investigator now. H and I decided to follow through as her bro. called H's cell and mailed bills over all of last spring and summer!<p>Finally I get a little even for all that ow has done singlehandedly to me and my family, it took time, but revenge in a legal way is "SWEET".<p>Investigator knows of ow's bro and alluded to the fact that he's being investigated criminally also. Sale of illegal prescription drugs? HMMMMM.<p>As I was saying heavenly... when your H came on to let us know about your babies and what you were going through I was filled with sadness as a friend or sister can feel. For days I told friends and family I was upset as a good friend of mine lost her and her H's babies shortly after birth. That it wasn't fair as my friend was and is "heavenly", and didn't deserve what had happened! Hell, I was angry at God for letting that happen. I'll never understand heavenly as hard as I might try.
Just how much heartache is present on this board at most times, but we do laugh from time to time.<p>That is my wish heavenly, for you and H to fill your loving hearts with laughter again!<p>Please feel safe with us.<p>Many newcomers will need your gentle guidance to help them know there is still hope after this nightmare and shock of a lifetime.
That you may be able to love together again if you are willing to forgive.<p>You needn't forget (though I wish for shock therapy to be able to) but a time will come where the numbness wears off and you can experience joy together again.<p>I'm glad you posted dear friend.<p>Hello from one greatful woman.<p>As far as you Flowersex! The garbage cans make me howl to this day! hugs to you.<p>
Zebrababy we came here together about the same time and are two examples of recovery.<p>Do you guys remember me gettin my girls? heh..heh...they're so great! H and I love 'em!<p>So good to hear from all of you, ember honey, keep cool. <p>jtigger, nice to read your posts,always.<p>And you tigger4jdt, helped me through ow pregnancy when I didn't think she was telling the truth.
You all are special.
Hey! Where's never at a loss for words, ole Catnip? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I love you all.
love
Debi<p>[ June 12, 2002: Message edited by: gemini1 ]<p>[ June 12, 2002: Message edited by: gemini1 ]</p>

{{{{{{{{{{heavenly}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>It's nice to see you posting. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
As always, nicely said!

Did anyone else get warm inside reading all these wonderful post remebering the way it was.<p>I did.<p>Thank you all for posting and hopefully showing the newbies that there is a safe place here, regardless of whomever else posts. <p>Bottom line, there is a ton of good loving people here to give support, hugs and encouragement.<p>Stay strong ladies, for yourselves and for each other.<p>Love,
Z. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I too have not posted in a long time but I have been reading. I did not feel comfortable sharing my thoughts so I would just read. This post has brought tears to my eyes because I remember the first day I posted, many of you help me through what I considered and still consider the worst time of my life. Although I am still having a difficult time and I no longer post, I just wanted you oldies to know that I appreciated all the wonderful support you gave me.<p>Thanks.

i dont visit very often even to lurk.
It seems to just bring all the pain back.
Unfortunately Im single now (we had other problems too maybe if that was our only problem we couldve survived) But im well, bought a house trying to go on with life. But truly my life will never be the same, and im not able to trust or love yet.
There were times i felt unwelcome, everything was tense here.
But it truly has helped me realize i wasnt the only going through this emotional hell
and when i do lurk here it breaks my heart that there are newbies more people feeling that It just drudges up so much for me
Im not a strong enough person to help them through it I just sink back into the pain.
Good luck everyone