Tofu,
I have not read this entire thread so maybe someone has already made this point. My understanding of paternity law is this:<p>In most states, if you are married to a woman and she becomes pregnant, it does not matter who the biological father of the child is. The child is considered to be the responsibility of the husband (and W). Legally speaking that is.<p>There was a case in Maryland (I think) where a married man discovered that his W was pregnant. The man later discovered that he was not the biological father of that child. <p>He divorced his wife, but is still responsible for paying child support becasue he was married to the woman when she got pregnant.<p>The case has been argued over and over and last I knew may be considered for the supreme court. Ultimately, your W, your kid.<p>That's the legal stand point. As far as the emotionality of it all, well that's another story that I can't even begin to speak to.

tofu
I am not so sure ASIA is the answer, bcause if you truly love your wife and she knows you have left the country assuming you livin another country, How can she come back to you if she sees she has royally messed up. I would move away only if you were planning on getting a divorce and giving up on every thing.. but thats just me.
Think long and hard before you make a decision.
AS far as getting a faux divorce to save your money, If OM is involved then most likely he will pay child support , If he isnt involved at aLL and you take over as daddy and want to, then after a period of time, the courts in some states will make you pay and support the child any way, because after all you are acting as a father tot he child. Just make sure you cover everything.
But dont make hard choices while angry.
Sometimes when we are emotional we make rash decisions.
Hope today has been a little better for you

Thanks everyone.
I really don't know what to do. I sent her a very sweet plan b letter. Our lease on our apt. was up and we were planning on moving away anyways but I have been on the fence this whole year because she has been back and forth between me and OM. I wish I had discovered MB before. I would have had much better idea of what to do! I simply ignored the problem this whole year and tried to get on with my life without having any expectations about my R with her. I am off for the summer and I don't feel comfortable opening up to my parents about this or even being with them right now. I don't really know what to do with myself. I am seeing my therapist tomorrow which will be a great help. Travelling will help me escape, and I can fly to her at a moment's notice. I don't know . . . I am in plan B now and I am not working. I know I need to take care of myself and do things that will make me happy.
Travel makes me happy. This stinks!
The whole financial thing is something to think about but I am not overly concerned about her trying to take my money. But then again I didn't expect her to have an affair either. As far as where W and I would stay if we get back together- her family has an extra house for us and being close to her family would be a good thing during the pregnancy. So I don't really need to be settled somewhere for her to know that we will have sanctuary of our own.

I have a faux divorce question? What is it exactly? Does my wife need to know that I did it? Please explain because I am thinking of taking this route.
I have decided to stick with the plan B. I have been thinking about this past year. EA started in May 2001, PA started in October 2001 and I have been sweet and loving the whole time with W. I have been in plan A the whole year without really knowing I was in it. I am in plan B now and plan on sticking to it. I have given this marriage everything this past year. I have ignored my future and my life this year becaue of my WW. I have been on the fence waiting for her. I am ready to do something for me, making me happy and not doing things because the W will like it. If she wants me, she can come find me. She is a capable adult who has the energy to find me and make our marriage work if she really wants too. I'll be here for her but I will not be waiting around. I have no desire to go out and meet a woman and have an affair of my own, but I can't stay at home waiting for the phone to ring. Please give me your input friends.

You should ask catnip about this, I a sure she will be along to help. But MY understanding it is a real divorce thet you enter into with your wife, but you still live as man and wife. and carry on as such.
I dont really know how it works or much deatail, but your wife may not agree and see this as a major LB on your part, But you sound as if you have made your mind up as to what you want to do.
I would imagine it is hard to work on your marriage while wife is away at her fathers in another country.
All I an say is do what you need to do for you and if your meant to be together you will find a way to do so.<p>[ June 11, 2002: Message edited by: mom of five ]</p>

I wish I knew what I needed to do for me but right now I am feeling real lonely and sad. I guess the reality of losing her is beginning to sink in. The last few days (5 days in plan b) have been real hectic and busy. Now I am experiencing some down time and boy do I miss her. I just know that if she ever could get this man out of her system we could have a wonderful marriage together. . . . but I know it can't happen until she is ready to let go of him. How do we survive these moments of loss? Any recommendations . . .