I just found this website yesterday looking for some kind of help in dealing with my current predicament with my husband. I already wrote a longish post over on the Emotional Needs board, but I'll try to sum things up as best as possible here:

My husband and I have been married for a little over 1 year. We had been together for 2.5 years before getting married, so we're coming up on our 4th year as a couple in November. Early on, he told me he had been dx'd as bipolar when he was in his late teens, and after going away to college, he slid into a manic episode that got him arrested (possessing a concealed weapon on a school campus... It was a butterfly knife and he wasn't threatening anyone with it. But he was acting really weird... Weird enough for the cops to be called and when they searched him, they found the knife and had to haul him in). Ultimately, it got him the treatment he needed. His parents were very involved in his illness, but he never stuck with taking medication. So, for the last 8 years or so, he's been med-free. He holds himself together well, as he's pretty high-functioning, but the longer I've been around him, the more I see patterns to his behaviors that are not quite right.

Right now, the big issue is that he wants me to set him free (he won't say "divorce"...) for the following list of reasons:

A) He thinks he got married to me for the wrong reason, that he thought marrying me would make everything "right". Let me make this clear, he's not talking about making things right with me or the relationship, but right with himself.

B) He's not sure if he loves me or not but treats me lovingly regardless. Actions speak louder than words?

C) He's feeling "trapped" by the marriage, and doesn't want to make himself miserable by staying in it.

D) He thinks we work really well together, that we're a great team and that he knows I love him deeply. HOWEVER, he still thinks we're doomed for failure as couple.

E) He's receptive to going to counseling, and I've set up our first appointment for next Wednesday, but he doesn't think it's going to change anything.

I know this man extremely well. I know his patterns, I can see the thought process as it goes on inside his mind, but what I can't tell is how much of this is because of the bipolar and how much of it is authentic. I'm trying to be careful about chalking this all up to a mental illness and letting it slide, because that's not a smart thing to do. He's sick, not stupid, after all.

He is currently acting depressed, showing most of the obvious outward signs of depression like sleeping a lot, losing weight, inability to concentrate, lack of interest in pleasurable activities and so on. He says he's fine... In fact, he says he feels better now that he's told me what's been going through his mind since the day we first laid eyes on each other.

I really just don't know what to believe... I've had plenty of experience with depression on my own end, so I am sympathetic to what he's experiencing. It's frustrating, though. He withdraws but gets upset with me because I'm not talking with him about "our" issues. He thinks I'm in denial. I'm pretty aware, actually, and the only reason I'm having a hard time communicating with him is because I honestly do not know what to say or do without driving a wedge between us. I'm starting to slide into a depression because of all of this, too.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm not looking for miracles, just ideas. I'm frustrated because it's taking so long for us to get professional help, and all the while our relationship continues to get weirder and weirder. One minute it will be smooth sailing, the next it's choppy waters.

And the really bizarre thing is that we don't fight, we *barely* argue and we seem to be genuinely happy as a couple. It's just this idea in his head that we're doomed that's coloring everything about our marriage in a negative way.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. You might try posting on the general questions forum as there is much more traffic there.

We have a lot of bipolar folks here. So hopefully you will get some input.

You are right, actions speak louder than words. I think your situation is very hopeful.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Welcome to marriagebuilders. You might try posting on the general questions forum as there is much more traffic there.

We have a lot of bipolar folks here. So hopefully you will get some input.

You are right, actions speak louder than words. I think your situation is very hopeful. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you, Believer. I'll go post this in the GQ section, then... I'm just so desperate for advice or reassurance or something helpful. Things just seem to get more and more confusing with each passing day.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sarahbellem:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Welcome to marriagebuilders. You might try posting on the general questions forum as there is much more traffic there.

We have a lot of bipolar folks here. So hopefully you will get some input.

You are right, actions speak louder than words. I think your situation is very hopeful. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you, Believer. I'm just so desperate for advice or reassurance or something helpful. Things just seem to get more and more confusing with each passing day. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
[qb] Welcome to marriagebuilders. You might try posting on the general questions forum as there is much more traffic there.

We have a lot of bipolar folks here. So hopefully you will get some input.

You are right, actions speak louder than words. I think your situation is very hopeful. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you, Believer. I'm just so desperate for advice or reassurance or something helpful. Things just seem to get more and more confusing with each passing day.

Woah. I'm not sure why that posted 3 times! Sorry!