Some setup...
My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We have 3 beautiful, active daughters ranging from 9 to 15 years of age. We are both 41 years old and are both in extremely good physical condition. We both work out regularly, and are often complemented on our appearances. Certainly my wife is. In my mind, she's absolutely drop dead gorgeous and I think I'm more attracted to her now than ever before. I would think that any woman would be thrilled to know that her husband is still madly in love and lust with her after 18 years, and would try to reciprocate.
However, she is a very closed person who doesn't say much about her feelings or her feelings towards me - she never has. Any sort of contact, sexual or othewise, has always been initiated by me. In bed it's me that does all the giving - she doesn't pleasure me at all or care too much whether I'm satisfied. I warm her up, we do the deed, she barely makes a sound or changes her expression, and then it's down. It's often late at night, after she watches her tv shows. It always seems to be secondary to her. I've accepted this in the past, because most other aspects of our relationship are good.
Within the last few years, my wife has started to dress in a much more revealing way. It started out sleeveless, and then backless, and now very low cut. I understand her need to feel attractive, but I do not understand her need to dress like this, knowing that guys will stare and try to get "a closer look". Guys seem to take more liberties with her, making jokes and comments. These are people we both know, and it's often associated with our kids sports teams. It is also often mortifying for me when she bends over and reveals a full frontal. I am regularly witness to the gawking and leering from other men, and frankly i don't like it one bit.
I tried to explain to her that this makes me very uncomfortable, and that I'm confused as to her motives. I've accepted her closed nature up to this point, but now she really has me guessing. She accused me of trying to control her and compared it to Muslims covering up their women. She says I'm the one with the problem and she's only following the current fashion style. My gut tells me there's more to it. I don't want to drive her away, but am truly at an impasse. I am losing my respect for her - it feels like she's cheating on me right in front of me.
Any thoughts or comments would be most appreciated.
Tom
