FMFB,
I do believe it's possible to love more than one man....but you are only married to one man. The only way to help break the spell of "new" love is to end all contact...there is no other way. That doesn't mean you stop loving the other person but the "addictive" nature of infatuation eventually fades and the love you have left won't destroy your marriage.
Here is what we know about the science and biochemistry of love:
Frpm ABC news.com:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> That sense of giddy disorientation, unsinkable euphoria and complete obsession with a new love can be so overpowering it's hard to imagine it's all about emotion.
Now scientists are confirming there indeed may be a lot more going on in a body that's in love than simple, happy thoughts. In fact, a spate of recent studies has zeroed in on exactly what kind of chemical and neurological activities occur at different stages of human and animal relationships.
While the results hardly make love less mysterious, they do start to shed light on why it can make people feel so funny.
Doped Up
Helen Fisher, a research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, is among many scientists who believe the flush of a new love is enhanced by natural stimulants in the brain — dopamine and norepinphrine. She explains that high levels of these natural chemicals can make people lose their appetites and their desire for sleep, just by thinking about their new infatuations.
"These are basic traits commonly associated with romantic love and with these natural stimulants," she says. "What else could explain the way you constantly think about a person, about the way you want to read them your bad poetry?"
Further studies show that gushy romantic sensations may be similar to the highs drug addicts feel when they're under the influence. Nora Volkow, the associate director for life sciences at Brookhaven National Laboratory in New York, has analyzed the behaviors of drug addicts and people in love and found striking parallels.
"When a person is passionately in love, it is extremely exciting and provocative, and if the loved one is not there, distressing," says Volkow. "When I see my drug addicted patients, it just clicks with me how similar the addiction is."
Using live brain imaging in rats and people, Volkow has shown that drug users have fewer receptors for the happy hormone, dopamine, than most. She believes that may mean taking the drug, or being in love raises an addict's dopamine levels to the "perfect zone."
The fact that drug addiction and passionate love may trigger the same responses, signals to Volkow that drug addiction is especially dangerous since it taps into a natural sensation.
"Dopamine signals for important, salient things," she says. "This means drug addiction is about much more than seeking pleasure."
Stirring the Brain
She points out that recent studies show the same regions of the brain — including the frontal cortex — is activated when a drug addict is high and when someone in love is looking at a picture of a loved one.
Researchers at University College in London recently recorded changes in the brains of people who described themselves as "truly and madly" in love. The researchers, Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki used a functional magnetic resonance imager to scan the brains of 17 love-happy volunteers. The team also used lie detectors to screen against any possible exaggerators.
When the team showed volunteers photos of their lovers, the results were dramatic. Four small areas of the brain lit up instantly — the same areas that have been shown to respond to euphoria-inducing drugs.
Old friends, apparently, don't quite cause the same stir. When Zeki and Bartels showed the volunteers photos of their old friends the clear-cut chemical changes in the brain were not visible.
Fisher is conducting similar studies and is scanning the brain activity of people newly in love. She says it isn't hard finding volunteers for the experiments, because "people in love usually want to talk about it."
Three Stages of Love
As most know, however, the rush people feel from new love usually doesn't last forever. And Fisher is also interested in understanding the biological stimulants and anthropological explanations for all phases of love. She argues that there are three main stages to a love relationship: lust, romantic love and attachment.
The first, she says, is "to get you looking for anything at all" and is driven by hormones like testosterone. The romantic love phase, which creates the brain chemical reactions described by the London researchers, serves to "force you to focus your mating energy on one person at a time." And the final, less steamy stage of attachment is to ensure that any children produced by a love match has parents at least through its early years. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right now, this new love is like an chemical high and it has the same sort of characterists that cocaine produces in the brain. But it doesn't last. When the high fades, you will more than likely discover that the man you had was the far better choice. If you can't find motivation to end the affair....try looking and the kind of anquish that you are causing your spouse. Does he deserve it?
