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Oh well, at least the infidelity was exposed and you guys have survived it. Seems now that your marriage could survive anything! No more wasting time hating or worrying about the OW!!! On with lives! Congratulations to you & your family!!! Time to REALLY move on!!!
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Zebra, I was wondering if you thought that OC looked like your H or the BF? Just curious. <p>Dawn
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Sorry to leave ya'll hanging. On the good d-day (June 21, 2002) I spent all night talking with H. Then yesterday (saturday) I worked and we went out to dinner after wards. It was late after I got bathed and fell into a coma.
We are on our way to church. I will post H's reactions later. But I wanted to thank each of you for your warm words.
Unhappy Wife
Docs Girl
Jules (prayer does work thank you for including me in yours)
tigger
WaterRabbit
MO5
Jenny
Flowersex (nah, no payback, that's my charity for the last few years!)
Cali
Heavenly (i'll respond to your thread later, i love you)
Unsure (my sista)
Catnip (i was jealous too when it happened to MyCross so don't you dare feel bad about being jealous)
Gem(my MB arrival buddy, you are near and dear in my heart)
Tina
Mary Janes
Dawn
mshermi
Stacia
JTigger
BTDT
Reactions were wild and very interesting. I look foward to sharing them all with you.... and I'll tell you about Best Friend OW's reaction.
LOL,
Z. (still happy dancing)
<small>[ July 06, 2002, 12:01 AM: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</small>
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OMG!!!!!.... ZEBRABABY!!!....I told you these women can LIE!!!!...I can totally believe it...Been there done that...<p>I dont think for a minute that they "dont Know" for sure. How could you NOT KNOW ???....YUCK<p>They pick the biggest wage earner and there you have it...DADDY!!!...<p>I dont even lurk here that often anymore...just too busy...plus bad memories of a very crappy time in my life...but I knew there would be more of us vindicated wives...<p>I am so happy for you and your new found freedom.<p> I dont remember..have you guys been paying CS too? DONT DO what we did and let it go...we had to cuz of hubby's business. I would have loved to SUE that lying SOB so she could pay me for the rest of her LIFE...(she would have had too....we gave her over 70,000..in 10months... with interest..she would have had to right a check for ever).....<p>I am happy dancing all over the place for you...in fact I am opening a bottle of Champaign for YOU....<p>I am so happy...<p>OH JULES...congrats to you too!!!!...2 in one week TEST THOSE BABIES>>>what is the worst thing????<p>Not any worse than it already is...<p>Gotta run...kids are yelling for me...GOD I dread summer<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> LOVE MYCROSS
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WOW, Z! This is such great news for you and your family....and the folks here on the board. They can gain strength and inspiration from you and your story. You have been such a pillar of strength and support. It is only right that you should have this weight lifted from your shoulders. I'm truly, truly happy for you. I lurk everyday, just to check up on everybody, but don't post very often because there isn't much for me to offer. It does my heart good to see one of my favorites so blessed. It also angers me to know that your OW put you through this. I'm sorry but OW or not, she KNEW! Call me naive, ignorant, whatever, but how can you NOT know who the father of your child is?! Raggedy, skanky-a$$ed, triflin' HO!! Grrrr!<p>OB1
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I am soooooooooo happy for you. I hope that is October I can be greatful as well.
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Ok, i got a moment so i thought i'd write.<p>Let's see... about the repayment of child support. We only paid $150/month for about a year. I know it's not a lot, but to be honest, H and I feel like it is scraps compared to what we could have paid. And now we are considering it charity. Like a percentage of our tithe and offering. We are just happy to have them out of our lives and nothing hanging over our head. It's like we can close that chapter forever in our lives. It was a painful reminder to BOTH of us and now we can just sweep it far under the rug.<p>Now his reaction was very ... um ... unexpected. He called me while I was at the grocery store to tell me the news. I, of course, started squeeling and doing the happy dance in the middle of the grocery aisle. He was calm. I asked him if he was o.k. and he said yes. But he didn't sound "excited" like me. So I told him we'd talk more when I got home.<p>Later that night after we put the kids down we really got to talk. He described his feelings as happy but sad at the same time. The way he put it is that he had geared himself up for being the father for so long and was truely disappointed that he had "fell" for it. It sounded to me that he was feeling like quite the [censored]. He also was feeling bad for the "real" father and the OC, that they had missed out on being in each other's lives on a daily basis. <p>He also talked about the what if's. What if I would have left him at d-day and how our family would have suffered even more. <p>I don't know if it's a fog thing .. but he really believes that she thought it was his. You and I know better ... but I left it alone.<p>He expressed that he was relieved that the burden was removed from our family and that we as a couple could grow even closer without that "dirtiness" lingering in the air.<p>I told him I was a little disappointed that he wasn't more "joyous" like me. And he said that he was actually tickeled for me. He knew how much it distressed me and it made him feel good inside that I was released from that personal hell.<p>Personally I feel like he's going through that guilt thing again. This revelation has brought all those feelings back. I think he realizes how close he came to loosing me over something that wasn't true. <p>He did get on the phone and share the news with his parents right away. They are all so excited too. All of them have given me special hugs and kisses when I've seen them since the news.<p>I really didn't know how to read him right after. It worried me at first. Then I remembered that one of the problems with our marriage pre-affair was that I dug too deep and didn't just accept things at their face value. I always wanted more explanations, more discussions, more details and being the testosterone filled being he is ... that's not his nature. If he tells you he's o.k. with something, leave it at that. In about a few months, out of the clear blue sky, he'll tell me more about what he was feeling ... once he's dealt with those feelings on his own. <p>That's the beauty of a recovered marriage. You really learn what makes your spouse tick and how you can alter your behaviour to compliment theirs. I don't need to know each and every detail of how he's feeling about this whole mess. All I need to know right now is that he's happy and relieved ... deeper more profound thoughts will come from him on his own time. That's just his nature. And I'm o.k. with that.<p>Now as far as me leaving the board.. Seems like ya'll have booted me off! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I'm not going anywhere unless ya'll ask me to leave. I feel like I have a lot to contribute to newbies and oldies alike. I have gone through hell in the last 1.5 years and can still share how we made it through the fire as a stronger more secure couple. And if anyone will listen ... I will share. Some people may not take me as serious now that we don't have an OC, but I do know how we rebuilt our marriage with the shadow of OW/OC in our lives. That's got to speak for something... right?<p>So until I piss everyone off, ya'll are stuck with this Georgia Peach.<p>Thanks again for all the well wishes, I love you all,
Z.
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I am glad to know that you are not leaving us!<p>I always look forward to your posts...<p>Again Z, I am so happy for you... if even a little envious! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>((HUGS))
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Zebrababy<p>I just couldn't sit on my hands any longer. I had to let you know how happy I am for you and your husband. This is the best news I have heard in a long time and literally has made my week. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So here's some big [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
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Just an idea and a thought for the record, if OW is a loose woman and sleeping around with a bunch of different guys, I can see how easy it would be for her to not be certain exactly who the father of the baby is/was. She probably wanted zebrababy's husband to be the one because he was the best man of the many she had to choose from, a family man, etc...<p>I'm glad you are able to resolve the money issue because even tho it was only 150.00/mo, it was money that could have been spent on your kids! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] You are definitely kindhearted not to ask for the money back that technically OW owes you--like flowerseed said--I agree that OW owes your family that money back!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] OW should be very extremely grateful to you guys...<p>I hope people are taking notes who might be paying regular CS without proof! The $$ spent on DNA results is definitely worth it compared to hundreds of dollars over several months or years that could be coming out of your family budget!<p>I'm relieved for you & for your H, zb... Your husband just has many, many emotions to deal with. Your main goal and objective was to scratch OW out of your lives forever and this will definitely take care of that for you! Your H had accepted the role of being a father to the baby OC and now he has to adjust back to his own family before all this drama entered the scene. That is quite a lot to adjust to!!! He might be feeling bad about all the time and attention that was diverted from his family dealing with all the OC issues. What a story you have!<p>& I wonder what kind of looks you got at that grocery store! I would have loved to be a bug on the wall during that phone conversation! Praise God, girl! I know you are praising Him... Wow.<p>BIG SIGHS OF RELIEF! (& happy dances too!) [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>OH and prayers for the OW/OC too, that they find peace and all God's best for them...
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Hey Z,<p>I just wanted to also say that I am happy that you aren't leaving the boards! Like you stated, you did live the he!! for 1.5 yrs, and can understand the pain, frustration, fear, anger......that is associated with dealing with the OC/OW! You will always have something to offer everyone here! I am so happy for you and Jules! <p>Love,<p>Tigger
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Z,<p>You better not leave. You have a lot to contribute to newbies and some of us not so newbies. ;o) <p>You forgot to tell us what exBF OW reaction was. I'm wondering what the hoe had to say. (I know that seems harsh to some of you but Z and I talk behind the scenes and she deserves that title.) <p>I'm looking forward to talking to ya soon.<p>Tee<p>PS-OB1 your post cracked me up.
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Dear Zebrababy, <p>I haven't lurk or post this past couple of days. <p>Today when I saw your post I couldn't believe it. <p>CONGRATULATIONS!!!! <p>
Mina
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Mina!<p>Look at you. Wow! I can't believe that you were able to offer support to ZB when you are going through such a horrible time yourself.<p>I hope that you are doing a little bit better. Why not start another thread and let us know how you are doing.<p>ZB, still waiting for the gory details. <p>MJ
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Mary Janes,<p>Are you referring to the gory details about H's response? If so, those are on page two of this thread.<p>Or are you referring to gory details of Best Friend - OW (whom he had the emotional affair with)? <p>Well, that was a trip. I saw her online and decided to send her an instant message telling her of the DNA results. Her reaction was really weird.<p>She had major attitude then accused me of gloating. I told her I thought that since she cared so much about us (like she claimed to care so much about us as a couple!), and that H was a true friend she would want to know about a major milestone in our lives! She went off on me saying that H told her they couldn't be friends and she needed to stop caring about her, and she was doing just that.<p>She seemed almost disappointed that something good happened for H and I. <p>Then she proceeded to tell me to "watch my back". I rocked with laughter. Look whose giving me marital advice!<p>Then .. to top it off. She calls H the next day to tell him I im'd her and twisted it to say I was gloating and harassing her. Little did she know I had already told H all about the convo and offered to let him read the copied transcript. <p>Like a good husband should, he defended me and told her that I (and he) were just happy and relieved and wanted to share that with her. And that I wasn't gloating at all. <p>She is a real piece of work. Sounded a little pissy that we are happy. Oh well, another "bitter" OW! (do I need to write a disclaimer about that word?)<p>gotta run,
Z.
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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!<p>I am sooooooooo happy for you!!!!!!!!! I am catching up on threads since I am in PA visiting my relatives and your thread just made my day...I'm rejoicing with you!<p>God bless you and your family and keep in touch, ok???<p>Hugs, Twiisty and Mr. "T" (who sends his congrats to y'all too!)
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Z ..... sorry I havent been reading the boards enough to see your post until now, but CONGRATS!!!! I am so happy for you and your hubby!! What wonderful news!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Thank you Ann and Twiisty,
I appreciate your warm words. Somedays I'm driving down the street or cleaning the tub, or taking a shower and I think to myself, "damn I'm blessed!"
Hugs to you both,
Z.
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You know, Z...I believe you are needed here more than ever because you can offer hope to others that sometimes, albiet rarely, the DNA results can come back negative.
Some might say this is ofering false hope with good results unlikely, but at the same time, I would have loved hearing that occasionally a small minority get a Get Out Of Jail Free Card. You did. And I can't think of anyone more deserving, except perhaps ME! Hahaha
Z, I truly am very, very happy for you...and I am doing the Happy Dance for you.
Love
Catnip =^^=
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Ah Cat, you got me purring as you rub me between my ears.
I couldn't imagine leaving this place. Everytime I think of someone showing up and no one "recovered" is here to great them I get sad.
I think about all the marriages that survived and the oldies that were quick to share about their journey. I want to make sure that tradition stays alive!
I would rather be an inspiration of recovery, because either way, DNA positive or negative, you can get through it with a recovered marriage.
A recovered marriage is far more important than any test result!
Z.
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