I have only been married for 11 months now and my wife has told me on several occasions that she hates me. Not only does she not like me for some reason, she states that she hates our home, and her life in it! I am quite confused by all of this. I make enough for her to stay home and take care of our beautiful daughter who is 6 months old. The house has just been refinished with several upgrades (except kitchen) and she has a brand new explorer SUV. Just this morning she said something about a divorce, which I was not really happy to hear. I don’t want to travel down that road, but do want to live like this either. Please help!

Since your marriage is so new and you have a 6 mth old, I think your wife may be feeling overwhelmed or lost. (It is really easy for us women to get lost in our family.)

I think you should have a long serious talk with her about why she is so unhappy. Ask her if she would go to a councelor, marriage and/or individual, to get to the bottom of your real problems. Print out the Emotional Needs questionaire and have her fill one out so both of you can see what is possibly missing for her. You should fill one out also.

You should look on this site for the Love Busters section and avoid all of them since she is apparently already dealing with a lot of negativity from somewhere in her self. Just try to be a positive force for her and give her a safe place to come to. Maybe look at Plan A.

Hope this helps.

Scuba, please consider that your wife is suffering from post partum deppression. It would be important to rule this out before you go any further. Here is some basic information that will help you identify the signs of PPD. If this sounds about right, check out this link , it contains support for sufferers as well as resources for fathers. There is a discussion forum as well which may be helpful, I'd take a look. PPD can continue for up to a year and is very disruptive to a happy home life. She needs to see her OB/GYN about this.

I'd suggest you do as much research on your own first, and broach the subject carefully to your wife. The odd thing is that PPD sufferers usually don't realize how or why they are behaving the way they are, they are just in PAIN when they know they should be at their happiest. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Regardless of PPD issues, this site is a valuable resourse for YOU to be the best husband you can be. I hope you have had a chance to read over the basic concepts , they will help you build a healthy, happy relationship. understanding the concept of Love Busters will also help you to bring up the neccesity of a visit to the OB in a way that will not send her into defensive mode. Let me know if any of this rings a bell with you, ok? KB

Thanks for the advice. I have looked into the PPD posibility and have suggested that to her. It went over like a lead ballon. I have also tried to talk to her several times with no success. She does not like to talk seriously for some reason and that has a lot to do with our problems. I suggested counselling this morning after I posted my first message and that was shot full of holes with a quick response. So now here I sit typing to the forum, while she sits in the living room watching TV with our daughter. If she does not want to put effort forward, how will we ever succeed. Becuase I am willing to try new approaches, but I will not be treated like crap in the process.

First thing Monday morning call her Dr. If nothng else YOU go in and talk to them about whats going on. PPD can be an odd beast. It is fairly common to some extent, just some suffer worse then others. I think at this point in time that needs to be ruled out before any other decisions are made.

Her response is not surprising actually. I would say the next step is to speak with her OB about your concerns and see if you can get some practical help. I would be extremely surprised if she were NOT overwhelmed and depressed given her statements to you.

A SAHM with a new baby, (especially if she is one newly out of the job force) needs a lot of support. Does she have any support system? In our area, there are groups especially for new moms. Check the local hospitals, sometimes they sponsor these, or ask the OB. Baby magazines usually have that info also.

Friendships with other women tend to change quite a bit when a baby arrives on the scene. A change from career to stay at home status also throws a wrench in friendships based on common work interests. One of the challenges for a new mom is to build new relationships with other new moms. Has this been possible for your wife?

On your end, I'd suggest that as well as continuing on this site, you check out the father's resourses in that PPD support forum link I gave you. whether she wants to agree that she has PPD or not is beside the point, you are dealing with a new mom who hates her life and mostly everything in it. Not the woman you married, right?

So arm yourself with information as you can,be proactive, find out what YOU can do to ease this situation. One of the interesting things about MB is that most people eventually do understand that the ONLY behavior they can change is their OWN. No, you do not have to continue to be treated like crap, but if your wife is not healthy right now there are some steps you can take to make life a little easier for both of you. You've got some "homework" to do now, Scuba. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Start reading, reading, reading and call the OB on Monday, okay? KB

BTW, Have you read about the Policy of Undivided Attention? this means spending a minimum of fifteen hours per week meeting each other's emotional needs. It's supposed to be fun stuff! Harley talkes about the effect of children on a marriage, you should read here if you haven't already.

scubadiver,

Is her being a stay at home mom her idea, or yours?

yes, it's great that you can afford for her to do that--but she may not want to stay home--and if she did at first--she may have decided it's not really want she wants--

She might actually miss working and being out in the world having a life away from the home front--

And with that--it doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy staying home on some level--but some women don't do well cooped up at home all day taking care of children--

She may be afraid that you'll be disappointed or that others will look down on her for not staying home--but if she's not happy--that could be part of the problem--especially if she's used to working full-time--

So it's not always PPD--it could be she just isn't happy staying home all day caring for a baby, cleaning house--with no real time for herself--a baby takes all of your time--and then you come home and want to spend time with her
she's probably overwhelmed with being 'needed' when she wants to have someone be there for her sometime---someone she can lean on who doesn't want something from her--

When was the last time the two of you went on a date?? Where she could relax and have fun??