OC due 8.25.02. She says & H believes, he is only person she was with at the time of conception. She says she is 100% sure he is father. Should we have DNA tests anyway. She says she only want CS,that how conceived is not oc's fault and oc deserves to be taken care of. We do plan to pay cs ( we'd rather do this privately & not get court involved. How do they determine what father pays? Is it better to go through court, DHS, or privately?). She welcomes contact between oc & "us" if we want it. She is divorced with 2 oc. She wants my H name on BC (because "child" deserves to know who father is), but we don't, because we don't really want the news to get out about A & oc at the hosp( not yet anyway). They both work in hospital (different departments) where she will deliver. (we do plan for her to know who father is at somepoint)She says she has told noone who father is and doesn't plan to, but for oc's sake wants his name listed as father. Do you think people at hosp will find out if she puts name on BC, or is it filled out later. I don't remember.<p>I finally got to talk to her on the phone the other night. She seems real nice and doesn't want to hurt me or my family. She & H are very remorseful over whole situation. She has an 8 & 10 year old. We have 6,12,&16 year old. She lives about 50 miles away. She & H live about 25 miles from hosp in opposite directions. <p>We really can't decide whether we want contact. I have forgiven them both & H & I have worked through A and want to do what is best for oc & our family. I hate for her to grow up & not know her father. Is it better for my kids to know their sibling or not know of her existance. I would treat oc as my own, teach my kids that we must forgive, and I'm hopeful that they would love her and forgive their father as I have.<p>Any advice???

Hello,
I would still get the DNA done. YOu never know. <p>
Dawn<p>[ June 22, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

I agree with Dawn...you need to have paternity established, just read the recent posts where in OC was indeed not the WS's.<p>As far as the filing of the B Cert. that may be done at the hospital or most states allow a grace period,it's 2 weeks here before you have to file it.

Butterfly,<p>I just want to stress the importance of you having that DNA before you sign or pay a thing!!!<p>OW in our case and zebrababy was "100% sure" too. But can you honestly say you trust what this woman says?? Please take the test, you don't have to get the courts involved to do this.<p>Take care and please consider all of your options.<p>Hugs
Jules

butterflybonanza,<p>I also agree that you definitely should have the DNA tested.<p>The testing for DNA is cheaper through the court system, but if you have it done privately be sure to have a reputable company to do the testing.<p>To find out how your state determines CS do some checking on the internet. Each state has its own guidelines for determining child support.
You can generally can find some information through any search engine by putting in the state and "determining child support."<p>
If you, H and exOW keep the best interest of the child as your main focus in dealing with contact, then it is possible to do so without too much trouble. But, when the exOW uses the child as a pawn or bargaining chip to gain access to your H that is where you will wind up with trouble. <p>Be sure that you and H do a POJA before deciding what to do about all of this.
I really wish I had learned of the MB principals before we had established DNA and contact. <p>My prayers are with you!

BB,
WHAT if you give her X amount a dollars per month and five years from now, you find out.. the child isnt H. What then ? If every one is so sure, why dont you just say, it is for your peace of mind. Tell them to humor you and have it done any way.. The chances are there that this is not your Husbands child. <p> What if your children bond and then she comes and says oops sorry baby isnt yours and the children lose a sibling. <p> There a million reasons to have DNA DONE.

Dear Butterfly,<p>I completely agree with everyone on DNA testing. Before you and your H agree to anything or spend any money on the OC, you should be sure it is his.<p>As for birth certificate, the laws differ from state to state. Most states require the father's approval to place name on birth certificate if the two are not married. But there is no need to rush into this either -- the name can be added once paternity is established.<p>For now, I would let her handle things solo until it is confirmed that your H is the father. Also, beware of the OW asking your H to be with her at the birth. The birthing experience is for bonding between the couple, not the child. The child will never know who was or was not at their birth. The OW does not need to bond anymore with your H than she already has, so try to get him to avoid the birth at any cost.<p>Good luck. You are in my prayers.
love,
heavenly