Hi, I need some support. About 2 and a half years ago my H had a one night stand while I was out of town. Our marriage was failing anyway but I decided to try work it out. He told me then that the OW said she was pregnant (dates did not match up) and then a week later she said she misscarried. My H had contacts at the hospital who verifed the misscarriage and that is part of the reason I stayed. Anyway we had a hard time but we fell back in love and had our second child (we alerady had a 2 year old when he messed around) Thngs have been going really well but 3 days ago someone called him and said a girl (matching OW description) was asking for him and she had a baby with her. He tried to call her but number was old and been disconnected. THis has set me back big time!! I am terrified. I told him not to pursue it, it may not even be her. THe other thing is the deed happened at my house so she knows where he lives so it would not be hard to contact him. I feel so much pain right now, its as if I just found out. My hubby is so afraid I am going to leave, he begged me to stay last night. To be honest if this is the OW I dont know if I have the strength to get through it. WE have been very close over the last 2 years and I really felt like the affair saved our marriage..........now this!!! Help!!!

knjl,

I have to agree with you your H shouldn't pursue this. Even if it's exOW since your H verifed she had a miscarraige I doubt it's your husbands child. You said she had a one night stand with your H. If she willing to have a ONS with a MM she'd do it again. If it was your H's child she would have contacted you guys by now. She'd want him to pay CS.

It I was you I would wait until exOW contacts your H before stressing yorself over a maybe. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation dealing with an affair is tough enough without worry about a child. Good luck my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Unsure

Thanks for your post.. I guess all the feeling of hurt just flooded back. I know when I think logically at the facts about her and a misscarriage and that the dates never matched anyway it should seem that its impossible,its just when the heart is involved there is always ilogical reasoning. I am always worried about possiblities, and what if's. I am so stressed as I am a full time student and overloaded with classes this summer (something I did after the affair to gain control of my life back!) I just feel like their is a huge hole in my heart and I am so angry that my H did this to me! I think its making me feel better reading that I am not alone! Thank you

I understand how you feel we all have Triggers. I just posted a vent today I had one too. And it's hard no matter how long you've been in recovery you always get the anger when something new pops up. After a while you learn to ignore it look at the situation in way that so you are not as angry anymore. Take care and enjoy going to school I hope to start again in Sept.

Unsure

knjl,

Welcome. I hate to have to welcome you, but am glad you found us. It makes me sad to know there is yet another troubled heart out there.

I just wanted to give you some encouragement to not feel bad about being upset. Triggers have a way of bring back the pain we have covered up with happiness.

We all have them. Even in the best marriages we can still reflect on a bad time and feel that same pain. Often as fresh as d-day. But once you do after you recognize that pain is what makes the difference.

You make a choice to dwell, or let it go. As time goes on, I'm getting better and better at letting it go.

Good luck, keep posting,
Z.

Well at least it sounds like your H is indeed remorseful and really wants your love and forgiveness and to save his family. It sounds like you are your H's priority and that is soooo good. You can read over on General Questions II and see just how many, many wayward spouses are unrepentant and not remorseful and unwilling to end their affairs and putting their betrayed spouses through so much torment! So really, you are truly blessed in that respect...

Still, it is so unfair that you should be experiencing all the trauma and worrisome thoughts over someone that was just a fling and a one-time physical affair. Maybe it is because of the possibility of never "getting rid" of her due to a possible existence of a child. Maybe you can pray and ask God to help you deal with all the what-ifs since HE is really the only one who knows the answers? And wait til you know for sure when the time is right for you to know. God will protect you.

I believe the reason why we don't always know the answers is God's way of protecting us from further pain because He KNOWS we are not strong enough to handle the whole story if we really got the answers we so crave, you know? So just trust Him with all this unknown territory and focus on your daily tasks--loving your H, forgiving him, caring for your kids, working on your education. You have so much good to think about considering everything that has happened.

So what if OW resurfaces? Your marriage sounds like it is intact and can withstand whatever comes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> HUGS to you!

Thank you all so much for your positive support. It is definately helping me control my emotions. After reading your posts I can see many blessings, so thank you all so much. I have not heard anything yet and I am praying that nothing will materialize. I have to say this board is wonderful because I cant talk to my friends because those who know are very judgmental towards my husband and tell me what a dog he is, and I have come so far that I wont tolerate that. After all , we have all made mistakes, maybe not as big as his but I have worked hard at getting where I am and dont nedd negative comments. Thanks a ton!!!!!