Today my baby had to have four of her front teeth removed. She's only two but she has a bunch of food allergies and her teeth really suffered because of lack of calcium. She can't eat cheese, yogurt or any milk products. So she gets her calcium through Tums (the antacid medicine).

Anyway H couldn't come to the dentist with me because of all the days he had to take off from work because of exOW subpoenaing him for this thing or another. All of you who know my story know I am very strong but when it comes to my kids I'm such a weakling. They had to sedate her and give her gas they tried to save the teeth but couldn't. Whenever she cried I cried I couldn't stay in the room, my mother had to stay in the room with her. She looked so tiny on that big table. They weighed her before sedating her she was only 22lbs with her clothes and shoes on. They also had her hooked to a heart monitor, blood pressure machine and of course she had the gas mask over her little nose. This of course terrified me more.

Throughout this entire process I tried calling H of course I couldn't reach him. After it was all done he calls to make sure everything is o.k. and tells me his cell phone battery is dead. I almost love busted BIG TIME. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> He told me he tried getting off but his cover guy was sick. This made me feel better, because I didn’t ask him to be there. I knew they were giving him a hard time about taking days off. He knows he's the strong one when it comes to the kids being sick or ill.

To make matters worse exOW she tried to have H served again Saturday but he was out of town. The court sent us a letter Sat afternoon saying he had court date scheduled for July 11. So after that going through all that crap alone I had to call the lawyers office this morning and find out if H would have to take another day off of work to deal with her BS. Our attorney told me she was suppose to serve him 12 days prior to the court date so H shouldn't have to take the day off from work. I get so sick and tired of dealing with this crap sometimes. I hate that my H couldn't be with me because of her antics. Then I want to get pissed at him again for putting us in this mess. I mean he pays his CS on time has no arrearage has OC on his health insurance. What more does she wants? She claims she paying someone $250 a week $13,000 a year to come to her mothers house and baby sit OC. Yeah right that’s almost half her pay. Of course she won’t provide us with any proof. Which is all we ask for three members of support enforcement told us to get proof before paying anything. Prior to this she told us her mother did not work and babysat OC. Whatever! If any of you have dealt with the child care issue please provide me with any information you might have that would help us in court.

Next month we will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary I can truly honestly say I'm happy and in love again. But I hate the fact that my life has to alter because he used up all his personal days going to court because of OC. And all of the court issues were initiated by exOW. Anyway I know this is petty but I needed to get this off my chest and none of my chat buddies were on.

Thanks for listening.

Unsure

PS-After the procedure was done my D was "drunk" you had to see her it was like watching a comedy skit. She wanted to walk; of course her legs won't hold her up. So she looks at the dentist who just said, "whatever you do don't let her walk she'll fall down and injure herself." And hold her finger up and slurringly say's in her two year old voice, "I said I want to walk NOW!" It's was like stopping a drunk from driving. She kept telling me and my mother to let her walk until she finally passed out in her car seat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 12, 2002, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: CMiranda ]</small>

unsure,
I am so sorry you have had such a difficult time. Glad your D is ok.

I wanted to ask about the CS, I have been looking at day cares this week, Now I dont live in a metropolis, so average size town, we have a mall but I do most of my shopping in houston or corpus. so cost may be different where you live.
any way,, the day cares I have looked at charge any where from 78 a week to 125, and same with some homes,
Now she could have her mother charging that much, but I would bet she is not claiming taxes on it.
My guess is it is just a way to get more money.
My teens baby sit and get 20 dollars a day

DO you pay child support and day care expenses!?

I WOULDNT GIVE HER ANYTHIGN MORE WITH OUT PROOF.
ok ,I am not a chat buddy, but I do feel for you and wish you the best, and i am sorry this is causing you grief.
It will work out, just because she wants to go to court doesnt mean she is getting any thing,
one last thought.
what if you went to a dozen day cares and home providers and show the court what the average expense was in your area.
Have a better day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 01, 2002, 02:33 PM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

Thank you both for responding! I'm feeling alot better so is the baby.

CM-I reread my post at the end it did sound like I was blaming OC. I don't I haven't posted in a while. I was one of the few BS's that post here that encouraged contact. I even paid part of my H legal fees out of my PERSONAL account. I've held and played with that little girl she's a cute innocent child. Her mother on the other hand is crazy and can't move forward with her life. If she handled this like a woman and was cival, my H would still be a part of OC life without a complaint from me. She's filed 8 to 10 different motions on my H all bogus and never panned out except CS we started paying a little more. As for him getting ticked off at her he hates her and to him she's the biggest mistake of his life his words. She's preventing him from being a father to OC becasue she doesn't want OC to come to our house. And at this point H gave up and I can honestly say a load was lifted off my shoulders. I never pressured him to end contact even though I thought it was best he did it himself.

MO5-We pay CS in the amount of $107 a week and we were ordered to pay 47% of unreinbursed medical and 47% of OC's child care costs. She orignally told us she was paying CC 9/13/01 and we wrote back asking for proof as of yet we have never received any. In my area child care ranges form $100 to $150 a week. Our attorney advised me to get 3 or 4 qoutes from different CC providers. I'll get as many as I can. I don't think her mom knows she saying she's paying $250.00 a week. If a judge awards any CC we will be giving her babysitter a 1099-G form. I was told you can give it to anyone that provides a service and they must report this income to the IRS.

If my H was a deadbeat who wasn't paying any support then I can understand her taking him back and forth to court but as soon as the DNA test results came in and that was when OC was a month and a half. He started paying support. Actually she went throught the state to get support so H didn't start paying until OC was 3 months old he had to wait for the court order. What pisses me off the most is that her other 3 kids fathers do not pay any support at all they owe her this huge arrearge and the amount they have to pay is almost equal to what my H pays for one child. You would think she would be happy witht he fact that my H at least supports his child and wanted to be in her life but I geuss not.

Thanks to both of you again for yor support.

Unsure

Hey sweetie,

Vent away! That's what we are here for. We love to vent block for your hubby. Saves both of ya'll a lot of heartache.

Now as for the calcium. I HATE milk and yogurt. and when I was preggo I had to really up my calcium intake and cheese would only stop me up (witht that iron i'd never go potty!). So I drank bottled water with calcium and orange juice with calcium. You could also make cool aid or juice from concentrate with the calcium enriched water. And popsicles with the calcium juice or kool-aid. Also can make jello with that water.

And if I'm not mistaken they make a chocolate for senior women to help prevent osteoperosis. Check with your dr. and see if she can have those.

I hope some of those ideas helped. Glad to hear she was o.k.

My son had surgery on his eyes when he was four. I was a wreck so I know where you are coming from. He was a trip when the meds started to take affect. He was looking at his hand like an acid junkie flipping it from side to side and saying "whoa". When I kissed him goodbye as the rolled him to the O.R. I said I love you and he replied in his sluggish drunk voice: "I looooove yooooooooou toooooooo!"

You just reminded me of an OW story with regards to that surgury. Unbeknownst to me that was smack dab in the middle of H's affair. When we got home from the surgery that night there was a gift bag for my son on the front porch. No card no nothing. I assumed it was from a relative or neighbor and never thought much of it. Months later I found out it was from OW. I immediately threw away ALL the toys that were in it.

Love ya,
Z.

unsure
I hope you didnt take my question about support as thinking your husband didnt pay, I knew he did, I just wasnt sure if he was responsible for the amount she said it took for day care expenses as well. thats all..I am new to all this support stuff as I havent had to deal with it before. Hope I didnt hurt your feelings. I do understand your frustration. I think if that child care is costing that much money, is a little crazy and I am sure she could find qualified care for less.

here is something that most don't know. I just finished a nutrition class. (one of the few things I retained from this class)My nutrition instructor told us that:

You need acid for calcium absorbption, so a antacid is neutralizing the acid and the calcium is not being absorbed. Most Dr.s don't know this, they don't get much in training on nutrition. I would consult a nutritionist to see how you get get Calcium in your baby. Not a dietician but a Nutritionist. Check to see if you insurance will cover this. Especially if it could be a preventative.

CM-I forgot to thank you for sharing your story about your son. She mostly drinks calcium enriched drinks but it's hard to find sugar free calcium enriched drinks. If you know of any please let me know. She's not a big O.J. drinker.

Z-Thanks for the suggestions and making me feel better about the other feelings I was having. If I don't chat with you again tonight because you’re busy I'll talk to you soon.

MO5-I didn't get upset or offended after answering your questions I just continued to vent. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It wasn't anything you said. Yes H has to pay both. And you are right she can find something more reasonable. I can assure you she's not paying a dime for CC her mother watches her other kids too. She's just pissed at H and wants to embezzle as much money as she can. If she was paying CC she wouldn't have let it go this long without providing proof. We've dealt with her in court before and she keeps proof of everything!

SWH-You are right I go to a naturalist doctor and she did tell me to take calcium with folic acid (I think it was folic acid) that’s why she wasn't getting the necessary calcium. I will take her to a Nutritionists. I don't want her to go this again.

Thanks again for you support all.

Unsure

Duplicate post

<small>[ July 02, 2002, 09:42 AM: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]</small>

Hey Unsure!

WARNING: This will sound weird, but just stick with me, okay?!

Well, all I can say is that you would have LOVED having ME as your xOW because we went to court once and once only. The court date was when OC was 5. Paternity testing was handled through the court before any CS would be awarded, and our appointments to have blood drawn was handled on a separate day from MM. Our CS amount was much less than yours, there was no visitation and we left MM's family A-L-O-N-E... *sigh*

Your OC's mom sounds like she is SO obsessed with your H. What a trip!! You cannot regain dignity where you tossed it, you just have to move on to new territory and try to obtain it there! You know? It just seems like she is demanding respect from your end and it just ain't gonna happen!!! She sounds like she just needs your prayers to be able to move on with her life and find some happiness and a new man, namely Jesus first, then a nice man to love her and OC. She seems to me like she just won't accept that your H loves and wants you and not her anymore. Doesn't it seem that way to you???

Now, to address your issues. I'm feeling you on the intervention your daughter recently endured. I have special needs twins and have to deal with many of their appointments, surgeries, and tests alone due to my H's work and because I'm on night shift so I could be the one to handle their appointments, etc...

But you know, the kids are really troopers and they bounce back from stuff so quickly! It's amazing the amount of God's grace that has been given to our children to survive their childhood!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have an idea on how you can still give your daughter the sugary calcium juices--dilute them with water! Make sure that you have the amount of juice she needs measured out, then dilute with equal amounts of water. Then just make sure she drinks all of it during the day. This way, she will get her water and the juice AND her daily requirement for calcium. She will probably notice the difference in the taste, but because she is only 2, you can train her to get used to the taste. Try it?!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You are right I would have loved you as the exOW in my case.

"Your OC's mom sounds like she is SO obsessed with your H. What a trip!! You cannot regain dignity where you tossed it, you just have to move on to new territory and try to obtain it there! You know? It just seems like she is demanding respect from your end and it just ain't gonna happen!!! She sounds like she just needs your prayers to be able to move on with her life and find some happiness and a new man, namely Jesus first, then a nice man to love her and OC. She seems to me like she just won't accept that your H loves and wants you and not her anymore. Doesn't it seem that way to you???"

It’s funny after all the crap I went through yesterday my best friend called me and she told me an aquatints of both of ours work's with exOW. And before they could finish saying hi she launched into the story. Of course I'm the crazy deranged one in her version. Then she looks at this mutual aquatint and looked for her support. This person knew about my H affair but she didn't know about OC. She was shocked to find out about OC and disgusted at the fact exOW gave her the same name as my D. She basically said OC was cute and ignored the rest and left ASAP! I just laughed I don't care who knows anymore. I did nothing to be ashamed of my H did and now he's paying the consequences.

I have never seen someone so obsessed with a man. Darn I had him and he's not that good, to make you become obsessed! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> j/k My H could walk up to her spit in her face and she would say he's such a good guy. You want to know what's funny I would have NEVER been exOW friend (we spoke pre-affair and she knew we were married.) but I would have been civil with her. Would she have ever gained my respect maybe it's earned. I might have respected the way she handled this situation or maybe thought she was a good mom...etc. Of course now her actions have made me not even respect the fact that she's a woman. It embarrasses me that women in this day and age really have that Jerry Springer mentality. Let get on stage and pull each others hair out over a man.

BTDT I actually try to pray for her as much as possible and it took me along time to do that. The bible says pray for your enemies to repent and turn around. I've been doing that. There are and was a lot of things I could do to her to be revengeful but I didn't. Again I heeded the bible counsel where God says let vengeance be mine. And we both know that's hard when someone does something wrong to you want to lash out and strike back. I've earned my families respect. Everyone who knows me knows I used to have a terrible temper that was explosive! Now that I've dedicated myself and life to God I'm happy and able to control it by applying bible principals to my life.

When it's all said and done I'm happy. My OS is now adjusting well and looking forward to Jr. HS in September. Thank You for posting I always enjoy the reading the wisdom of your posts.

I will try the juice thing today and see how it goes. I know it will take a few days for her to get used to it but it’s worth it. And you are right my D bounced back was outside playing with all her gums showing as if nothing was ever wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Unsure

First of all, let me say that I had a good laugh (out loud) regarding your little baby running around all toothless, playful, and happy. Too cute! See? I told you!? They are really gifted with grace these little ones, when challenges arise. Today is a new day and she is ready to play! How sweet! God is good how He takes the edge off those difficult procedures. The children seem to quickly forget all the trauma that we adults tend to memorialize!!!

This is why I say for BS's not to worry so much about how OC's will turn out, you know, if they will be all damaged or what if they decide on no contact. Prayer is so effective! I know someone prayed for me in my dark state of mind. And I am so thankful they did.

You know you have fully recovered from an affair when you can laugh about whether or not you would have wanted someone like ME as an xOW!?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You know what I mean? It just sounds so ridiculous. (I'm not trying to make light of anyone's pain and I apologize if that sounded insensitive. I'm not trying to be insensitive. My prayer is for everyone to get through this infidelity mess on top.)

But UNSure, I must take back what I said and change my mind. I don't think the xOW is obsessed with your H--I THINK SHE IS OBSESSED WITH YOU--she wants your life! She wants to be you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That's what it sounds like to me as I picture your previous post unfolding... And remember how she couldn't take her focus off of you in that courtroom? Seemed a bit odd then, but now that you say this, it sort of makes sense to me why...

Still, I believe that through your prayers, she will move on to have a life all her own and not need to "be you" so strongly. She needs to let go of you guys and get on with her life I will be praying and agreeing for that very thing. That xOW would let go of this obsession now, in Jesus' Name, and get herself a new life with her own identity and purpose in Christ and find true peace.

I'm so glad your daughter is feeling fine.

<small>[ July 03, 2002, 03:26 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:
<strong>First of all, let me say that I had a good laugh (out loud) regarding your little baby running around all toothless, playful, and happy. Too cute! See? I told you!?.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know you are right she's doing everything again. Including eating everything that I thought she wouldn't be able too. It's funny how she knows to bite with her side teeth instead of her front teeth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:
<strong> You know you have fully recovered from an affair when you can laugh about whether or not you would have wanted someone like ME as an xOW!?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You know what I mean? It just sounds so ridiculous. (I'm not trying to make light of anyone's pain and I apologize if that sounded insensitive. I'm not trying to be insensitive. My prayer is for everyone to get through this infidelity mess on top.).</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I try to see the humor in every situation if not my old temper will surface. I've been able to joke about a lot of things that's happened to me these last two years. I don't do it here often because of the newbie’s and people that aren't as far into their recovery. Those who I chat with know I had a ball with the fact she questioned MY baby's paternity! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> My husband finally had to say enough already.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:
<strong>
But UNSure, I must take back what I said and change my mind. I don't think the xOW is obsessed with your H--I THINK SHE IS OBSESSED WITH YOU--she wants your life! She wants to be you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That's what it sounds like to me as I picture your previous post unfolding... And remember how she couldn't take her focus off of you in that courtroom? Seemed a bit odd then, but now that you say this, it sort of makes sense to me why....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that she wanted my H and probably wanted to be his wife. Does she want to be me I never thought about it? My Mom and my MIL both feel the same way as you do though. If she is obsessed with me that explains why she feels the need to tell everybody the story and paint me as the bad guy. I just thought she did that to make herself feel better about what she did. She was not an OW who didn't know she was with a married man she knew and pursued. But as you know from reading my posts I still blame my H more than her for the affair. I blame her for her actions after the affair.

After doing some thinking I guess her actions do make sense. She told me I thought I was superior to her. She never bashes my H in court she only bashes me and the entire mediations sessions are always about me. That's why I've always been included in them. And if you read most court updates the wives are not allowed in the mediation room. But I honestly never thought she was obsessed with ME! Man you have given me a lot to think about. Is there even a way to handle this or a situation like this? I don't think so I guess I continue to do what I'm doing and ignore her an her actions to the best of my ability and to keep praying. I truly pray and hope she moves forward with her life. I hope she finds her a single guy that's willing to be a husband and father to her four children. I beleive that's the only way she will leave me and my family alone.

Thank you again for responding, and thinking about my baby.

Tee

Yeah... Prayer is the ONLY way... God's love, mercy, compassion and through His Holy Spirit--prayer...

You know UNSure, I worked with someone like that--who seemed like she was sort of obsessed with me. She always asked questions about me--of me and of others. She made jokes about me behind my back but smiled to my face (when I was pregnant out of wedlock with OC). She copied things about me--my makeup, my style of clothing, and if I ever said I wanted something just randomly during a conversation--she would literally go out and BUY it! She would ask me what brand is this or that and where did I buy such and such, you know? And I would tell her NOT THINKING she was headed straight out to buy the same exact thing and probably on that very day!! She would show up with whatever and I would hear the theme music to TWILIGHT ZONE playing in my head. (?)

I don't know, I just never encountered anyone like that who didn't have their own thing and it was plain weird. I think your xOW reminds me of this person. She's so busy talking about you and preoccupied with you and what you are thinking that she is completely distracted from her OWN short life that she could be enjoying!!! She's drawn to you but I believe she is really drawn to what you are carrying. She's drawn to the Lord inside of you.

This coworker was so annoying to me, but after a while, I relaxed and tried to find humor in it & would say I wanted things that I really didn't want just to see if she would go out and buy it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> So all you can really do for someone like that is pray that they get their own thing going--God can help her get some confidence to move forward and put this obsession all behind. His love is soooo huge! His love is enough!

p.s.It's SO funny to me how the kids bounce back. My youngest son had surgery on both of his legs last year. FORTUNATELY, they put knee-length casts on both of his legs instead of full-length. Do you know that I have pictures of him standing & walking around in those casts??? I was thinking that I would have to be carrying him around everywhere and whatever--NOT! He had the tendons lengthened in his legs to help him with his walking. Your little one sounds so cute, and evidently she is not in any pain either! Praise God!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I guess we all encounter people like your co-worker I had an experience with someone like that.

I will continue to pray. And hope! She claims she is a Catholic and in court she was saying she has Mass, First Communion etc... All these church events when H and judge were trying to work out a visitation schedule. Maybe she will actually take the time to read her bible and see what God has to say about her past and present actions.

I'm glad your children are doing o.k. I wanted to ask you about them I'm glad MO5 did. You seem upbeat and when ever you flip on your D remember we are all human and make mistakes. That doesn't make you not appreciate the fact that your miracle twins made it. Hormones are a real thing and they make you turn into a person you don't even know or like. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I want to ask your advice on one more thing. Within the last two weeks I have had about 6 or 7 different people come up to me or a relative and mention exOW told them about the situation etc... All except one my ex-SIL who loves to gossip said she looked and sounded stupid. They all said she was pitiful to believe a baby would help her keep a man.

The last being a former class mate of mine we went through 4 years of HS together. She saw my sister somewhere and she asked about and H. (My sister just told me this yesterday.) She then asked my S how many kids do H and I have my S told her three. She then said but doesn't H have another child my sister said yes. She then went on and on about how the Unsure she knew would have dumped H immediately and how she admired the fact that I was smart, intelligent, pretty and could get any man I wanted. She said she didn't understand why I would settle for H I was the strongest person she knew etc... My sister told her I was still the same person that my H did what it took to save his family begged, pleaded and changed his life around. She also told her Unsure did what you and everyone thought she would do she filed for a D but because she is such a strong woman she decided to do the hard thing and stay with my BIL. She also told her this was and is not an easy thing to go through but because my sister is so strong she has gotten through this and his very happy. They are celebrating their 10th anniversary next month and are very happy! I won't bore you with the rest.

But this is how I felt after hearing the conversation. I was proud of my sister and happy that she respected my choice as much as she does. (She's my younger sister and I've always been her role model and tried to help her keep her life on the right track.) Even though I felt like she shouldn't have to defend my choices but yu kow how sisters are. Then my sense of humor came in and I said, "Well I'm glad she feels the way she does about me I feel flattered." My sis and I cracked up. That broke the ice I could tell she was upset for me. That exOW ran her mouth again and that this person approached her the way she did. But inside I was stinging a little bit.

Their conversation ended with her (my old classmate) calling exOW crazy and her saying she didn't respect her and as she was listening to her she said she felt like saying you were screwing someone's husband etc.. She said as old as exOW is she couldn't understand why she would have another child trying to keep a man. exOW also made reference to the fact that she was trying to get with my H again on the side. And she asked my sister why I trusted H with her. My sister explained H decided to have NC. I truly do not care what anyone thinks about my situation and no one can tell me or you what they would have done until they walk in our shoes. I feel that everyone is allowed an opinion and then they have to accept my choices.

What has me a little upset is the fact that my H is sort of nonchalant like what do you expect from exOW. He said think about it everyone she told said she looked stupid why are you letting it get to you. I said I wasn’t but he was like yes you are I can tell. I know in a way he is right and it sorts of pisses me off. You mess with this ghetto chick and she runs around town telling everybody a bunch of lies about me and you think I should just laugh it off. Which is what I do but I feel like he shouldn't feel that way. LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Am I wrong for feeling this way? I don't know what I want from him but I guess I wanted him to be upset or something. He doesn't allow anything she does to ruffle his feathers and my outward appearance is always calm exOW to this day has and will never know that she has upset me. I ACT as if all of her actions mean nothing. Maybe my H feeds off of that I don't know.

My IC says I was allowing her to take control of my emotional feelings. That she couldn't take control of any other aspect of my life but I was allowing her to take control of my emotions. He said just because everyone else thought I was handling this great I knew how I felt in the inside. My H said something similar to me and again it pissed me off that he said it to me. I guess I get upset when he reacts appropriately. Because he's the one that got us into to this mess.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say? Hopefully you can read this mess and get my point. My God Sister told me I wasn't praying enough about this situation and that I kept taking my burdens back from God and putting them on myself. I pray and hope not. I just get upset sometimes that exOW won't leave me and my family alone. Tell me what you think.

Tee

<small>[ July 05, 2002, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]</small>

Well, UNSure, I think that the true enemy of your marriage is you know who--the enemy of GOD--since marriage is God's idea, you know?

xOW just makes his job easier by lending herself as an instrument of gossip and being a predator and trying to play a victim of her own self-inflicted misery!! Yep, that IS what a crazy person would do to herself!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Too bad you guys can't move far away. Your sister is right that you chose the difficult thing--to stay and honor your vows and work it out with YOUR man.

I think prayer takes us to a point. I think you have prayed and that's the best you can do. You know? What you are going through requires patience, endurance, forgiveness, humility--the fruit of the Spirit. We can't pray for fruit. It just has to grow as we nurture it by submitting to God when we just want to go "ghetto" on somebody's behind... (ME with my daughter sometimes, and YOU with xOW who can't keep her mouth shut.)

Sounds like xOW THRIVES on gossip. Your sister handled her most admirably! You definitely have a support system surrounding you. Was just reading a scripture in Hebrews 13:5 that described this very thing provided by the Lord!! Will share it with you...

So no, I don't think you need to pray more in the sense that this specific situation would require. xOW is going to talk, God can't stop her, YOU can't stop her, she makes herself look bad. No sense in praying about that part of it, but you CAN pray for God's will to be done in her life. MORE prayer IS better than less prayer, but as far as begging God to get her to leave you guys alone... This person has a will that not even God will override, just as your H's will to get involved with her--you know what I mean?

We pray according to God's will and then we thank God for the answer. If we beg and plead as if God is deaf, then we probably didn't believe when we prayed and can't expect to receive (James 1)... But if we pray believing and knowing that God is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him, we can go in peace and maintain composure--as you have done. You can't control xOW any more than you can control your H's actions. We can only control ourselves and allow God to change what needs to be changed about us in HIS own timing!!!

Your H is wise to ignore xOW and just consider the source. You are "triggering" when resentment attempts to build against your H for bringing this person into your lives FOREVER... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> sad, but true. Which is why you have to keep working on allowing your fruit to develop--not to let this ugly situation around you make or break you because you're living and moving and BE-ing in Christ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> GOD's spirit dictates our "mood" IF we walk in His Spirit and don't give in to our (ghetto) flesh, the old man and his old ways! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think that's what's really going on. You have forgiven. You have prayed for OW and will continue to do so. You have no resentment but you DO have to keep fighting it off DAILY through God's Spirit and His Word, etc... We have to PUT ON the new man like putting on clothes. Our clothes don't just jump out of the closet and onto our backs. We have to choose what to wear every day--just the same way, we choose to go God's way or the way of our flesh which wants to strike out when we are hurt, upset, angry, lied about.

I truly believe that if someone is out there lying on you--the devil is desperate!!! You are next in line for a promotion from God. The devil is at his wit's end, doing everything he can to try to steal from you all the progress you have made in your recovery. That's MY opinion...

Here's Hebrews 13:5 (Amplified Version):

"Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions and be satisfied with your present circumstances and with what you have for He (God) has said, 'I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor letyou down or relax My hold on you! Assuredly not!'

So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, 'The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm I will not fear or dread or be terrified. What can man (xOW) do to me?'"

(How's THAT for a support system?????) PTL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 06, 2002, 02:26 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

I typed a book and lost it I will respond later. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Tee

PS Thank you for your support I really appreciate it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />