Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for your support.

I haven't post or lurk this past couple of days.

Thank you so much Dear Gem, for that post. I do have to stop blaming God, when the only one who is guilty of this mess is my h. You describe in your post exactly how I feel. I am mad, angry and sad that this has to happen. Why did she had to have another child. Why didn't my h respect me from the moment that I took him back when I found out about the affair and oc#1 back in November 2000.

I do envy some of you my dear friends that have been able to move forward. Who's h show respect and true remorse of what they did. I feel so hurt.

My family still do not know about this. On Saturday I received a letter from my mother, asking me how am I doing. If she only knew. I haven't spoken to her in a month.

I continue to take zoloft. I haven't see any results yet. So far I feel that the medicine is not helping much. I need to be strong for my children. I also feel sad for my children they have endure so much. Very soon it will be their birthday. I don't know if you ladies remember that my children share the same birthday.

My children's birthday is in two weeks. July 15, and oc#1 July 11. Oc#1 will be two years old. This another thing that I feel so rob, the joy of celebrating my children's birthday.

mina

<small>[ July 01, 2002, 11:14 PM: Message edited by: mina29 ]</small>

Oh mina,
Hugs to you and all my heartfelt prayers! Please please please do not allow OW's existence to rob your children of the birthday celebration and attention that they deserve! I know this is a lot for you to bear, but perhaps for one day, just that one day God can help you by carrying the load of OW/OCs for you. Just roll all the burdens of this over onto Him.

Maybe now IS a good time for you to confide in your mom? Sounds to me like you need some family support while you figure out what your next step will be. That leads me to the question, how come you have not told your mom what is going on? Do you think she will overreact? Well, if that is the case, you are her daughter and I'm sure she loves you and will only be looking out for your best interests and the best interests of her grandchildren. You need someone to talk to and someone who is truly on your side no matter what you do (stay or leave your H). I think our mom's sort of fall into that category of loving us unconditionally--well, they should anyway... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Maybe the doctor can switch the meds to something that agrees with you better since it doesn't seem like the zoloft is helping you like it should be.

Thanks for taking time to give an update. Maybe you can just put this all out of your mind as a birthday gift to your boys, huh? Wouldn't that be a great gift?

Too bad we can't all come to the party and help you pretend that none of this ever happened. We might not be able to do that, but God has a way of restoring us from painful events to where the pain can't even touch us anymore. I do pray that you get to that point with minimal distress along your journey! Hang in there!

You're welcome for the post Mina.
A couple of you women and men here are dear to my heart.
I wish for your continued success at feeling better about YOU. About God too Mina.

I think it was MaryJanes who asked that the wrath of God be brought down on the people causing her so much grief. Just that you wish for peace and when it's not fast enough, you call on God to help you acheive peace in that way.

I seldom say psalm 143 any longer.
I said it over and over for well over a year on a daily basis.

Try to see if the words help you.

I would cry when it came to "I remember the days of old" (H and I pre-A)
And "For the enemy has persecuted my soul; he has crushed my life to the ground; he has made me dwell in dark places like those who have long been dead."

I would literally sob, not being able to mouth the words.

I nedded more help and tried 20 mg. of sera-fem...prozac in disguise....just a more acceptable name. I remained on it for 7 mos. When our son's wedding was close, I weaned off. Now I'm drug free but stronger.

It helped curb my highs and lows.
I felt them but not as intense.

I know nothing can help the "trigger" birthdates, go figure how THAT can happen with 365 days in a year!

There WILL be a day when the memory of those birthdays will be only for your child.
I know it won't be as sad in years to come.

Your H needs to do everything humanly possible to help you both overcome this horror he helped create.
Give it some time, Mina.

Try over and over to get a poja going on w/o coming on like a screaming lunatic. Easier said than done. He will begin to see the sweetness instead of the bitterness in you. He will remember why he married you!

If not, after a pre-determined amount of time, plan B baby.

As for your Mom. Oh! Mina. Share with her and allow her time to process everything. You need a friend. Tell her firmly you need her to listen and not judge or communication on the subject will be closed. Give her time.

Bless you sweetie.
I'll pray for you.
love
Debi

Dear Mina,

I agree completely with everything that has been said. Please see about changing your medication. If the zoloft does not work, there is something that will.

I just want to share with you my own experience of how the OC ruined an important time in my life with the hope that you will not allow the OCs to ruin your children's special day.

I suffered with infertility for a very long time and finally I was able to conceive and carry a daughter to full term. Immediately after her birth I was consumed with thoughts about the OC, who is also a girl. I tortured myself with thoughts about what the ex-OW and my H did during her pregnancy, and how he must have felt when the OC was born.

I allowed those thoughts to depress me so much that I was not even able to decide on a name for my daughter. (The ex-OW had even taken a middle name that I wanted for my daughter). When we brought our beautiful baby home, I cried all the way in the car. When we arrived at the door, I refused to go in and chose to sit in the car and cry.

My H took the baby into the house and I followed some time later. I found out many months later, while watching family movies, that my H had set up the video camera in the hallway so that he could record us bringing our baby home. The video now shows my H struggling to carry the baby and her hospital gear alone.

That video seems so sad and pathetic to me now. I ruined what should have been the happiest day in my life. That video made me promise myself that I would never shortchange my children again. They would always come first and the OC would never, ever displace their needs.

I know how hard it is and especially having two OCs in your life -- it must be so hard. But, for the sake of your children and the sake of their future memories, please try your best to enjoy their birthdays. Focus on their sweet faces, the joy you feel about being their mother, and let yourself go into that joy that children bring.

I will be praying for you. I was so glad to see you posting. Stay with us for comfort, but share your burden with someone close to you. As BTDT said, you need someone on your side.

Take good care of yourself.
love,
heavenly

Wow, heavenly,
Reading your post made me feel so sad. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> & sad for mina... But you know, at least you are not IN that video bawling and depressed with your new baby! That might have been more pitiful!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Perhaps it worked out for the best that you were off camera!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

mina, whatever you decide, you will make it. Just stop yourself from worrying because worry will only take away from you, never adding a thing. Worrying gets in the way of being able to trust God to get you through the situation. And, most of what we worry about never even happens!!! Think back!!! It's so true!!!

Sometimes it is so easy to only see what we don't have. You have some good in this situation--your boys. They are alive and well and healthy and developing normally, right? That is a tremendous blessing! Like heavenly said, she was so depressed that she couldn't see what a blessing it was to even be able to give birth to a full-term, healthy, bouncing baby! Try to see what good is there and magnify that part. Let the good things drown out all the bad things. You can do it! Thinking of you!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear Mina,

Please check in and let us know how you are doing.

BTDT, thank you for giving me a new perspective on my family video. My absence is easy to explain because it was a difficult birth and I had to stay in the hospital longer. So, we simply say that I was not well and could not carry the baby into the house.

But, it would have been a lot harder to explain a new mom with puffy eyes, red cheeks and tears streaking down her clothes! So, it all worked out for the best!

I just hope that others take note, like Mina, and never allow the OW or the OCs to destroy the happy memories they should be making with their children.

Especially Mina, since it is extra-special to have two children who share a birthday.

love,
heavenly

Heavenly,
Thank you for sharing about the video. My heart goes out to you once more.

I am soooooo glad I was able to minimize the impact A/OC had on the birth of my daughter, which came @1wk after OC. There are still unhappy memories, because that's the way it is, but I made a point of enjoying my daughter the best I could under very difficult circumstances.

Mina, kids grow up so very fast. Enjoy them to the very utmost you can now, and you will never regret that!!!

Make a choice that honors you, your children, and God. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Godbless
J

Mina, I am soooo sorry to hear that you are dealing with 2 OC. The OC and my daughter's birthday are close. OC - 11/30, my D 12-11. My H was at the hospital when OC was born (even took notes, ie. birth weight, time etc.) What comforts me during this time is planning things for my own D, you would be surprised how wrapped up you can get in planning a party or outing for your children. I pray that you find peace.

Thank you my dear friends for your concern and support. Sorry that I haven't post lately. I am trying to take things day by day, but it's very hard.

Dear Heavenly thankyou for sharing the story about the video. It was sad, but it also made me understand how I have minimize my two children. I will try to take my children out and do something special on their birthday.

It has been almost two years since the first discovery back in November 2000. I feel I have neglected my children. This mess have taken so much of my time and energy. I feel so emotionally drain and even more so now since finding about oc#2.

This mess that my h created has changed me forever. I will never have tought that h will get ow pregnant again, after all the things she did to us before moving away.

Once again thankyou for your support my dear friends.

love mina

<small>[ July 09, 2002, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: mina29 ]</small>

Double post

<small>[ July 09, 2002, 09:10 PM: Message edited by: mina29 ]</small>

Dear, dear Mina,

I was just about to get off the computer when I saw your response. I am so glad you are okay.

This experience does change you forever, but you can be a stronger and better version of yourself. I know it is so hard for you now and the news of the second OC took all of the fight out of you. But, the grief will pass. Just let it wash over you and through you. Try to focus on rebuilding yourself and finding out what you, Mina, want out of life.

Have a great time with your kids. Like Jenny said, they grow up so fast. Don't continue to minimize them. They can bring you great joy and inner peace. And they help you keep it together for their sake.

There is a new poster on the board, always worried, and her H also has two OCs. I hope that you will continue to come to MB and draw strength and advice from those who are in the same situation.

Take good care of yourself and keep posting so that we can help you and know you are okay.

love,
heavenly

Mina,

I just wanted to take a second to let you know I was thinking about you. I also want you to know that you are in my prayers.

I do hope you continue to focus on your healing and your children. The deserve a whole healthy mother, in mind, body and spirit.

Please remember that years from now you will look back on this whole situation and marvel at how you've grown. With or without your husband in the picture you will prosper! You have made it this far with your good heart and you WILL be blessed because of it.

God keeps his eye on the sparrow. And you are his sparrow!

Stay strong my friend,
Z.

Thank you for your support my dear friends.

I am trying very hard to stay strong for my children.

Dear Heavenly,

I will try to continue to post. Sometimes when I don't post for a couple of days it's because I am feeling very down, and do not have the streght. My couselor says that I tend to withdraw from people when I feel deppress. I am trying to keep my spirits up for my children's birthday coming this Monday. I am trying not to think so much that oc#1 will be two years old tomorrow, but is impossible.

Dear Zebrababy,

I do hope that someday I will be able to heal from this nightmare, and not feel so much pain. I am trying to focus on my children. I just don't want this mess to consume me again. thank you for your support.

congratulations one more time.

thank you for your support
love mina