Hello,
This is what I found about OW. She is on assistance from the state. She lost her job and she is basically on assistance. I know she is on medical assistance and food stamps. I am not sure when she filed. Yet she has not file for CS. Do you think that my H should just go file for paterinty on his own? This to me does not make sense why she did not file for CS. But i know the state will open a case. They have not yet.

Dawn

hello,
Well, my H said he won't do anything right now. He won't call her to find out anything.

Dawn

Dawn,
I am not sure but I think if someone files for assistance, they may have to file for support unless they tell them they dont know who the father is..
Have you called and asked, I am not caught up on anything, so I may not be remembering details, are you and your husband planning on being involved!? If you are your better off filing your self, but the state will most likely charge you, since you are not on assistance.

The only reason she would have to not file would be if she didnt want husband involved and was trying to avoid it.
But I would be like you, I hate suspense.

I know all this drama must be terrible to deal with, I am grateful, om and I dont have these types of aurguments and discussions, makes life alot easier.
Maybe you could research or go to the office your self if you needed more info.

Mof5,
Thanks for the reply. I did find out that if OW is on assistance that the state is suppose to automatically open a case for CS. And OW would have to coperate in finding out who the father is otherwise risk loosing some support by the state. But I know that there is no CS case open yet.

Another weird thing is my H called her after the baby was born to get paterinty test done and she just hung up on him and had someone call my H pretending to be a cop and said do not call her again otherwise she will file harrassment charges. She also refused to let my H to see OC at the hospital.

My H does not want contact. It might have been different if OW did not pull this stuff.

OW does not want any support. My H thinks she has not file because she does not know who the father is.

I know her parents are basically raising OC and they have questioned her about who the father is and she has refused to answer them. And they know that she had sex with a married man.

OW has admitted that she slept around and had lots of one night stands but said that she was sorry that she did not and it that was over before she might my H.

She also has a boyfriend now that has been with her through the whole pregnancy and birth. She also lied about when she met him. She said it was after she found out she was pregnant, but I know for a fact that was a lie.

H's friend went up to her 6 weeks after the baby was born and asked her are you 100% that the baby is my H's. And she did not respond and just walked away from her. Yet in the hospital when she went to see OW she said it was my H and later would not answer her.

Dawn

<small>[ July 02, 2002, 04:35 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

dawn
I would let it go, I would also be willing to bet, it is not your husbands child. I know if I were in her position if someone thought I was lying I would probably make sure they were set straight, in time if you see other child you will notice a resemblence or not.
She sure is determined to keep him away, and your husband doesnt want to be involved, sounds to me as if she has something to hide, think about it,, if this is your husbands child why wouldnt she want him to help support baby, especially if she is on financial aid. You would think she would want the chance to get some extra help to which she would be entittled.

My guess is she knows if she test it wont be his.

Dear Dawn,

What an unusual story. I agree completely with momof5. The OW seems determined to drive your H away. Sounds like she has a secret that she is not willing to share.

Maybe she tried to hang the pregnancy on your H, but when he did not decide to run to her with open arms, she realized that she made a terrible mistake. Sometimes women think the fathers will automatically believe them and not ask for a paternity test.

I would follow momof5's advice and leave it alone.

Good luck,
love,
heavenly

Hello,
It is so hard to let it go especially when she is on welfare. I feel once I let it go then we will get a court order for paterinty testing. It is only a matter of time before the court will get a court order for her to appear for paterinty. It does not help that my H's friend that he talks to also knows OW. I wonder if they talk about OW and OC.

Dawn

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dawn71:
<strong>My H thinks she has not file because she does not know who the father is.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Dawn,
I have to agree with your H.

Maybe she did file for CS but went after a different guy. Maybe that could be another reason why you guys have not heard anything from the gov't yet.

Hello,
I just wanted to add there is no CS case opened. I no that for a fact. I also know that it is a state law that the mother has to cooperate in finding the father of the child if they are receiving aid from the state. Otherwise, they will loose their state aid.

Dawn

<small>[ July 03, 2002, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Hello,
I just wanted to add that I know that OW just want on assistance not to long ago. So, I guess it is only a matter of time before there is a CS opened.

Dawn

I agree with the others...the child probably isn't your H's...otherwise you would have heard something by now.

Our situation is different, and she named my H immediately and since he was paying her hush money the state was satisfied until we filed for paternity...once my H stopped paying, the state got involved immediately.

My guess is that she already named someone else if you aren't hearing anything, since you aren't paying and believe me...the state will MAKE YOU PAY...

My ex-hubby owed the state of Texas over $10,000

They will make sure they get their cut. I would just breathe for a while...she knows where your H is and can tell the state immediately...so really, I think the OC may not be your H's.

Twiisty

Twiisty,
OW does not know where we live because we moved and she does not our phone number and my H got a new cell phone so she cannot call my H either.
My H called child supprt services to see if there is a case opened and there is not.

Dawn

<small>[ July 05, 2002, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Dawn,

You know I agree with everyone... I don't believe that the OC is your H's either...

exOW knows your H's friend, and she could easily get information if she wanted to.

Hang in there Dear Dawn...
She has been quiet this long... for now, I would take her silence as definitely Golden!

Hello,
Am I correct? Since OW is on assistance than now there will be a CS support case opened? Child Support services said yes there will be a case opened. But it can take awhile depending on the cooperation of OW.

Dawn

Dawn I agree with H too, the OW probably doesn't know who the father is. However, I would be concerned as you are because you don't want it coming out later and then he'll have to pay back child support. I am fighting with my H now to get a paternity test, so I know how you feel. Do you have children, if so I would advice you to file for child support before the OW does. If she files first, she will get the bulk of the money. Sounds bad, but I think BS must protect themselves.

I do have to agree with what lemon said...we filed first and the state filed second...we filed in a higher court which saved our butts and finances (saved us from paying $600 a month, we settled out of court and pay $400 a month)...this is after we petetioned for a DNA test.

I would at least find out paternity. Either way, you shouldn't pay until you know for sure due to DNA, but on the same token, you don't want it to bite you later, especially if the state gets involved due to welfare.

The only way you are going to know for sure is to get an attorney, file in court petitioning a dna test in a paternity suit...pray that the child isn't yours and then you'll know. But the flip side to that is if the child is your H's...that opens up a whole new can of worms for you in paying the CS...

Only you and your H knows what's best for you and your family. You have to decide if you are willing to live with the uncertainty or if you want to face it head on and at least KNOW.

I don't envy your position in the not knowing department. I do feel that you are fortunate that the OW isn't sure and leaves you and your H alone.

It's a tough situation to be in. I hope you find the peace that you are looking for. I'll look for you later so we can chat. I was thinking about you the other day and didn't get a chance to say hello to you on the IM.

Hugs,
Twiisty

Hello,
I am not sure who she named as the father. It was June 1 when she got on assistance and there is no CS open yet.

I know there seems to be a good chance that my H is not the father. However, it has been suggested that I go and file for CS.

I am really tempted to call OW and ask her who she named as the father. But I wonder if she would just lie again. What do you think?

Dawn

Dawn is there a way you can get her birth certificate? Or look up newspaper announcements, I know the hospital put in the paper mr and mrs. whatever gave birth. blah blah blah

It probably is confidential, but I bet if you looked hard enough you could find some info. just to ease your mind, or go to the child support agency and ask them.

Your husband might not want you to do this since he wants to leave it alone, maybe you could tell him how the suspense is getting to you and you need to have closure... Not knowing is worse than knowing what you are facing, just explain it that way to him.
He probably hasnt thought that, he just wants to keep any pain from you as long as possible, but gosh what if child isnt even his.. you would have worried for nothing.
I hope you and can find a way to do this for your peace of mind, but do it with husbands help.

Mof5,
here in WI the BC are confidential because she is not married but I know in Nov. 2001 there was no name on the BC because the person that I talked to screwed up and told me that. If someone signed it since then I do not know.

Dawn

Hello,
Do you think if my H called OW that she would finally tell my H the truth? And can she press charges against my H if he called her?

I wonder if she lied and later down the road my H finds out that he is the father, would he have to pay the state back since she is getting assistance.

Dawn